I don’t want pickle on mine! - Getting clear on our conditions of satisfaction

Last week while I was standing in line at a well-known fast food restaurant, waiting to order my lunch, I had an epiphany.

No, it wasn’t diet related. I’m aware many people see fast food as evil.  But something struck me quite intensely as I listened to the conversation unfolding around me. Many people seemed happy with the burgers they had received from their server. Diners were tucking into their food, unabashedly covering themselves in dressing and expertly catching pieces of wayward tomato and cramming in fries before they got cold.

However, above the hum of happy munching and pleasant chat, I could hear the offended tone of a small child who had obviously been given an adult burger. He was waving the offensive item he had extracted from the inside of the sandwich around like a tiny green flag and wailing “I didn’t want pickle on mine!”

Not exactly what he wanted!

Of course, his mother was trying to remind him that he loves burgers and to explain that pickle was part of the deal when having a ‘gown-up burger’. A fact that he vigorously rejected.

His response was to fling the pickle onto his tray in disgust and loudly declare that if this was the case, he no longer wanted to eat burger. Not only did he not want to eat the burger he had been given right now, he didn’t want to entertain the idea of any other burger. In fact, he decided and loudly declared he didn’t want to eat any burger there ever again! He was done with the servers, the place and the food. His love affair with burgers had officially ended. He hated burgers!

Never again!

His mother, who I think should have been awarded a medal by this point, calmly told him that if he didn’t want pickle he should have asked for no pickle.

He maturely replied that he didn’t know his burger would come with pickle on so he couldn’t have. Excellent logic!

I realise that this whole blog so far seems to revolve around whether a slice of small cucumber is offensive or not when added to a burger, but it made me stop and consider how often we do this as adults. I looked around to discover that many of the happy diners had gone ahead and extracted the pickle from the inside of their burgers and discarded it, without causing a scene, onto their trays. It was clear that they didn’t want pickle either! 

Be super specific in what you’re asking for

How often have we asked for something without really being specific about what it is we would really like, or what we truly expect? How often after that have we accepted what we were given, even when it wasn’t exactly what we wanted? And how often have we had a small but secret tantrum (we are grown-ups , after all) when we discover that the performer of our request got it so very wrong and decided not to ask them for anything else in the future?

I see this scenario play out all the time. I see people ask for what they want in general terms.  I see them wait with anticipation for the fulfillment of their request. Then I see the disappointment and frustration that occurs when expectations go unfulfilled and adults settle for less than they wanted. Or they don’t. And the blame game commences!

As humans, we often forget to make clear requests. We forget to add the ‘and no pickle’ instruction and get really specific about the output we expect, whether that be at work, at home or at leisure.

When we do remember, here at AB, we call this getting clear on our conditions of satisfaction. Saying right up front what it is we really want and checking with the person we are asking that they understood and can deliver.

Four things to remember

In the Breakthrough world, we would say that in order to ensure you get exactly what you want, there are four things to remember when you make a request:

1.    What do you want? Specifically! 

2.    Who are you asking? (Again, be specific. Make sure you are making the request of the right person – the person who can actually deliver on your request.

3.    When? Do you want this thing immediately? Or will two weeks on Monday be ok? Often, we forget that it really helps people dealing with multiple priorities to prioritise when our requests include a deadline.

4.    Conditions of satisfaction - And here is the crux of the matter (If you’re asking for a report from someone at work, do you mean a full-on statistical analysis or a six bullet-point list? The difference is significant and so is the effort required.) Do you want it hand written, or emailed?

 And if you find yourself in a fast food restaurant asking for a ‘grown-up’ burger, have you made it very clear that you absolutely don’t want pickle on yours?