I fired my 'coach.' You should, too, if they fail to perform.

Life coaching is the second fastest-growing industry in the world. It’s easy to see why :

• 80% of clients attribute their improved self-esteem or self-confidence?to coaching.
• 73% of clients say that coaching helps them?improve their relationships, communication skills, interpersonal skills, work performance, work/life balance, and wellness.
• The median ROI is 7x the investment.

Coaching people to become better versions of themselves is my calling. I'm a Certified High Performance Coach (CHPC), and I've found a way to combine it with Radical Forgiveness to help others make peace with their past and vastly improve their performance and relationships.

Coaching works. But there are people posing as coaches, and that can have disastrous consequences. That was my experience with "JB” from Australia when he made promises (in writing) he didn't keep, failed to deliver, and revealed his lack of experience (and integrity) when I called him on it.

It cost me, big time.

Before I tell you how I got into this mess, how I got out, and what I learned, let’s start with the obvious: Not all people who say they are coaches are coaches, and because coaching is such an unregulated industry, some get away with calling themselves a coach but don’t have the knowledge, skills, abilities, or credentials to prove it. Maybe they think they're skilled at helping people solve problems. That doesn’t make them a coach (or skilled). ?

To confuse matters more, most people can't explain the difference between a coach, a consultant, and a mentor.

If you're looking for someone to help you break old habits, achieve new goals, or achieve more success, working with a coach is a great way to accelerate your progress and create permanent change. But before diving into the deep end of the pool, I recommend you follow the tips I give you here so you can avoid making the same mistakes I did.

Coaching Tip #1: Know the difference between a coach, a consultant, and a mentor.

There are distinctions between all three that, once you know them, can go a long way to helping you choose the right person and program that meets your needs.

• Coaching is helping someone see that they can do something. Creating new habits and working with your mindset play a central role.
• Consulting is telling someone how to do something.
• Mentoring is showing someone how you would do something.

Very few people who call themselves a coach are actually a coach. JB called himself a coach, but his methods were more aligned with being a consultant. “Just do what I tell you to do, and you’ll be successful,” he told me. That was a RED FLAG that I should have paid attention to.

NOTE: The rest of this article focuses primarily on what to look for in a great coach. But do get smart on consulting and mentoring so you can make an informed choice for what will work best for you.

Coaching Tip #2: You start creating your results before you even begin working with someone who calls himself a coach. So, before signing up, keep these DOs and DON’Ts in mind:

1. DO know the difference between a coach, a consultant, and a mentor. Choose the one who will best help you get the outcomes you want to create.
2. DO know the outcomes you want to create and communicate them clearly to someone you want to work with so they can decide if you’re a fit for them.
3. DO be crystal clear on the terms of your agreement, including terms for assessing your progress and a refund if they fail to deliver.
4. DON’T be afraid to hold your coach, consultant, or mentor accountable for slacking off or just plain non-delivery of what they promised you.
5. DON’T settle or make excuses for their inconsistency. You get to be inconsistent. They don't. Expect excellence throughout your experience, and speak up if your expectations aren't met.
6. DON'T rush into it by falling for high-pressure sales tactics. Remember, when the student is ready, the teacher will come. Working with a coach, consultant, or mentor is about meeting your needs rather than theirs.

How I Got Into This Mess

I’ve dedicated my entire adult life to public service to give something back to the country that had given so much to my immigrant family and me. Making my difference as a soldier in the U.S. Army is all I’ve ever known. It’s made me the man I am today and allowed me the awesome responsibility of leading others into harm’s way many times. My best friend described his military experience as an ‘affair of the heart.’ And so it was for me too.

The growth and development of people was the highest calling of my military career. I was good at it. So, making the transition to personal development coaching felt like a natural fit. I’m a big believer in second chances. I found a way to heal the wounds of my PTSD, married a remarkable woman, and build a fulfilling life. Helping others who live with unresolved trauma get their second chance at life was a cause worth pursuing.

I built a portfolio of coaching certifications, learned from my colleague and mentor, Brendon Burchard, and created a framework for growth and success that I got excited about sharing with my audience.

