I Don't Want to Be an Influencer Anymore

This post was originally published on my website.

I had originally intended this post to detail my recent vacation to St. Petersburg, Florida last week. However, since I literally cannot stop thinking about this, I am scrapping that post for this one instead. 

I do not want to be an influencer anymore. There, I said it. It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a long time, and I finally have the courage to get this off my chest. 

My professional life is way out of alignment with my values because of my desperation for attention and money. Let me explain. 

For years, I wanted to be someone on the internet. I learned HTML in the sixth grade so I could build a website for my “music career”. I wrote about my middle school adventures on LiveJournal. I spent hours carefully editing the code on my Myspace. I faithfully uploaded photo albums and status updates to Facebook. I devoted my evenings to writing my blog. I carefully curated my Tumblr to match my aesthetic. I dedicated my weeks to photoshoots for my Instagram feed. I diligently produced TikTok after TikTok. 

And for what? Validation, I guess. I’ve suffered from low self-esteem for as long as I can remember. I wanted to be famous on the internet because I wanted to feel important and worthy. I also wanted to feel less lonely. 

Now, after a couple years of therapy, I don’t feel like I need that validation anymore. Instead of seeking attention on the internet from strangers, I want to focus on developing my real life and filling my actual world with love and friendship. 

On a similar note, my freelance writing coaching business has gotten completely out of hand. I want to be 100% honest with you: I started this business because I wanted to make more money. I had big dreams of becoming a millionaire. 

Why did I need so much money? Well, for one, because I felt bad about myself (of course). I’m 32 years old. Many of my friends are married and have kids. Meanwhile, I haven’t been in a serious relationship since 2014. I have often felt like a loser because of this. So I figured, if I were rich and successful, it wouldn’t matter that I suck at romance, right? 

The other reason is that I have long suffered from financial insecurity. I don’t want to share more about this, but let’s just say I have a built-in scarcity mindset from experiences in my adolescence and young adulthood. 

Selling my wisdom about freelancing seemed like a natural pivot. After all, I am very successful at freelancing. I follow all of these fempreneur influencers like Jenna Kutcher and Amy Porterfield. They sell courses, so I thought I should sell a course too. Passive income, baby!

At the beginning of the pandemic, I was lucky enough to receive a disaster loan. I used that money to hire a contractor to help me grow my coaching business. 

Together, we plodded along, trying to grow my audience to launch a course. At first, we struggled. We only sold four courses during our first launch, and it looked like we would have to shut down the business for good. 

Then I got on TikTok. TikTok was sort of a “Hail Mary” for my coaching business. I posted about how much money I made in 2020 as a freelance copywriter versus how much I worked, and people were interested. On the next course launch, we sold more than ten times as many courses. 

I felt grateful that TikTok had done so much to help my business. However, TikTok (and social media in general) is extremely addictive. I became obsessed with creating more videos, getting more views, and attracting more followers. Every time one of my videos went viral, my whole body would buzz. At some points, I literally could not stop checking my phone for notifications. 

The next step was to hire a business coach to help me turn my newfound TikTok fame into money. I did very little research when hiring a coach. I just decided to hire one, and then hired the first one who came across my path. 

It wasn’t a good fit from the start. I was eager to learn and make more money. But in allowing myself to be coached, I stopped listening to my gut. I added coaching programs to my services, even though I am an introvert and I knew that all that face time would drain me. I just wanted more money so badly that I was willing to do pretty much anything to get it. 

I love my students, and I relish seeing them launch their freelancing businesses. Freelancing has given me so much, and I want to pass that knowledge on. 

However, I just can’t handle all the calls, comments, DMs, and emails. It’s too much for me. It’s not my personality. 

I have spent so much time developing this business that I have gotten away from the thing I wanted to do in the first place: writing! I no longer have time for writing for clients or pleasure.

I want to say THANK YOU to everyone who has taken the time to read my blog, take my course, and watch my videos. I especially want to thank my coaching students who invested so much time in working with me. 

But I just can’t keep this business going like it’s been going. I’m not happy. I no longer dream of becoming a millionaire. I don’t want to be internet famous anymore either. All I want is to live my little life in Cleveland. 

That being said, I don’t want to walk away from this business completely. My assistant and I have worked so hard to create all of this educational content for you, and I’m not ready to throw it all away. I believe that The Freelance Writer’s Guide to the Galaxy is the best resource out there for freelance copywriters. However, we will be working towards building this into a more passive business that has much less to do with me. 

So what does that mean for you, dear reader? Well, here is what you can expect:

• I will no longer be offering the Freelance Writing Buddies group coaching program. While it’s been fun, the time commitment is too much for me. 
• For the time being, I will still be offering Six Weeks to Launch(my one-on-one coaching program for new writers) on a very limited basis. I will not be taking on more than three coaching students at a time. 
• The sale on the original version of The Freelance Writer’s Guide to the Galaxy from July 2 to July 5 will go on as previously announced. 
• The updated version of The Freelance Writer’s Guide to the Galaxy will still launch on July 16. If you purchased the original version, you will automatically get the update. 
• I will no longer be doing course launches. Once the new version of The Freelance Writer’s Guide to the Galaxy is up, it’s up. If someone wants to join, great. I’m not going to make anyone wait to get started on their freelancing journey to create a false sense of scarcity. 
• I am stepping down as the face of this business. I will be rebranding this entire business to have less to do with me. I’m not sure what it will be called yet, but there will be a new website and new or rebranded social media accounts. I will let you know when that stuff is live. I haven’t decided yet what to do about my TikTok and YouTube channel. 

I apologize if you find this news disappointing. This is my life, though, and I need to live it how I see fit. I no longer believe in this ever-reaching social media influencer model, and I wouldn’t be living my truth if I continued in this fashion.