I don’t wanna work with… YOU

At the moment, I have just two clients on retainer. A third on the way. Some other smaller or bigger one time projects.?

It’s OK, but I want more. Naturally.?

However, I’m not going to FOMO you into submission: work with me now or (insert random shit). That ain’t my style. No discount, no “work with me now, ‘cause I’m going on vaycay”, no “only two spots left”.?

I don’t want to scare to sell. I want you to enjoy to employ (me or other professionals).?

That being said, there are certain people who I don’t wanna work with. Roll call!

INTERMEZZO:

“They are cvnts”

“Easy on the labelling there. They are people. These are just ways in which they behave”

“Yes, cvnt ways”

“OK, label the behaviour, not the person”

“They act like cvnts, so they are one, right?”

“And you never act like one?”

Fine, Dana, this one’s for you!

I’m in anger management therapy. As you can read, it’s going swell! It has taught me not to label people. Just attitudes and actions. So the following are cvntish behaviours, but not cvnt customers ??

The contract is just a piece of paper.

We signed something. But he does not want to abide by that. He’d just as soon use it for toilet paper.?

OUT!

The “do this”?

Look, I ABSOLUTELY LOVE it when a client gives me more work, on top of what we agreed. It means more money and more XP.?

Just one little problem. I’d rather he asked me before shoving it down my throat. Want me to do something extra??

Propose it, don’t impose it.?

Otherwise, I’ll treat you as an afterthought!

The “your prices are high”?

Or, maybe your budget is low.?

DON’T try to lowball me. Not like that. Explain that money’s tight. Not that my prices are high.?

I know they are high. I’m a premium writer.?

We can work something out, trust me. I’m extremely flexible. With honest and understanding people.

You wouldn’t go into a restaurant and argue with the waiter about the price of a stake, right??

So don’t pull that shit here, either.?

Umm, maybe something else??

“Let’s try something different. I don’t know what, I’ll just know when I see it”?

This is the last customer I waived goodbye. She wanted something, but she could not articulate what exactly. Had me on rewrites until she saw “a good version”. She trusted me, and then she didn’t. Give me a feckin direction, will ya??

She was looking for inspiration on my time. Ha, ha, nope.?

Look me up when you KNOW what you want. I’m always here to discuss your needs.?

But I don’t pull options out of my ass until something strikes your fancy!

Ah, is it already the 15th??

I thought it’s a cultural thing. It isn’t!

People are late with payments. But I draw lines in the sand.?

How’d you feel if I didn’t deliver on time??

Shitty, right? Then pay on time.?

And if you forget (we’re all human) at least have the decency to apologize!?

Or pay late fines.?

Recognize yourself in any of that??

Great, stop acting like a cvnt and you won’t be one!

And then reach out, and we’ll have a fab collab.?

So, doc, how did I do??

You guys, any other client form hell stories??

Shamila Iyer , I already know yours ??