I failed as a woman...

And I could not bring myself to celebrate International Women’s Day.

Many of you who know me might be surprised by this. I speak about women empowerment a lot, work on a private 1:1 coaching basis with female trailblazers in their industries, champion women in business (especially women of colour in this space)…? I even run a private collective membership, The Audacity, where women in business come together to discuss things we often do not have a space for, such as:

• What do you do as a woman when you are a senior leader or business owner but also struggle internally with things like people pleasing? When you want to be showing compassion but also not seen as ‘soft’ or ‘weak’?
• How can we create a new normal at a dinner party where we communicate and share with transparency on topics like money, investment, finance, and business just as much as we talk about restaurants, holidays, or handbags?
• What are the practical ways women can support each other in business, apart from wearing a pink dress on IWD or typing #womenempowerment on social media - how can we open doors, make an introduction or say a name offline,? and make business connections that truly benefit each other in real terms?

I still believe deeply in all of the above.

But the truth is, this year I could not bring myself to celebrate IWD publicly.

And the reason is because I felt as though personally... I failed as a woman.

Mid last year, in May 2023, I made the difficult decision to end a long term relationship of six years with a man that I believed for over half a decade I was going to marry. Growing up in a South East Asian household, and the eldest child (if you know, you know) it was extremely difficult, especially so because it was something that my late mother wished for me even in her final days before she passed on unexpectedly in 2021.

What made it worse was attending my younger sister’s wedding in that very same week. The paradoxical mourning of a deep loss, while seeing what I envisioned happen in front of me for my sister and being happy for her simultaneoulsly, the barrage of questions from family and friends for why I would throw away something that was ‘perfect on paper’… the mix and duality of these resulted in one distinct emotion: I felt like a failure.

I consider myself to be an independent, open-minded and liberal individual and so I was completely unprepared for the flood of emotions and self doubt that hit me after this decision.

??Was I selfish for prioritising my own desires? Was there something wrong with me for not making family my first priority in life?

??Maybe there is no perfect relationship, so I should have ‘settled’?

??I know I made the right decision for myself and my happiness, so why did I feel such a tremendous sense of guilt and shame?

??Maybe there really is something wrong with me for being ‘too independent’ and not ‘soft’ or ‘feminine’ enough?

After taking some time to deeply reflect, here is what I realised.

• I realised a deeper inner clarity. I have never believed in my worth as a woman and individual being defined by my relationship status, however I did realise after prioritising business over all else that this is indeed one area of life that I deeply desire to build for myself.
• I realised that I have always been something that was never ok with ‘good enough’. It was just never good enough for me — I have something against the idea of ‘settling’ or the notion of going for ‘satisfactory’. Why go for good, when you can go for something great? And that inner rebel to push for constant growth has also served me well, propelled me forward, and invited business opportunities and doors that were previously never accessible.
• I realised an even deeper sense of self confidence. I have always done things in my own way and on my own timeline… and my gut instinct has never failed me, particularly when it comes to big life decisions. I realised that the fact that I let go of what was not right, only makes space for what is meant for me to come into my life. And I truly believe that, be it in business or in life.

I realised that although this decision unexpectedly hit me harder than I initially expected - or would like to admit - it does not make me less of a woman, or less of a person.

It is not a failure because you either win, or you learn a valuable lesson.

It is not a loss - because you cannot lose something you have never owned in the first place.

P.s. On a separate note, I often find it to be far easier to deal with failures at work and in business, but so difficult to process when it pertains to personal life - because it is so difficult to separate the ‘failure’ event from yourself as an individual in the personal domain. Anyone feel me on this?

As a digital business coach, I work with top business owners and industry leaders to build, monetise, and leverage your personal brand in today’s digital market – so you can turn your online audience into paid clients and business opportunities. Message me to find out more. ??

#internationalwomensday #IWD #personalbranding #businesscoach