I feel sick to my stomach....

I woke up this morning feeling physically ill. Last night I did something I thought I would never do. I have a knot in my stomach the size of a basketball and every time I think about it I can hardly breathe. Have you ever felt that way?

I dropped my son off at the airport and left him there. And I am ashamed to say I actually paid for his airline ticket as a present and encouraged him to leave his family.

I am really excited for him and I know this is a really important milestone in his life. It is no longer about us (his father and I) or his family. Its about this young man finding his way in the world and being independent.

It is a strange feeling because I am totally over parenting. I mean cooking, stacking the fridge with food (only to find there is nothing to eat an hour later) washing dirty clothes and in particular the muddy footy clothes. And buying boxes and boxes of snack bars!

I am over being everything to everyone and never having time for me. I want to downsize, move forward, enjoy our lives and holiday without the cost of the national debt. I am ready for the next stage of our lives. AND yet I am feeling such sadness!

I am a person who loves change. I hate routine and found it almost unbearable when my children where young. I stepped outside of my comfort zone and I believe while I found parenting challenging I found it just as rewarding. I am truly excited by the fact that this part of my live is coming to an end. To be really honest as I always worked full-time, that first 10 years is now a blur of activity as it was so busy keeping all the balls in the air.

Accepting my feelings and my emotions is really important. I am sad that this time in my life has finished. I am a little annoyed at myself for wishing the children to be older but that is part of the learning. I am no longer Mother of two little boys who loved me just because I was me. I am now a mother of two young men who love me just because I am me.

I can suppress my emotions and push them down. Put a brave face on and push forward. Keep busy choosing not to feel any of this sadness and just keep going. I did that once when the kids where very young and I was working long hours "trying" to be something to everyone. It was back in 2003 and I ended up with anxiety and panic attacks. You know what is even more distressing looking back at that time?....even then I never took one day off to deal with it. I was proud that even while my insides were turing inside out - I never dropped one ball!

What happens when we ignore our emotions?

1. Pain becomes stronger. By pushing our emotions down we make our own pain more unbearable. The pain will also become stronger. Our emotions are flags of awareness.
2. We explode. Think of a coke bottle that has been shaken up and then you open it. It sprays all over everything and makes a big mess. It might be a little thing but the reaction will be over the top because we are at tipping point.
3. It can turn into mental illness. It starts as just "coping" with the "day to day" stresses of live but when you get into a habit of ignoring your emotions at some point your on a slippery slope to poor thinking. This is the start of mental illness.

How to acknowledge our emotions?

1. Write it down. Just like I have written this article writing how you feel is a great start to accepting and releasing our feelings. I feel better just by sharing my story with you. It has not totally gone however I am not sure if I am ready for that either.
2. Just be. Mindfulness around the situation and allowing your emotions to come up is really important. It is okay to take some time to sit and feel your feelings.
3. Talk to a friend or trusted adviser. It maybe a friend you need to share your feelings with or a coach or councillor. It's about sharing your feelings and just having a sounding board. You may not need solutions you may just need an ear!

Today I am taking some timeout for me. First I feel the emotions and acknowledge them. After that it's time to "reframe" the situation. And just by using that word "reframe" I feel a glimmer of excitement as this is the tapestry of life.

We all need to feel all our emotions, not just the ones that are positive. It's the seesaw of life....you need to know what down is.....to enjoy the high's of life!

A REMINDER HERE:

“Do. Or do not. There is no try.” Yoda - The Empire Strikes Back

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PS Thank you for reading!