But there’s a huge difference between being a great coach and running a coaching business. I needed help. So I searched for someone with experience in creating a successful online business from scratch who could show me the ropes.

That’s when I met JB at a marketing mastermind event in California. He stood out as a personable guy in the private group we were part of. ?Although he wasn’t a CHPC, as I and many of my colleagues there were, that didn't stop him from calling himself a coach to blend in. Better for sales, of course. ??

JB seemed to be exactly the kind of person who could help me start writing the next chapter of my life. He had a convincing success story and knew exactly what to say and do to win me over.

• He claimed to have made the switch from corporate to online entrepreneur and could show me how to do the same in less time than it took him.
• He claimed to have made $1 million helping people who feel stuck in a 9 to 5 job create income online from their knowledge and expertise.
• He claimed he could teach me step-by-step what I needed to know and do and that he would be available to help me implement every step of the way.
• He claimed to have a proven track record of success and assured me that I would recover my investment within the first year.

I was intrigued…not just about the money he made, but how he did it.

After several conversations, my wife and I eventually decided to move forward with JB’s exclusive 'Elite Coaching Programme.' I was motivated to get out of a career that was slowly killing me, and JB convinced me he had the road map to help me implement my own online business.

I could hardly wait to get started.

But almost as soon as we did, something felt off. I’ve led soldiers for 45 years and been a certified coach for five. I’ve been trained by the best. This didn’t feel like coaching. It felt more like consulting.

To be fair, JB and I did have some productive sessions. But I’d paid for his premium-level coaching program. Anyone who has transitioned from one career to another knows it requires a combination of a shift in mindset and new skills development. I expected premium-level "coaching" in these areas.

What I got was massive inconsistency, lack of engagement, and poor follow-through. His ‘Elite Programme’ lacked structure, and he showed little initiative to coach me. Consequently, JB consistently demonstrated an inability to create momentum, lead, and anticipate problems, which impeded my progress.

As time wore on, JB made it increasingly clear that he probably wasn't a certified coach. He was also in over his head at the level I invested. He avoided constructive feedback when I expressed concerns about his lack of consistency and was often unresponsive when I asked for help. When I asked what differentiated his program from his lower-priced offerings, he could not answer.

Showing up for every session is the easy part. Showing up fully present, fully engaged, with energy, enthusiasm, situational awareness, and a plan, ready to go to work is a whole other level. JB's heart wasn't in it.

In the end, I fired JB for non-performance and failure to deliver on the terms of our agreement. He'd lost my trust and confidence. When I asked for my money back, his response was that I'd given him positive feedback, so he considered his obligations to be fulfilled.

That’s what I expect from a consultant who's driven by short-term self-interest, not a coach who understands what being invested in a client’s success brings in the long term.

In hindsight, the red flags were everywhere all at once. What a nightmare!

But these are the kinds of experiences that give the coaching industry a bad name. JB thought being a consultant was the same as being a coach. They aren't. The mastermind where we met was full of coaches - many are my friends and colleagues. He thought he could blend in by calling himself one. Sadly, this is precisely why people who want to improve their lives with a coach are scared to move forward with one and stay stuck in their lives.

If this is you, don’t feel bad. As a former Army officer and CHPC who takes his responsibility for delivering GREAT coaching seriously, I want you to know with certainty that even though there are lots of persuasive people who know how to talk to talk, just like JB, but can't walk it, I still recommend you work with a coach (a real one that's invested in your growth) if you want to sustain higher levels of success, happiness, and fulfillment in your life. Once you know the warning signs to look for - the ones I ignored or didn't notice - you can choose one that's right for you and confidently know you'll be well-served.

So what about those red flags?

5 Red Flags to Look For

The bottom line is that there’s a big difference between a good coach and a great coach, and there are some easy ways to tell them apart. You deserve a great coach who will help you get the outcomes you want, push you, hold you accountable, and cheer you on when you struggle with your sh** (shortcomings). Here are some tips that will help you find the right one and avoid the posers.

Coaching Tip #3: Pre-qualify a coach just like he or she will pre-qualify you.

Anyone you’re not already working with will only see you as a lead or prospect for earning them income. You should treat any prospective coach exactly the same way: as though they’re interviewing to work with you.

