I Grieve

Recently I lost my best friend and youngest brother. Over the past nearly 30 years, we found time to be with each other and do things, such as going to the National Matches at Camp Perry, going to NRA HQ to look at the museum, and traveling to the BSA Canoe Base in Canada. We committed a long time ago, not to let petty differences and disagreements overshadow our relationship. It was and still is an enduring relationship.

On September 16, 2023, I was told he was gone, so I grieved, and I was sad. Yet my sadness and grief were not despair or hopelessness. Rather it was the outpouring of emotion from my heart that spoke to the magnitude of love I had for Mark S. Phillips. Second to that of the love I have for my beloved, Mark was not only my physical brother, but my intellectual brother and spiritual brother. One does not lose such a person without expressing it.

St. John's gospel, has the shortest line in the New Testament when it states, " Jesus wept." (John 11:35). Grief and sadness are emotions we have as part of our humanity. Jesus was human and his sadness was real sadness. He grieved the loss of his friend Lazarus. And too I grieve the loss of my brother. In the same Chapter, Jesus tells us that this is not the end. As a Christian, I know that and believe that, and so my grief has a purpose. The purpose is to reinforce hope, hope in him who is the author of HOPE. Grief and sadness with hope are transformative, while despair and hopelessness are destructive.

I can't blame God for the passing of my brother, I can give thanks for his promise I will see him again. For that I am grateful and that is a cause for joy. I love you Dr. Mark Steven Phillips and for now, I will still grieve and be sad, with the hope that we will see each other again!