I Feel Empty

My favorite companion those days was, “Gosh, I have nothing to wear”.

I never had anything to wear. Believe me, when you read this, I used to buy a piece of clothing every time I had to socialize. Sometimes on my way to the party, if not before. My constant remark while standing in front of my wardrobe would be “I have nothing to wear!” Whereas in reality, my clothes took up more space than my books.

I bet I am not alone here. I believe we’ve all been there. Staring at the big stuffed wardrobe stocked with clothes and still not finding anything worth wearing. I bought all those myself. They were my choice. I didn’t outgrow them, that’s certain. What exactly happened?

One-liner – It didn’t feel like satisfaction. I always wanted more.

Realization struck years later.

I was trapped. Trapped in what you might wonder.

The void.

The void that is the result of,

●??????Wanting to feel better.

●??????Avoiding if/any pain or suffering you’ve experienced

●??????Wanting to feel pleasure.

This void forced me into buying things I didn’t need.

Theoretically speaking, we need food, water, shelter, electricity, and clothes for surviving. Nothing less. Nothing more. We don’t need a daily shot of Starbucks, twenty pairs of shoes, a 65-inch television, or a Tesla. But almost all of us have invested in these non-essential things. Statistically speaking, the majority of our expenses are not directed towards acquiring the essentials for survival. We are maxing out our credit cards to find something else. We are trying to find joy and happiness in materialistic things. The real question is how much is enough?

I don’t have one answer for that.

The rationale

●??????I buy a new dress and now I have to get footwear and accessories to match.

●??????My first purchase was a new phone followed by new earphones that matched the phone.

●??????I recently bought a new table and suddenly I was questioning the layout of my entire living room. Those chairs? That couch? That rug?

They all looked so shabby. They had to go.

Coupled with my emotional emptiness, I had fallen prey to the Diderot Effect. This effect states that possessing a new belonging often creates a spiral of consumption which leads you to want more new things. Consequently, happiness becomes directly proportional to the number of new belongings.

When we buy things, we want them to fit into our existing tastes and standards. However, when we bring something new into our lives, we can’t help comparing it to the things we already own, which makes us look at the old items with a more critical eye.

Is that all? Am I more concerned about aesthetics? I feel there’s more.

Consciously or unconsciously, we express ourselves through our possessions. We sync them as a part of our identity. How many times have you tried on an article of clothing and thought “This just isn’t me?”

Consider this,

Whenever I buy something new, I feel a jolt of pleasure. Everything around me is perfect. It gives me a temporary escape. I am in my perfect reality until I see another blouse on display. That looks better than the one I bought. A dialogue starts, “I will look ravishing in this. It is made for me. I HAVE to buy this. This is perfect for my next ‘gram post. I will get so many likes.” I buy it. Pressing forward two years, that blouse is store packed. That perfect blouse didn’t qualify as a wearable later.

A friend once announced this to me, “we should stop buying recklessly. It will not fill the emptiness inside us.”

That was my Aha! moment. Everything made sense then. I saw myself as my belongings. It gave me a sense of security. The more stuff I hoard the safer I felt. When people meet me, they will focus on my external appearance and no one will notice how shattered I am inside. This was my reason. I was trying to solve all of my problems through the act of buying.

I can state with utmost certainty that I am not alone in this.

Why do we think we are not enough?

Life is a stage where the spotlight is shared by social pressure, discounts & promotions, media influence, affluence, and your level of minimal stimulation. My self-image and self-concept are a combination of all.

Banners, posters, movies, magazines, etc all tell you what you are supposed to be. We tend to idolize these standards either consciously or unconsciously. We get motivated to buy new items whenever our best friend buys something new. Well, we don’t need it, but our minds are directing us differently. Couple this thought with a sale board outside your favorite store.

Discounts, sales, and promotions are the biggest hoax. They trap us into buying things that will eventually end up in the back of our closet or the dumpster.

The mastermind behind the play is a lack of self-control with monetary luxury. Having this luxury isn’t necessarily a bad thing given you exercise it cautiously.

Can I unlearn and relearn it?

Our natural inclination is often to accumulate, add, upgrade, and build upon. We have to learn to curate, eliminate, and focus on the things that matter.

Buy items that fit your current system - Buy things that match your current surroundings. Eg – if you are someone who goes into this spiral, buy a rug that matches your current living room and not vice versa. Purchasing new clothes? Look for items that work well with the current wardrobe.

Reduce Exposure - Cons of existing during the industrial revolution is the abundance of cues. Cues that trigger this splurging habit. The easiest way theoretically is to reduce the exposure. Practically, the story is slightly different. Here are a few things that we can try to change the story,

●??????Don’t follow any shopping pages on Instagram or Facebook

●??????Browse in incognito mode.

●??????Make it a habit to only shop offline.

●??????Avoid going to the malls during the sale season.

●??????Meet friends at the park rather than at the mall.

●??????Rent stuff instead of buying.

Maintain the balance – The aim is to prevent cluttering. Practice buying one, give one. ?Each time you make a new purchase, give something away. Want a new phone? Exchange the old one for the new one. This is a great practice that not only creates space but saves some money as well.

Set self-imposed limits - The most important technique is self-control. Take guidance from others to help you achieve this. Eg, choose a friend and sign a behavioral contract. This way we can keep our behavior in check.

(Examples of behavioral contracts are available online).

Mindful meditation – This alternative is my go-to option. Spending a few minutes daily creates awareness that is beneficial in identifying the triggering cues.

Let go of the wanting mindset – As humans, we are never satisfied. There is always something to upgrade to. Got a Honda? You can upgrade to a Mercedes. Got a Mercedes? You can upgrade to a Bentley. Got a Bentley? You can upgrade to a Ferrari. Got a Ferrari? What about a private plane? There is no end.

It all starts with the mindset. Realize that wanting is just an option your mind provides, not an order you have to follow. Adopt a practice of gratitude instead of a practice of want.

Let’s assess our reasons behind the desired purchases. Do I need a new car? Do I need that vacation? Do I need those shoes? Chances are, I don’t need any of these things. I am trying to fill the void. If you are someone who struggles with unintended purchases and wants to find a deeper purpose in life, Visit us at www.transformhappily.com or email us at [email protected]. You can also call our customer wellness managers on our toll-free number 1800-833-8747 and let us help you transform, happily!