Want to improve your performance? A better relationship with your person? Is there someone you need to forgive so you can finally move on with your life? Coaching is a perfect match for you. You’ll find a coach who can help you with just about any part of your life you want. But before the first conversation ever happens, expect some pre-qualifying questions.

Here are mine:

• What are 3 big performance or relationship goals you want to achieve in the next 12 months?
• What are the biggest obstacles that stand in the way of achieving your goals?
• Are you committed to taking massive action toward achieving your desired outcomes?
• How willing and able are you to invest in your growth right now to achieve your goals?
• On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 = "I'm just doing research," and 10 = "I'm ready to get started right away," where are you on the scale?

If anyone claiming to be a coach jumps right into selling their service, run! That’s a RED FLAG that says it’s about the money, not serving you.

Once a prospective client qualifies, I have a deeper conversation with them to find out what’s going on. Only when both of us feel confident it’s a fit, that’s when the discussion about the terms begins.

Why am I giving you this inside baseball that most coaches keep a secret?

You should know that great coaches are likely to be busy coaches. These questions are designed to determine how likely it is that you’ll buy my coaching program. I need to know if you’re my ideal customer, and you deserve to know something about who you’re signing up with. Maybe that sounds harsh, but weeding out the people who consume my time means I can serve you at a higher level. Being pre-qualified is a good thing.

But it should work both ways and if you’re not qualifying a prospective coach, you’re increasing the risk of finding a ‘JB,’ just like I did.

I strongly recommend that you value your time the same way by asking some pre-qualifying questions of your own so you can create more certainty that you’re hiring someone with credibility. Here are nine questions you can (and should) ask to figure out if you’re hiring a coach or a consultant:

1. “What coaching credentials have you earned? Who did you earn them from?” Then look it up to verify it and find out more about the certifying programs to see if it’s a fit.
2. Know the difference between coaching, mentoring, teaching, and leading, and then ask, “What is your coaching experience and background?”
3. “What is your coaching style?” Basically, there are 3 primary coaching styles: democratic, autocratic, and authoritarian. Google it to learn more so you can choose which style is the best fit for you.
4. “How do you push your clients to achieve the outcomes they want?”
5. “How do you hold your clients accountable?” There’s a difference between pushing and accountability.
6. “How do I hold you accountable if I feel I’m not getting what I paid you for, and how will you make it right?”
7. “Do you have a structured program?” Structured programs have a curriculum with measurable outcomes. That’s how you know you’re making progress toward your goals – by following a curriculum with checkpoints along the way. As a Certified High Performance Coach, I begin and end every coaching relationship with an assessment that helps both of us see where you are in key areas of your life. By the end, you’ll see the progress you've made in each area. That's a huge benefit of following a curriculum, and it keeps your coach on the hook to deliver their best for you.
8. “How do you measure progress throughout your coaching program?” Having clarity about your progress throughout your program is an effective way to know if you’re getting the value for your investment. Great coaches will do regular check-ins with you starting at the beginning and continuing throughout your program. They will have the means to identify your blind spots and areas that need work, then work with you to tailor their program to meet your needs.
9. “What’s your refund policy?” If you have asked questions 1-8 and are satisfied, more than likely, you’ll know if you want to go forward before you get to this one. Many coaches won’t offer a refund beyond the first session.

Great coaches show up for you every session with a high level of energy, enthusiasm, and insight into what you need to grow and achieve your desired outcomes. They put their heart and soul into serving you and work hard during every session to give you value. And they are always truthful with you, meaning they have integrity. ?With that said, it can never hurt to negotiate a refund contingency for non-delivery and agree on a clear set of criteria of what that looks like before signing up. The worst they can say is, “No.”

I experienced four red flags that you should avoid at all costs.

