I was going to be a champion!

When I was a child I was convinced I was going to have a career in tennis. I practiced every day, hit against the backboard when I couldn't find a partner, played with my Dad most evenings, played tournaments on the weekends, and generally lived and breathed the sport. My tennis heroes were the stars of the professional tennis scene circa the 90's; Agassi, Sampras, and Courier. I patterned my tennis game after my heroes to the extent that my talent would allow. My forehand was a knockoff version of Sampras's flat eastern forehand and my backhand was total garbage made manageable by a decent one handed slice. The only thing that propelled me forward in my tennis career was the tendency to take tennis too seriously and the willingness to practice the same shots over and over.

I was convinced, with almost no supporting evidence, I was going to be a champion throughout my juniors, and it was to achieve that end that I tried so hard and cared so much. Approaching tennis as though each match was the difference between life and death became a habit that was nearly impossible to break. Even after my college tennis career was over, I continued to take tennis, and myself, too seriously. I think it was because I didn't know how else to approach a sport if it wasn't all about winning. I had never experienced tennis from the perspective of simple enjoyment, camaraderie, and love of competition. My experience to that point was that winning, and more specifically beating someone, was THE only reason to play.

I'm definitely NOT going to be a champion!

My 18-year-old self ruined tennis for my 40-year old-self, and because of that I have had to let tennis go and seek out new outlets for exercise and fitness. So at 40 years old, I took my first Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ) class. The beauty of starting BJJ at 40 is that there is absolutely no deluding yourself about being a champion. BJJ is a sport dominated by fierce young men and women with cauliflower ears and years of training and experience. The sport is absolutely unforgiving to a 40 year old body, to the point that training three times a week has thus far been the maximum amount of punishment it can take. From the first six months of taking class twice a week and rolling (what JJ players call sparring) on the weekends, my body has been sore in ways I never thought possible. My arms, legs, and torso are spotted with bruises, often in the pattern of fingers on a hand, as if I was some sort of hairless cheetah. My shoulders are constantly aching and my neck pops reliably every time I turn my head. I have been tapped out so many times that I'm pretty sure I'll be charged an extra fee at my gym for wearing a hole in the mats. No, deluding myself about being the next Brazilian Jiu Jitsu superstar is not an option, I'm just thrilled to be able to train at all.

And so, my reasons for starting BJJ were totally different than any other sport I've ever attempted. By virtue of my age and the realities imposed by a 40 year old body, I have the privilege of encountering BJJ without grand ambition. That isn't to say without ambition at all, I still have plenty of that, it's just a different set of goals. In this article I'm sharing my experience and goals with the hope someone out there might decide to try something new with the knowledge that you might like it, and your athletic self, better as an adult that you did as a kid.

Staying in the game

If you are out of shape, training BJJ can feel like drowning with your arms tied. The sheer physicality of the sport will gobble up all your available air and leave you gasping. Staying fit and injury free is critical to being able to train. This is a common theme among BJJ players because of the constant demands on the body. For me this includes eating right, learning more about nutrition, and being consistent about exercise. So many people exercise for the sake of just looking good, but in BJJ you MUST take care of yourself because your body is literally the game piece that allows you to play "chess with your body". Having a purpose for maintaining your body gives context and meaning to all of those crunches and pushups that can seem so tedious. If you have hit that point where staying fit is a chore, it might be that what is missing is purpose.

Earning a belt that isn't white

I've taken other martial arts and have always enjoyed them, but never before did I care at all about getting a belt. It's not out of disrespect for the other martial art disciplines, it's because they just didn't resonate with me. I wasn't actually fighting to earn those belts, it felt too much like they were being given to me, and I don't like being given anything, I need to earn it. I have never seen anyone in BJJ that had a blue belt, the first one above white, that wasn't a killer on the mats. Brown and black belts are the literal embodiment of what you think of when picturing the ground fighting skills of a Navy Seal. The stakes are different, but the skill and ability to dominate another person are the same. Don't believe me? Walk into a BJJ gym, challenge one to a roll, and when you wake up, let me know how it went. BJJ is very strict about belt promotions and there is no schedule for when you get a belt. You get a belt when your professor thinks you are ready and not before. As a result, consistent class attendance and rolling/sparring are core features of the sport. I love this fact because it causes me to develop discipline in my schedule. Every class includes around 30 minutes of simulated murder with one of your classmates, so by the time you do earn that first belt, you will have genuine prowess as a grappler relative to those who don't train at all.

Belts are a great way to mark a milestone in your training, but more than that they provide a much needed and very challenging goal to shoot for. If you're having your 40 year old freakout, get a goal, and make it a tough one.

Learning to show respect

Starting BJJ at 40 means you are going to have to learn some humility. BJJ has a way of stripping away any fantastical sense of how tough you are or how hard it would be for another human to dominate you. I'll just tell you right now from first hand experience, you and I, we aren't that tough. There is a 125 pound guy out there that has been training for a few years that could make us go to sleep without breaking a sweat. It wouldn't matter how hard we tried, it wouldn't matter how nasty we think we would fight, he would take us to the ground, constrict around our bodies, grab our necks, and we would sleep. With BJJ, your safety is literally in someone else's hands, so you had better have been respectful the last time you rolled. That's a reality that comes crashing home the first time you get tapped out by a rear naked choke and realize just how powerless you are to stop it. From that reality comes respect for others. I have tremendous respect for my instructors, not because they could kill me (they could), but because they wield a tremendous amount of power with humility and respect.

Through my own foolish approach to tennis I didn't always have that respect for others, it was all about winning. In BJJ, it is my mission to show my partners and coaches respect, to protect their safety, and to be the best rolling partner possible. I'm not perfect at it, I sometimes get caught up in the moment like anyone else, but it is a deeply personal goal none the less. The point is to find a goal that makes you a better person, because it's never too late to change.

Give 40 year old you a second chance!

As an adult, just having goals is the point. I think many people hit their "mid-life" and stop setting goals, and their enjoyment of life suffers. The reality is that you're a different person at 40 than you were at 20, you know more and as a result make better decisions. Because of that, the way you experience new challenges is going to be different.

How many times have you thought of the things you would do differently if you had the chance to do it over again?

I think about that when I consider how enriching my experience with BJJ has been. What if I had just kept playing tennis, making myself and others miserable, doing the same things? I had to change my patterns and start over, and while humbling at times, I'm grateful I did.