I had a Dream and I Wanted to Wake Up!

"The deepest fear we have, 'the fear beneath all fears,' is the fear of not measuring up, the fear of judgment. It's this fear that creates the stress and depression of everyday life."- Tullian Tchividjian

A loud bell sounds. I see myself walking down what looks to be a school hallway. 

All around me there are teens with their pimply faces and backpacks dangling haphazardly from one shoulder. They are moving quickly in both directions down the hallway—laughing and chatting in high-pitched squeaky voices. I am carried in the direction of the crowd. 

I am not a pimply-aged teen. I am older. I feel a heavy weight on my back—I too am carrying a backpack. I’m back at high school. 

Did I flunk? A lot? I vaguely remember attending. But I don’t remember coming for a while. In fact, I don’t remember where I’m supposed to be. I dig through my backpack looking for a school schedule. There isn’t one. I start to panic.  Everyone is heading to their next period and I don’t know where I’m supposed to be!

When was the last time I came to class? When was the last time I came to school? I’m not going to graduate! Again!!!

This is a reoccurring dream I have. I’ve had this particular one for many years. This one—and the one about Godzilla.  Yes, I said Godzilla. I’ll have to save that one for another time. 

I’ve always been one of those people that can recall their dreams in vivid detail.  Often time, they resemble some sort of anxiety-filled antics I got myself into and rarely do I wake from them rested and refreshed. Interestingly, I got the plot idea for the novel I will one day write from a dream. If I have a really good one, I will write it down in the journal I keep in the drawer next to my bed. 

But the school dream I can say is one of the few I’ve had time and time again. It will have small changes sometimes; for example, I might be in college instead of high school. Or, I might have missed a single class the entire year or realize I have a final and have never even been to the class. Worse, I might think it’s a brilliant idea to show up naked to school until I get there and realize it’s not!

Apparently this is a fairly common dream.  Wow, and I thought I was the only middle-aged weirdo dreaming of showing up to school in full frontal assault and missing all their classes.

But why do I keep having dreams about high school and college when I’ve been out of school for almost three decades? 

Apparently, this very common academic-anxiety dream has to do with performance and the fear of being able to measure up. In fact, according to the Anxiety and Depression Society of America, 56% of anxiety sufferers specifically deal with performance anxiety at work. And where is the first place in our lives that we experience performance anxiety? School. 

The dream will often flare up when a person is anxious about something happening in their life such as a new work challenge, position, move or other project whereas one’s competence and performance is tested and fear of failure is heightened.

So, how do we rid ourselves of this reoccurring dream and finally graduate from school purgatory? The following are a few tips:

Channel the anxiety- The reason some people work better under pressure is that they are able to channel the adrenaline caused by anxiety and visualize success. Instead of fearing and worrying about potential failure they are able to consider them a challenge that deserves a positive effort. 

Prepare for success- The best way to thwart off performance anxiety is by being prepared. If you are performing something new or challenging, asking for clear instructions, expectations and feedback will help to minimize uncertainty, worry and self-doubt.

Learn from failure- Remind yourself that every failure has a lesson. If you recognize the benefits of past failures, you will be able to shift the negative internal response to future potential failures. 

Work on self-care- Low self-esteem, low self-worth and lack of confidence are all self-sabotaging to your performance and success.  Fear of failure, judgement and worthlessness are all characteristics of low self-worth. Improving how you see yourself through self-reflection, self-discovery and positive self-talk will help to alleviate performance anxiety and help you develop coping mechanisms to deal with potential failures and anxiety. 

I took a seat on jock wall and watched the remaining students scatter like cockroaches as the final bell sounded. Realizing I was in the midst of a dream, my anxiety dissipated. Instead of waking myself, I stayed a bit and wondered—if I could tell that insecure and scared young lady one thing, what would it be? 

“Don’t worry. You got this!”

Let's embrace Mondays, and everyday, with excitement. We will do it together, each Monday – for a moment.

Jeana Brooks

Human Resources & Communications Director