I Give Up, It's Easier to Blame Everyone Else

Since starting high school, my youngest Daughter has needed to change her study habits. At the beginning, I helped her learn some new techniques and I've been stepping back so she can "fly" on her own. I, myself, had to relearn Physics so I could help get her in a groove. This past week, I had stepped back more to see how she can manage studying on her own. Here is our conversation on Tuesday evening after taking 3 tests.

• Me: How did your test go for Physics?
• Daughter: Not great, I got a B.
• Me: [Taking a pause after hearing how a B resonates with her] How did your Geography test go?
• Daughter: I don't want to talk about it. [Tears flow for a bit]. I got a C. I failed.
• Me: [Taking another pause realizing where her standards are. So I said this slowly.] I know how hard you studied for these three tests and you expected better grades. You didn't fail honey. Failing is giving up. Not getting back up. Not looking for a better way to get the result you want. How about we take a break when we get home and play some volleyball outside? [This always puts her in a better mood.] Then we will take a look at a better approach to studying.

True story and a lesson I personally have been working on and teaching my children. I want to have high expectations for myself and not feel deflated when things don't go well. I know I just need to find a better way. There is always a way if you want something bad enough.

I know my approach and thinking isn't for all. For some, giving up is just easier. Blaming others for our poor results is easier.

I write this story because it has become so obvious when I and others like taking the easy road and stick with what is easy or within their comfort zone.

Today was no different when I ran into two different business owners:

1. The one who'd rather "work hard" than do the work to "work smarter." Even if the work is so very simple and would only take a one-time effort of 10 minutes. It's easier to blame others for our own lack of accountability in getting better results.
2. Or the one who blames their family and friends for not supporting them in their venture, when in reality what then really need is love and connection from their family. So now what they are doing is pushing their family and friends away because of the beratement. The real work is to love your family and go aggressively after your ideal client.

When I see this in others, I don't provide my coaching or opinions unless asked. I also don't provide my judgment, because I recognize this behavior in myself. However, what I do take action on is asking myself, "where am I giving up?" "where do I need to look for a better option to get better results?" "where is the win-win in this situation?" "where am I blaming others when I should be more accountable to my own standards?"

I know that there is always a way and it may not be easy. I just need to be more resourceful and keep exploring my options till I found the answer. Or maybe I need to ask a better question. But if it's truly important to me, I will find the answer that gives me the result I really want.

So I ask you "where have you given up lately when you should have looked for a better way?"