I eat my lunch with chopsticks

I eat my lunch with chopsticks

When Covid hit and we were catapulted to a life of endless zoom calls in our bedrooms - I found myself having to eat lunch from my home in Dublin whilst multi-tasking on back to back video calls.

I remember one of the first times I had a lunch video call with my team, I was in the midst of eating a bowl of noodles with my staple pair of chopsticks. This is how I grew up. In the way that, say... fries taste better with ketchup, it is my unshakeable truth that noodles taste better with chopsticks.

But on this call - without skipping a beat, I remember putting my chopsticks aside - out of view from the camera. Out of view from my Irish colleagues. I proceeded through that video call not once taking a bite of my lunch, whilst everyone else munched through their sandwiches and crisps.

I hadn't given this moment much thought, but recently this memory surfaced as I was giving a presentation on 'Leading with Cultural Intelligence'.

How many times had I 'hidden' parts of myself to fit in?

How often had I refrained from what came naturally to me - for fear of 'sticking out'. For fear of being seen as 'different' ?

What other aspects of my life have I edited, censored, magnified, curated - in order to assimilate to the culture I found myself in?

I share this to raise awareness for what it's often like for those of us who are not of the 'dominant culture'. The constant hawk-eyed observing of what's accepted as the 'norm', followed by the constant code-switching in order to belong. It is exhausting.

The upside for people like me is you develop a well honed ability to listen, to observe, to adapt, to communicate 'for the audience'. You develop a highly sensitive antennae to 'reading the room' quickly.

The downside is you can edit yourself so much you start to lose sense of who you are. You contort yourself to the point of unrecognisable.


But as they say - Awareness is step one.

These days, I try to embrace and celebrate more of where I've come from, my cultural roots, my upbringing. I try to use my voice to raise awareness for all of us who've spent a lifetime trying to fit in from the margins.

There is a lot of unlearning I continue to do. Just as I often tell my children "Don't shrink yourself to fit in" - it is advice I have to remind myself to practice everyday.

In light of this, here are 2 thought starters I wanted to share from my talk on Cultural Intelligence - especially useful for those of us from dominant cultures:

1) Practice Cultural Humility

Cultural Humility is approaching another person's culture with curiosity, and from a place of learning and growth.

It is recognising that we are not experts on other people's customs and lives.

It is 'de-centered' in its framing. Often, we make the mistake of learning about other cultures whilst retaining the thought that our culture 'is the best'.

This quote by Richard D.Lewis, author of 'When Cultures Collide' illustrates this point:

“Collective programming in our culture, begun in the cradle and reinforced in kindergarten, school and the workplace, convinces us that we are normal, others eccentric.”

Too often - we go about the world thinking 'our way is the best' and others have 'idiosyncrasies', 'weird customs', or at worst- are 'uncivilised'.

Much like this HSBC ad, knowing that Braised Chicken Feet, Fried Crispy Grasshoppers and Snails in Garlic Butter are delicacies in different parts of the world - require a 'de-centering' of our lens, and a childlike wonder at the diversity of our world.

2) Develop an Awareness for Cultural Differences

We may think the English language is quite rich in vocabulary, with approximately 172, 000 word entries in its dictionary. But compare this to the Russians who have 150,000, the Koreans who have 1,100,000 and the Japanese, who have 500,000.

When it comes to the difference in how the Japanese communicate vs their Western European or American counterparts for example, a Japanese word - Kuuki Yomenai - brings this difference to life.

'Kuuki Yomenai' translates to "one who cannot read the air."

This is used to describe a person sorely lacking the ability to read between the lines. In Japan, if you can’t read the air, you are not a good listener.?

In contrast, in cultures like the US, Netherlands and Germany - effective communication is often simple, clear and explicit.

In cultures like Japan, one must learn how to understand implicit communication - often through non verbal cues. When I used to go to Tokyo for meetings, I was briefed on how I should position myself (physically) in meetings, the importance of 'reading between the lines', the significance of gestures, eye contact and body language.

One must learn how to 'read the air'.

If you come from a culture that prioritises 'direct' verbal communication with little conveyed 'between the lines', building the muscle to 'read the air' takes intentional practice!

Another example is how Asians have what we refer to as 'holistic' thought patterns, whilst Westerners tend to have what we call a 'specific' approach.

An example:

Chinese people tend to think from macro to micro, whereas those from Western European countries or the US, tend to think from micro to macro.

To illustrate this point - see below how the Chinese write their addresses on post. You start with the country - then State, Town, Street, and finally - the Name. (As you know, this is the reverse in the 'west'!) An example of macro to micro:

Chinese also put surnames first, whereas those in the 'west', do it the other way around.

My name on my birth certificate is FOO CHIN RU. As with Chinese culture, the family name always comes first (another example of how I've adapted to 'Western' culture by placing my family name last in workplace forums (like Linkedin!)

This difference in 'holistic' vs 'specific' can lead to misunderstanding in the workplace - where the Chinese can be seen to be 'going round the houses' and not addressing key points deliberately, whilst East Asians may see Westerners as myopic in their decision making at the expense of considering significant interdependencies.

Awareness of these cultural differences (from a place of curiosity and humility!) - in how we communicate, disagree, persuade and evaluate is a fundamental skill we must learn as leaders across global organisations.

Reading Erin Meyer's book 'The Culture Map' is a fascinating 'guide' to how we might improve our understanding of each other across cultures. She outlines 8 key 'steps' to help map these differences (a snapshot of these 8 steps below). You can also explore her mapping tool here.

Finally, I leave you with this cartoon. Another reminder on the importance of Cultural Humility! Don't be THAT tourist !


Also - check out my latest podcast episode with Elaine Lin Hering, author of 'Unlearning Silence'. How we've learned to be silent, how we've benefited from silence, how we've silenced others -and how we might choose another way. Download here!

As always, I'd love to hear from you. Drop me a message if any of this sparked a thought!


???? Hi, I'm the founder CEO of Crew & Riot.?

My mission is to help leaders build inclusive brands and cultures.

Here's how I can help you:

??Building Brand strategies for business AND social impact

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Katherine Longhi

Helping Passionate HR Leaders Run DEI Programs that Actually Work ?? 1/2 Employee Relations Cases ?? Work-Life Integration ??4-Day Work Weeks ?? 12-Week Transformation

5 个月

I think everyone can see themselves in this wonderful article. How many times have we hidden away our difference so that others won't see? Thank you for bolding putting your chopsticks out there so we can all shed a layer (or two). :-)

Rajiv Bhatia

Advisor Business Development - Peuch & Besse, GlobalScot, Master of the Quaich

5 个月

Brilliantly written … eating with chopsticks ?? is an art ????????

Remi Baker FRSA

Founder/Coach/Trustee? Connecting Creativity, Change & Transformation ?

5 个月

Great read and thank you for sharing. Love that you are encouraging your children not to edit away; it’s so important to help next gens feel truly empowered and liberated to be and own fully all that they are, and the many cultural facets that contribute.

Dr. Marina Korzenevica, PhD.

Researcher in Gender and Inequalities within the FCDO funded project REACH: Improving water security for poor (University of Oxford)

5 个月

A great article! But also... chopsticks are very cool :)

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