I Failed. I Owned it. I Came Out a Better Person.

One of the things the Phoenix symbolizes is facing adversity and coming out the other side. It shows that regardless of how hard you fall, a person has the ability to 'rise from the ashes.'

Each of us has had this experience in our lives. Some of us multiple times. It could be in our personal lives, our professional lives or a lot of times both.

It is important to acknowledge this, to own it. Failure can be a great teacher.

One of my greatest failures started when I was 18. I was a young writer, I was dealing with problems in my life both socially and academically and I needed an outlet. More than that I wanted to make a difference. I decided to write a book. I titled it, 'Hell Driven Pigments & Candy Apples; The Trials and Tribulations of Life with ADHD.' (Catchy name right?)

My goal with the book was to use stories from my life to show kids and parents what someone with ADHD goes through. To let them know that they are not alone. I wanted to give hope to those that were feeling defeated and I wanted to have parents read it and have a better understanding of what is going on in the mind of their child.

I worked and worked and worked on it. I went into stories that had been suppressed into the deep dark canals of my subconscious. 300 pages I got through...Until I realized there was a problem. I was writing an autobiography. Who is going to care about my story?

At that point I had an idea. I was going to find an ADHD coach and team with them on the project. It was going to be unique. I was still going to write all these stories, but at the end of each chapter, the expert would talk about the specific ADHD behaviors that played a role in how I acted and provide advice on what kind of solutions could have been used to either avoid the situation or make it better.

I went to a very popular ADHD Magazine. I looked up experts and reached out to hundreds. Out of that I got about 30 responses and from that pool I got one expert to say yes. We agreed on the format and the expert got to work. They had about 14 chapters done, I had contacted publishers and agents and was making headway.

But, it was taking longer than I expected. The expert also had a full time job. I was a student. I also had a girlfriend.Time passed. I lost energy, I lost focus and I lost hope. I started not responding to their e-mails out of guilt because I hadn't gotten as much done as I had promised. Then they stopped responding. This dream, this passion had been lost.

I had failed. Almost 10 years of work and I just let it go.

I was 26.

If I am being honest, I don't think I full acknowledged my failure until after I turned 30. Socially and emotionally I wasn't ready to until this point. The first thing I said to myself once I was ready, was that it was my fault. Looking back I wasn't prepared for the work it would take to turn my dream into a reality, and I wasn't willing to sacrifice my social life to have the time to get it done. I felt horrible about this but I felt worse that I had wasted this experts time. They were so accommodating and did everything they could, even though they had a full time lucrative profession, could have written their own book and were really doing it to help me out.

It was a really hard pill to swallow.

I can't sit here and tell you that once I had these realizations that I reached out and started the book back up, finished, got an agent, got a publisher and got the book out. That would have been the ultimate Phoenix Rising tale wouldn't it?

Instead, it gave me something better that would serve me the rest of my life. It gave me self awareness and the motivation to never let an internal struggle get me down like that again. I gained the ability to persevere.

Before, I was scared of challenges. Anything I wasn't sure I could do I immediately backed away from. Now, I anticipate challenges, proactively plot how to overcome them and will not stop until I do.

I have a grossly different perspective on failure than I did a decade ago. Failure does not make a person weak. Not in the slightest. Failure, when used to your advantage is the most amazing tool and can be the stepping stone to greatness.