"I Don't Want To Be A Mom Anymore"

I’m so over being a mother. Don’t get me wrong I love my children dearly, but being a mom every day? By myself? Lord help me. As a single mother of three boys, I often feel burned out. Everyday there is a new challenge, whether it’s trying to get them to pick up their clothes off the bathroom floor, getting them to school on time or getting them fed, bathe, read to, and tucked in bed by a decent hour. The daily struggle never ends. Not to mention I’m a single mother, who is also a full-time student and a full-time entrepreneur. Let’s talk about stress! It was only a few days ago though that I learned what I’m feeling is all too common in motherhood. The feeling of defeat, the feeling of depletion, the feeling of just being over it, has a name.

Understanding Depleted Mother Syndrome

Depleted Mother Syndrome (DMS) is when the demands of the motherhood are increased but her resources feel decreased. Chile, That’s every mother I know. According to some really smart people with a lot of letters behind their name, as a result of this imbalance, the mother’s emotional sensitivity to both internal and external triggers become heightened causing quick and frequent frustration, lashing out, anger, depression, anxiety, and in some cases even self-doubt and lowered self-esteem.

So, since I have now diagnosed about 97% of the world’s population of mothers, the question is how do we combat this? Or better yet, how do we get a disability check? Unfortunately, we can’t return the children nor can we get paid for having DMS(yet) but what we can do is learn to ask for help. We can learn to be more aware of our triggers, nourish ourselves, spend time in nature, and express our emotions in a healthy way.

I am the first one to admit I much as a cry out for help, I hate asking for it. But of course, that does nothing but deplete me more. And I know there’s one or two moms reading this saying “I don’t have any help”. Girl, I feel you. But help doesn’t always look like what you think it should. Help could be friends, neighbors, a mom you met at the park or on social media, or even a depleted moms support group. Supermoms NPO is a non-profit organization catered to single mothers who feel exactly like this. Organizations like this that offer support groups to moms is a great place to look to for help from people who understand first-hand what you’re feeling.

Signs of Depleted Mother Syndrome

Being aware of your triggers and noticing what ticks you off can help you understand the root of the problem. In reality you’re probably not really mad at the endless pile of laundry stacked up, you’re upset at yourself because when you feel lonely, instead of you pouring into yourself, you go shopping and purchase clothes that you nor your kids needed, which adds to the ends pile of laundry stacked in the closet. When you find yourself getting upset, I challenge you to sit in it for a moment. Check yourself and really take accountability for your action. Acknowledge your feelings and frustration then find ways soothe them gently, like going for a walk or turning on gospel music, or making yourself a “cup of tea”. (I hope you read that in a British accent lol)

How to Combat DMS as a Single Mom

When you’ve had a longgggg day and all you want to do is just sleep, scroll social media, or binge watch Netflix while eating a pint of ice cream. DON’T ! I REPEAT, PUT DOWN THE ICE CREAM. The most effective way long and short term to replenish our body is through good nutrition. Studies show that ultra processed food, which are foods high in sugar, salt, fat, and additives can raise the risk of depression and cause symptoms such as low mood, fatigue, and irritability. All of which you’re probably already feeling if you have DMS. So why would you add more sorrow to your plate? Make it make sense sis.

Nourishing yourself is not only nutritional, it is also spiritual as well. What we feed our soul is ultimately a reflection of what we put out to the world and how people perceive us. I know, I can hear you saying “I don’t care what people think of me”. It’s not about other people, It’s about you. What do you want to think about yourself? I’m not saying you have to find a church home and become a loyal member tomorrow. It’s really as simple as, pouring yourself a glass of water and just meditating or praying in silence. It could be going to a riverwalk early in the am to hear the birds sing and to admire God’s creation. Finding peace in your mind to rid of the worldly chaos; That’s nourishment.

Lastly, the ultimate hack to kick DMS in the tushy. Is to find you a therapist. Plain and simple, find you a professional health expert who can help guide you through your emotions and put language to how you’re feeling. I can probably guarantee (but don’t hold me to it) that most of your issues that you are facing in motherhood started before you became a mother (mic drop). I can’t speak to no other culture but it’s a fact that every African American person living today was born with some type of generational trauma and we are mostly taught (unconsciously) to hold in that trauma and deny any emotional baggage or shame we feel. Don’t do that anymore. When you do that, the emotions don’t go away they only grow and fester until they’re uncontrollable and by that time you’re check into a padded room. It’s okay to be frustrated, sad, angry, overwhelmed, exhausted, depressed, moody, or whatever it is you’re feeling. It’s not okay to use those emotions as an excuse to neglect your kids, your family, your friends, or yourself. ?

Get the help you need to become the Super Mom God created you to be.

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