1. JB didn’t pre-qualify me before agreeing to take me on. This was a HUGE RED FLAG that I failed to pay attention to. He knew he should have never taken me on and should have refunded my money.? But it's hard to turn down $40,000 (or give it back when acting with integrity comes hard to you).
2. JB didn’t have a structured program with a curriculum and measurable outcomes to help me implement my online business. That means he designed his program so that he couldn't be held accountable, except for his integrity, which he violated. RED FLAG.
3. JB ignored my requests for program reviews. My agreement with JB included multiple program reviews at regular intervals. But he had no methods in place for measuring my progress. Consequently, we only had one in the entire time we worked together, and my requests for a review were ignored. This is a RED FLAG for non-compliance and, legally speaking. a breach of our agreement (see Question 3 in Coaching Tip #2).
4. JB's style of 'coaching' was...consistently inconsistent and far below the standards for an 'Elite Coaching Programme' at the price point I paid. In fact, I've paid 75% less for elite levels of coaching and gotten more value and support than JB ever delivered. RED FLAG. Enough said.

Think of it this way: With no curriculum, no coaching style, and no way to measure progress, you're assuming all the risk. That’s why I recommend only working with coaches who have a structured curriculum that they’re willing to share with you in advance before signing up with them (kind of like a syllabus). DO talk about how your progress will be measured and make sure they act on it. The more you can reduce ambiguity before you start working with a coach, the more informed your decision will be, and the greater your certainty will be in what you'll get for your investment.

Coaching Tip #4: Situational awareness is EVERYTHING!

A great coach will gain insight into your ambition, the environment you operate in, your current level of knowledge, and your esteem…in other words, your MINDSET. It’s an essential skill I call “situational awareness,” which is essential to know how and when to skillfully push you toward making measurable progress.

Learning to gain control over your thoughts, emotions, and behavior and recover when things get hard is key to achieving and maintaining your desired outcomes. It’s about creating habits that make you better, and often it means helping you get out of your own way. A great coach will look for your blind spots and help you overcome them so that you can stay motivated, positive, resilient, and empathetic, especially when things get hard.

Here’s what I mean. Any coach, consultant, or mentor can teach you a new skill. But you’re not paying for skills. You’re paying for results. A great coach knows there’s a correlation between your mindset and your ability to turn any new skill into a habit that leads to behavioral change, i.e., PROGRESS, i.e., RESULTS, i.e., GROWTH!

If the person you hire isn’t willing to push you to help you grow, they probably don’t understand your mindset or the role it plays in your personal development. That means he or she lacks CRUCIAL insights into you that are vital to creating behavioral change that leads to the outcomes you want. Of course, this isn't an issue if you don't care about achieving the outcomes you paid for.

Great coaches learn the environment you operate in, how you think, what you believe, and identify your perceived limitations, then figure out how to help you make adjustments in each that lead to growth. A consultant doesn’t care about that - it's too deep for them. Too much work. They probably don't have the skills to boot.

In our first session, JB asked me to tell my story. So I did, highlighting my family history, my 30 years of military service, and that I was a combat veteran. I talked about my PTSD and how it had affected my relationships, career, and health. I let him know about the work I’d done to find healing and about my formula to help other members of the military community improve their performance and relationships.

I had just given JB clues about my ambition, my environment, my competency, and my esteem (my blind spots) that he could have used to develop me. I gave him situational awareness, but JB IGNORED ALL OF IT.

HUGE RED FLAG if you're working with a great coach.

Coaching Tip #5: Your coach should want YOUR success and be your biggest cheerleader.

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change.”

Brené Brown

Closely related to Tip #4, if your coach doesn’t make the effort to find your blind spots and help you shift them, achieving the outcomes you want will be much harder, if not impossible. Here’s what I mean: If the priority isn’t doing what it takes to serve you and help you achieve the outcomes you want, that’s a MEGA RED FLAG and a sign that you’re working with a consultant or mentor.

Great coaches work hard to serve you consistently at the highest level because they're invested in your growth. To create the outcomes you’re looking for, a coaching relationship is inherently one that asks you to be vulnerable. The more comfortable you are with your coach emotionally, the more likely you will be to dig deeper, and that opens up the possibility of creating shifts in your behavior that lead to better results. Consultants and mentors don’t go this deep.

A great coach will also recognize when you go outside your comfort zone. They know how to guide you when you go there and give you feedback (and maybe a push) to keep going because they know that’s where the magic happens, and that’s when your coach becomes your biggest cheerleader.

