I feel Unwanted In My Relationship

Introduction?

For the purpose of understanding the feeling of being unloved, several aspects associated with self and others are taken into account. Indeed, everyone has faced situations where they felt ignored or unwanted. However, consistent thoughts of being unloved or not cared for in romantic relationships point towards something deeper.?

If you feel unwanted in your intimate relationships or with your partner, keep reading on to find out why it is happening to you.?

Why do I feel unwanted in my relationships?

Essentially, any feelings that linger on far more than the situation demands have a deeper issue associated with them. If you are someone who feels unwanted regularly and feels that others around you are not giving you the love you deserve, you need to dig deeper. There can be several reasons why you feel that you aren’t wanted; let’s discuss below.?

Attachment Style

Particularly, attachment originates from our relationship with our parents in childhood. The attachment we develop in early childhood deeply determines how we attach to others in adulthood. If the attachment is disturbed in the early years due to unhealthy parenting or any other reasons, you might grow up to have difficulties feeling secure and stable in your relationships.?

Dysfunctional Childhood

Similarly, family and social environment in childhood deeply influence a person’s ability to communicate, behave, and maintain relationships. Individuals who belong to broken families or have been brought up under emotional turmoil due to family issues have difficulty navigating adult relationships. Not only do you have difficulty maintaining healthy relationships. But the lack of them makes you uncomfortable in new and stable relationships.?

Personality of the Partner

Finally, in spite of best efforts, you will find that your partner’s aloofness might be the cause behind your feelings. Some individuals have difficulty showing affection. Further still, those with avoidant personality styles struggle to be present for their loved ones. This, in turn, leads to feelings of being unwanted or unloved by the partner.?

I feel unwanted in my relationship. Is it my fault?

As discussed above, there can be several areas that could be the origin of such feelings. But when we consider accountability for those feelings, there is no easy answer. Rather, it depends from person to person. Sometimes, you have these feelings because of unknown patterns deep-seated in you that could be increasing these feelings. Below mentioned are some such patterns.

Insecure and Anxious Personality

As we discussed above, your personality can significantly influence your approach towards your loved ones, especially your romantic partner. If, as a child, you had a parent who suffered from anxiety or had a parent who wasn’t available emotionally, you will be an anxious adult.?

You will most likely develop constant insecurity of your partner abandoning you, similar to how, as a child, you would be ignored by your parents. Additionally, you will have difficulty feeling stable in a relationship as your personality will almost always be on the edge, looking for issues that lead you to be alone.?

Avoidant Personality

Secondly, a person with an avoidant personality has learned to deal with conflicts and difficult feelings by avoiding them altogether. In relationships, this translates into being unavailable emotionally or not addressing needs and concerns. This makes the partner withdraw or feel that you don’t care about them. This withdrawal further elevates the feelings of being unloved or unwanted and creates a vicious cycle until your partner decides to quit the relationship altogether.?

Abuse or Trauma?

Without a doubt, individuals with a history of physical, verbal, or emotional abuse have difficulties in feeling safe and secure around another individual. If you have undergone an abusive relationship or been through severe trauma, you will discover that your feelings will always make you feel scared and unsafe. Even if you do feel safe, you will need more reassurance than normally needed as your brain and body have gone through instances when you were not safe, i.e., traumatic incidents.?

Low Self-esteem

Most commonly, low confidence or self-esteem can have multiple impacts on your relationship with your partner. First of all, it affects your ability to communicate effectively with your partner, making them guess what is wrong. Secondly, you will struggle to feel confident in yourself and constantly think about what is wrong with you and why your partner should leave you. This will put an extra load on your partner, and they might not be able to reassure you constantly. ?

How to Stop Feeling Unwanted?

Invariably, such feelings can create difficulties in maintaining a relationship and staying satisfied in one. This is why it is essential to address and explore feelings of unloved and not cared for within you. Primarily, being honest about what could be causing these feelings is important. Here’s how you can get to the bottom of your feelings of being unwanted.?

Self-reflection and Introspection?

Essentially, self-reflection is a predecessor to most forms of self-healing. There are many ways to initiate the process of self-reflection. Introspection and reflection can help you understand where your feelings of being unwanted are coming from. Moreover, processes of journaling and observations used to introspect can provide otherwise ignored insights into relationships and feelings.?

Communication

Indeed, the most popular way to address varied concerns in a relationship is to discuss them with your partner. Communication helps in understanding the perspectives of both partners. Moreover, communicating when you feel unloved can help your partner understand your needs better and provide you with the assurance and love that you need.?

Therapy

In particular, therapy has been an evidence-based approach to understanding the feelings that disturb you and also where they originate from. If your feelings of being unloved are directed towards your intimate relationship only, then you can go for couples therapy. A professional outlook can help you balance your needs better and communicate them to your partner.?

Conclusion?

In conclusion, attachment styles, dysfunctional childhood, and the personality of the partner are the main reasons why you have feelings of being unwanted. Furthermore, different types of personalities, abuse, and trauma are behind your own contributions to feeling unwanted. Finally, self-reflection, communication, and therapy are the best ways to deal with the feelings of being unwanted.

References?

[1] M. R. Leary, “Emotional responses to interpersonal rejection,” Dialogues in clinical neuroscience, vol. 17, no. 4, pp. 435–41, 2015, Available: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4734881/

[2] B. M. Wardecker, W. J. Chopik, A. C. Moors, and R. S. Edelstein, “Avoidant Attachment Style,” Encyclopedia of Personality and Individual Differences, pp. 1–7, 2016, doi: https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-28099-8_2015-2.