I HATE networking

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I hate networking.

Even hearing the word makes me cringe a little.

The idea of it seems so artificial, distasteful, and gauche.

I think the reason I detest it so much is because I have often been on the receiving end of being networked at.

Recruiters who call all the time with a practiced friendliness and familiarity when I am in roles over 5000+ employees, but who ghost me when I am in job search.

Vendors like the one who was stunningly rude to me as an Administrator in Training (He told me, “Yeah, I don’t want to waste my time with you, I need to talk to the organ grinder not the monkey”) but a year later when I was doing acquisitions? He was always there on day one to offer his “help” setting up services – even citing that we went “way back” to my days as an AIT. Yes we do – I remember.

The salesman who literally shoved me out the way at an American Healthcare Association Conference, but fell over himself later trying to buy me a drink when I had my nametag on as DVP at Five Star senior living.

The fake friendliness used like drilling equipment to extract whatever it is they want from people that they see only as goldmines.

And don’t even get me started on the tiger pits that are networking “events”. Trapped in a room with avarice driven actors working an angle of our shared mission/religion/alumni status/past employers/sports team/Hogwarts house – anything they were able to find online that might connect us and be used to pivot into making a sale.

Sometimes it’s worse than just schmoozing. I noticed after I moved into more senior management roles, I started “winning” a lot of prize drawings at conferences. One vendor even handed me an envelope of cash that I had “won”.

I developed a standard written response to that type of thing.

“Thank you so much for your donation of a TV/trip/money/etc to our Christmas party for frontline staff. It will be appreciated by our CNAs/DSPs. In order to avoid the appearance of any conflict of interest we will be unable to use your services as a vendor for the next 24 months but do appreciate your generosity in supporting our mission and our frontline employees.”

It is just gross.

But I might be wrong. Maybe, it isn’t networking that I hate. It is insincerity.

In conversation, I recently mentioned that I hate networking, and that thankfully I hadn’t needed to do it. Almost every job I have had came from my reputation as being pretty good at what I do and not being too insufferable to work with. Almost every job had come from someone hearing I was looking and telling someone else, “you should talk to this guy – I worked with him before and recommend him”

Someone responded - “Well, that sounds a lot like networking”

I hated networking because I had seen so few examples of how to do it the right way.

All the things I had identified as “networking” were transactional. A skillset for using people then moving on. Not exactly my cup of tea.

I was recently introduced by my friend Laura Parrino , to John Arms the founder of Voyageur U Fractional Talent Community . John had nothing at all to gain from meeting me but very graciously scheduled an hour where he gave me advice and ideas, and he connected me to a company that he thought could use a little of what I do professionally.

John told me he approaches networking with a “generosity mindset”. When you meet people, find out about what they do and see if you can help them in some way.

That’s it. No sales pitch. No “ask”.

But I do that all the time on flights, in hotels, even at punk concerts (met a great BCBA at a Flogging Molly show last month and connected them with a company that is hiring) – You are saying that is networking?

I frequently hear from recruiters with roles (sadly mostly when I don’t actually need them!) but I always make a point of knowing who is looking for a job and always connect recruiters with a good people who could be a fit.

Could that be networking?

Last weekend I had dinner at my house with a dear friend that I hadn’t seen in person for 30 years. I was overjoyed when we first reconnected 10 years ago and loved catching up and getting to know her husband and absolutely adorable kids.

Now that can’t possibly be networking? But was that friendship professionally valuable when COVID hit and I had 350 residential locations to manage and spoke on over 200 townhalls to thousands of people? Having a good friend who was a virus scientist at the CDC who could explain in simple terms the latest science and how it all worked so I could relay that – you bet your butt that was invaluable.

But I am not a good networker.

There is a work part to network, and that is the part I need to improve on. It is maintaining those connections with the people you meet and the people you help.

That takes work.

Being a good networker is not about practicing your pitch. It is not about finding ways to work the steps of a sales process. (Let’s see we talked about our college for 2 minutes so built a relationship of trust, now let’s see if I can prep them for my pitch, resolve concerns, and help them make and keep commitments. Yuck – that is just manipulation.)

We all know lots of great smart people. We all lose touch with some of them. The work part of networking is setting aside a few hours every week to reconnect.

Especially if you are working.

Especially if you are too busy.

Especially if you don’t need anything.

Take some time to reach out and say – I was thinking of you. How are things in your world? Is there anything that you need that I can help with? Connect them with other good people you know. Always grateful when people like my friend Sam connect me with a fantastic fellow like Jim Rink of Coaches Café.

It might never lead to anything that helps you, but that is not the point.

A network is about how we connect to each other as people.

While I have been building a consulting pipeline and looking at some full time jobs, most of the “networking” that I have done has led to connecting other people with jobs or resources that they needed. And that is great. I celebrate with them.

I am making a list of some of the really good people I have had the pleasure of working with but haven’t spoken to in too long. I want to find out what is in their world and how I can help. Not based on their current role, or my target companies, or what I need. Just good people I want to be part of a network with.

Now imagine if we all did that. When we abandon transactional artificiality and embrace a “generosity mindset” we can really make lives better.

Through networking.

I know.

#culture ?#leadership ?#opentowork ?#operations ?#nha ?#seniorcare ?#IDD ?#kindness ?#networking #sincerity

?? I am Dave

??Building financially sustainable cultures to care for vulnerable populations

??Developing leaders to work with seniors and people with IDD

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