“I Hate to Admit This, but…”

My opinion on sharing my opinions on hate hasn't changed. And I love that.

By Frank Bocchino

My upbringing has played a significant impact on the way I articulate my opinions...you got a problem with that?

New York is the unofficial birthplace of in-your-face honesty, and its natives are adamantly definitive when expressing points of view. Be it the Mets or the Nets, a long vacay in Delray or glamping in the Hamptons, in the Big Apple, there are few shades of gray. It’s a concrete yes or a hell no.

This is no truer when it comes to opinions on food. Not just pizza and bagels, everyone has an opinion on every morsel at every restaurant, sandwich shop, and food cart — regardless of whether they've dined there before. “I don’t gotta’ eat at that place to know I'd hate it,” may be the most common restaurant review on NYC Yelp. It is not surprising that there is never a consensus, unless, of course, one counts disdain for pineapple on a tomato and cheese pizza. All five boroughs we know can agree on hating one thing, and that's it.

Yes, I said hate. Reviews like “not bad” and “O.K.” are categorized as indecisive. Offer these lukewarm opinions, and your recommendations will be deemed untrustworthy. Sorry. No soup for you.

You may not always detect an accent when we speak, but New York inflections die hard. Animated, passionate, sarcastic at times (OK, most times), people often speculate where I'm from. If they've seen my photo, then rarely is guessing required. When I traveled the country writing feature profiles for business magazines in pre-Facebook days, some executives offer to pick me up at the airport. When asked what I look like, I'd say: “I'm the guy who looks like he comes from New York.” In five years, no one ever got it wrong.

I left the Northeast for good years ago, yet regrettably, I still frequently use the words “love” and “hate” even when “like” and “dislike” are more appropriate.

I left the Northeast for good years ago, yet regrettably, I still frequently use the words “love” and “hate” even when “like” and “dislike” are more appropriate. Not everyone considers the highly opinionated gentleman to be charming, of course. “You either love it or hate it,” those natives more vocal than I will tell you, “but if you hate it, screw you…and your mother too."

Since relocating to Los Angeles a decade ago, I’ve tried to avoid using the word hate when dislike is the proper word. Hate is an emotion, while dislike is a feeling. Yet old habits die hard so I’ll still slip and swap the word as much as I, um, hate to admit it. However, when offering opinions related to politics, religion, nationality, or individuals, I have always shunned “hate.”

As a child, I watched my Republican father and Democrat mother voice their beliefs as they slow cooked their gravy all Sunday morning.

As a child, I watched my Republican father and Democrat mother voice their beliefs as they slow cooked their gravy all Sunday morning. That discourse became more “spirited,” shall we say, at large Italian family gatherings, but never escalated to violence or name-calling. Never was hate uttered when referring to the opposing candidate, their party, their background, sex, religion, or anything else that made them different.

Civil discourse is rarely on the menu anymore. Nowadays, I buy, not make, my bottled gravy (that you call tomato sauce) from an amalgamated chain that has filled it with highly-processed ingredients most of which I could never pronounce. I'll consume it while various sources force-feed me bite-sized hate morsels of whose side I should be on just to sell me more. The pace of globalization has become excessively rapid, resulting in opinions being expressed without any form of discourse, recourse, or validation of information. So do I have an opinion on (INSERT TOPIC OF THE DAY HERE)? Not if I don't have the facts. And if I do, the only thing I can say for sure that I hate is hate itself.

And pineapple on pizza, of course.