It might come in the form of a note at just the right time that says, “I believe in you. You’re doing great work! Keep stretching!” He or she recognizes the effort you’re making and teaches you to honor the struggle when things get hard. That’s how you know your coach’s heart is fully engaged, and they're all about serving you at the highest level.

Great coaches know that celebrating your wins is how you fully integrate success into your being. They know that making that a habit builds confidence and courage to try bigger things and stay the course when things get hard because you’ve learned to be resilient.

Whether you want a more vibrant relationship with your person or pursue a new career, it’s your coach’s responsibility to set those conditions to explore the pain points with you and discover where your blocks are (hint: they’re always in you, which means you can do something about it). You know you’re with a rookie when they avoid the hard things that bring the most progress.

If you don’t feel comfortable opening up to your coach – who you’ve probably paid a lot of money to – that’s a RED FLAG.

JB was never invested in me. He wasn’t interested in meeting me where I was – fresh out of a 45-year career trying to figure out how to implement an online business. His 'Elite Coaching Programme' felt like anything but.

BONUS Coaching Tip #6: Your coach works for you, not the other way around.

Did I really need to include this? YES! And let me add this: You get to be inconsistent as you work with a coach. Your coach does not, and you should never let them off the hook if you think they are. The results you paid for are on the line!

You’ll know you’re working with a great coach when they are consistent and come prepared for every session. They are situationally aware of who you are, what’s going on in your life, and the obstacles that are in your way – mentally, emotionally, physically, and even spiritually. They are invested in your success, follow a curriculum, and are committed to pushing to a higher level of performance. They will always be responsive to you, never ignore you, and ALWAYS give you the truth so you know where you stand and what you need to do in between sessions to make progress.

Every week, JB had me prepare extensive reports for him – a spreadsheet with multiple tabs that took hours to prepare and the top 3 things I learned in our last session. I thought he needed it to manage his Elite Coaching Programme. It turns out he was looking for an unsolicited testimonial without my knowledge, consent, or permission. Here's an example he used in an email to his followers after one of our successful sessions:

In the end, it was clear JB wasn't going to serve me at an elite level. He claims to help people leave their 9-5 job and start an online business, but he didn't do that for me. He expected me to figure things out on my own with the least amount of effort (for the most part, he left me no choice). I wanted so much for him to step up and coach me that I gave him the benefit of the doubt until he finally lost my trust and confidence.

That's when I fired him.

“I’m a good coach,” JB once told me. I couldn’t disagree more. He's a consultant disguised as a ‘coach.’ The problem is that I paid for great coaching in an 'elite coaching programme' and got neither.

Now You Know What to Look For ??

Discouraged? You shouldn't be. There are some great coaches out there. You are more ready than 99% of other people looking for a coach to find one. Please feel free to contact me in the comments if you need some help.

To recap, I had three goals in mind when I decided to write this article:

1. To arm you with information you can use right now that helps you avoid people like JB and find a coach with a curriculum that’s willing to go to work for you. If you have clarity about how you want to improve your life, you deserve to work with someone with equal clarity about how to help you achieve your desired outcomes.
2. To expose you to the reality that there are many people like JB out there giving coaching a bad name. They lack the values that are associated with great coaching and are instead – at best – just a consultant or a mentor who isn’t invested in your success like a certified coach is.
3. To protect the integrity of curriculum-based coaching and those who deliver it every day with honor and integrity. I have colleagues who are great certified coaches. Like me, they take their craft seriously and are changing lives for the better every day. You deserve to work with one.

I hope you read something here that has served you.

Do you have a horror story like mine? Could you tell me about it in the comments?

How Can I Serve You? ????

Are you looking for a dedicated Certified High Performance Coach to help you achieve new goals or increase your self-awareness, self-worth, and confidence? Do you have questions? I’m here to help.

Let's talk about?how?you can heal the?unresolved trauma that is interfering with having more fulfilling relationships or performing at your best.?Click here to book a call with me.?

I do corporate training on the presence of trauma in the workplace and how you can create a safe, professional space for your employees.?Click here to book a call with me.?

Learn more about my story here.

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Here's to your greatness! ?? It's all inside of you. ??

Namasté ????

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