“I don’t want to be worthy of my sufferings”

“I don’t want to be worthy of my sufferings” said by Fedor Dostoyevsky. We are facing amazing challenges with this Covid-19, aren’t we? Another proof that life is unpredictable. Unfortunately, we have short memories and, after a few months, we will forget it and return back to our “new normal” as we define it now, BUT we should NOT forget this experience. In life everything matters; every second counts because there is no returning back. Make it count, don’t waste time, even more importantly during a lockdown.

Emotional Roller-Coaster - One week before the lockdown, I started my business in Coaching / Training, Public Relations & Communications and I was so excited; I was following my aspirations in my dreamland United Kingdom. Then my world turned upside down. Covid-19 knocked on the world’s door and shut us down. I thought, ‘come on Nadia, you are a performance coach and you have been through many challenges so far in life.’ I thought I do know how to manage my emotions and challenges, although I must say that it took me years of hard work, education and strong will. I come from the old school of ‘when there is a will, there is a way’ and anyone who knows me or has worked with me knows that I always find the way. Maybe being a little bit stubborn when it comes to achievement is helpful. That’s not my message, though, of todays’ article, but I would like to share with you my emotional roller coaster, especially for the “strong” people, to whom I say that it is okay to get emotional.

Dear reader, everyone, around me has been so miserable, negative and pessimistic, especially in the beginning of the Covid-19 phase. Being alone in my lovely cosy but still one-bedroom flat, friends were calling me in fits of desperation, crying and of course with very negative comments about me starting a new business at this time. Honestly, if I didn’t do what I did, even claiming that I have a strong mind, I would have jumped out of my window! I told my good friends “DON’T you dare to call me again, until this is over, because I don’t have time for this shit.” Yeah, I did tell them that, and they didn’t like it. I had to protect my sanity and my perseverance.

People – as I am writing in my book soon to be published – can lift you up and they can literally destroy you. I have been doing this for years and it really has helped me to keep going. It is true what we say, that “you become the people who are around you.” Those people are not me and I don’t want to be them!

Emotions were crazy: some days you wake up feeling so positive and ready to conquer the world, and the next day you wake up feeling as if you have no purpose. Can you relate to that? And the worst days were those when our subconscious plays tricks on us, probably because it’s bored too. All sorts of memories come to mind – mistakes we made, guilty feelings and all our demons are dancing in front of our eyes, teasing our emotions. Imagine that moment when a ‘friend’ calls you and talks to you with desperation and sadness, tell me how will that serve your well-being? It will drive you crazy, right? We don’t need that, do we? I am not saying that everything is perfect, I’m just saying that I have been through an emotional roller coaster. But tell me truly, you haven’t faced any challenges in your life? You are still here and thriving aren’t you? If not, then maybe you should change your mindset and do something about it, because it ain’t gonna change on its own! Tough luck, but that’s life. Own it, learn from it and move on.

During the past few days, I have been reading a book called “Man’s Search for Meaning.” I love philosophy and literature. Viktor E. Frankl takes us through his experiences in Auschwitz and, even though he didn’t know whether he was going to live or not, he kept his spirit up and was hoping for better days to come. Can you imagine that? Picture yourself in Auschwitz with the chimney next to you, smelling the burnt bodies of the people who were alive next to you just one day ago, knowing that you might be the next one today. Even then, there were two kinds of people, the pessimists and the optimists. We need to try to find beauty even in the darkest ugliest scenery, because that gives us hope that things will change, and they will change. If we change the filter, we see life. 

Inspired by the book of Dr. Viktor E. Frankl, it’s amazing the fact that at some point we learn to live with our suffering, in our case currently with the lockdown, and then we try to make the best of it, to suffer less, to cry less and try to find opportunities. It might be difficult to understand this, but there are opportunities out there that we didn’t have the chance to see before, because we were too busy.  We are more aware of our relationships and whether we will keep them or not.  We learn that we don’t need many things to be happy, we don’t need haute couture or expensive bags, because we might die tomorrow and creating memories is much more important. We appreciated family more and ourselves. All these happened during the lockdown; we wouldn’t have succeeded in all the above if we hadn’t experienced this suffering. And yet, there are people whose sufferings are far greater.

In March I lost a good client, but more importantly a dear friend, from cancer. He was just 42 years old, ambitious, intelligent, lively and a happy person. Then two days, ago, a very dear friend – actually, she is like a sister to me – had a second breast cancer operation within less than 3 weeks. I won’t lie to you, I was crying all day, praying to God to help her get through this suffering. How can I complain about the lockdown, for not being able to go to the pub or restaurant, when you reflect on people who survived Auschwitz and how they had hope, and those people who are literally fighting for their own lives now and still hoping?

Yes, we are allowed to feel sad, desperate and even angry sometimes. It is not easy to be locked in a flat, without a garden, or even with a garden, and yet you have to sustain your positive spirit. Please, I do understand as I am in the same position. But what I want to tell you is that through our sufferings, we can create habits that we have never thought of before. I have read 4 books so far, written my own book and updated my website, plus I have new clients. And yes, on many days I have cried to take out the aggression and energy I have, or dancing like crazy, and doing a hard workout, but I won’t allow my frustration to last more than three hours, based on my theory #3: we should not be sad or frustrated for more than 3 minutes, 3 hours, 3 days and the maximum for severe cases 3 months.  Yes, even sorrow has a deadline!  In life everything has a deadline, even ourselves.

Thinking of that, it means that this lockdown also has a deadline; the point is what have we learned from it? We are stronger than what we think we are – it’s already been so many weeks and we are still here, that makes us strong. We realized that there is no perfection, but there is the chance to change our mindset, to change our lives in such a way that makes us happy. It is all about us feeling good. What makes you feel good? Write down, what brings happiness to you, and reflect.

Yes, I have discovered TIK TOK and my daughter of course makes fun of me, but I am happy to see so many people entertain themselves, and sad when I see so many people feeling lonely. We are not alone; social media is now connecting people in a different way. My generation has adjusted to this new era of hi-tech, we can adjust in any new situation because we are doers. Older generations survived Auschwitz, plagues, and two World Wars; we will get out of this pandemic even stronger.

As I have mentioned to many of you in my YouTube videos and articles:

• create a new structured routine based on your new situation
• Don’t block your subconscious when it’s playing tricks on you and don’t allow it to control your emotions
• A person without the ability to see the end of his or her provisional existence is lost
• Find your purpose, and if you must, adjust it based on what is happening now, but don’t give up on yourself
• Rationalise & Improvise
• Dance, exercise, take that energy out
• Be proud of yourself – You are a Hero!.

“I don’t want to be worthy of my sufferings” – ending with this amazing phrase. I am better from my sufferings and I will prove it to myself. This should be our daily mantra:

WE ARE NOT WORTHY OF OUR SUFFERINGS! WE ARE DOERS.

Nadia Themis