I failed, yet again....but - Thoughts Of A Father
26th June 2023.
It has been close to 4 months since I have written something. It was an intentional decision taken by me due to certain circumstances.
March 2023 was the month when I last wrote something. That was the month when the final exam result for my daughter came out. And this year too, as I had done since the past 7 to 8 years, I expected some miracle. Some miracle, that will make her report card look magnificent. However, such things happen only in movies. Real life, sadly, does not adhere to such dramatic changes. And as usual, this year as well, I got a report card which was very disappointing. Much like what I have been getting ever since she started school.
I was sad, frustrated, angry – all at the same time. The effort that was put in by us parents seemed to have been in vain. I did not speak to her for one whole day and was not in a mood to talk to anyone else for that matter. After a day, my wife was frustrated at me and pointed out, most rightly so as well, that me, who has written motivating articles, should learn from them as well. Or stop writing those. The state of mind I was in, I decided to adopt the second option. I stopped writing.
My decision was to start writing only after I was able to change my 12-year-old. Only when I was able to make her study, change her attitude towards her academic responsibilities, will I write again. I know many would say that she is too young to take things seriously, that she will start to study when she is in high school, that a day will come when she realises her responsibilities and change, wait for it. Again, for such things to happen, we must be in a fantasy world. In real life, I do not think such dramatic changes happen at an instant. With that in mind, when this school year started, I became a little stricter, little more stringent with her study time and timetable to follow at home. And now, almost one month has passed and her first exam in this new academic year has come around.
And I have to say, I failed miserably. There is no change in my daughter’s attitude, no change in the way she studies, and I am pretty sure there will not be much changes in what marks I will see next week. Once again, the wife came to me, seeing my once again frustrated face and pointed out, again most rightly so, that I have to stop worrying about her so much. If every student in the world gets A+, the world would be so boring, she said. She pointed out that I should stop thinking about our kid’s future so much and try to do things that I like as well. That woman has an uncanny ability to say the most logical things at the most appropriate moments. And to be honest, though I hate to admit it, she is always right as well.
As a parent it is difficult to not have so much hopes and expectations pinned on my child. ?It does not help that whenever I visit a friend’s or relative’s house there is always a shelf, or a desk kept in the living room filled with trophies and medals won by their kids over the years. I know, you are saying “why are you comparing with them? That is not good, that is not right”. I too have read all the books and articles and listened to ted talks and YouTube speeches that convey the same – let children grow up in their own way, don’t look at other kids and compare, don’t pressurize them etc etc.. Well, you know what, if you are living in a society like ours, it is humanly impossible to follow the so called “gyan”. No matter how educated, how well read, how knowledgeable you are, you will end up being a typical parent at least for some time in your life.
So much has happened around us in the past few months. We saw a tragic train accident in India, heard about the miracle that happened in the Amazon jungle where 4 children survived the harsh surroundings for 40 days, read about the unfortunate end to the Titan submersible in the Atlantic sea. We watched how India failed in the world test championship, and how the Ashes series has started with the first test once again proving that it only takes one man to change the fortune.
And if there is one thing that I will take to my heart from all this , that is the fact that life is never a smooth ride. There is tragedy, there is loss, and there are miracles and there are heroic acts that save the day as well. One just has be patient and not give up.