I DON'T NEED YOUR RESPECT - I'm doing just fine without it.

You do not need people to respect you – you are ENOUGH. On your own. By your own damn self. Your respect for yourself matters more than anyone else’s.?

Read that again.

Now find out why.

I’ve come across many people who feel as though their “respect” for you is equivalent to a Nobel peace prize. As if it were a possession worth dimes. They tell you they now respect you, as if their respect has brought you up a level, well, to their level. I’m talking about the one’s who think respect is their gift to you and that you should be ever-so-grateful for it.

Like your self-worth and character as a human being is now cemented and therefore validated. Like my dignity was dependent on it. Like respect is a worldly acquisition or the equivalence of conquering Mount Everest.

I’ve been thinking about this quite a lot. This whole ‘respect’ thing. The earning and giving of it. I mean, what is respect, really?

There’s many definitions out there, so take your pick; remix it if you like –

a feeling of ‘strong admiration’ for someone or their abilities;

the way you treat or think about someone;

accepting someone for who they are and what they believe regardless of differences;

a positive feeling or action that’s shown to someone;

you get the point.

I used to find myself wondering:

Do I ‘need’ someone to respect me, and if so, why?

What does it do for me if someone tells me they “respect” me?

Does it validate my feelings of self-love and self-worth?

Do I need it to continue living?

Am I enough, without someone “giving” me their respect?

Does the person need to announce, that they now “respect” me (for whatever reason)?

Do I need to show gratitude to them once they have expressed their “respect” for me?

Is telling someone you now respect them, an underhanded way to keep them in awe?

The tone in which a person tells you they respect you is what sets your mood and reaction. I feel as if respect and a person’s inflated ego, go together.

Now just to clarify, not everyone who tells you they respect you mean it in an egotistical way. Some genuinely do, and want you to know that they will never harm you. That’s cool. But I’m not talking about them. I’m talking about the one’s who think respect is their gift to you and that you should be ever-so-grateful for it.

Often, it sounds so condescending to hear someone tell me that they now “respect” me. You can hear it in their tone – the authority, the desire for complete ownership of your emotions. The control. They want you to feel elated because they have given you something you think you actually need.

Let me tell you right now: you do not need someone’s respect to survive in this world, or to be happy.?

And the fact that someone feels the need to announce that they have now decided to give you respect, or that you earned their respect, is a testament to their character and qualities as a human being. There shouldn’t be a need to say it.

I sure as hell am not going to beg for it. I just don’t need it. Because, if I don’t receive your “respect”, it doesn’t, for a second, reduce me into ashes.

I mean, what do you want me to do now that I “have” or "earned" your “respect” ... ?

Throw a party?

Stop giving into this hype and desire. Stop bending over backwards for respect. Your self-worth and self-love should never be defined by someone else's respect for you. It does not define your dignity.

I used to think I needed to hear it: “I respect you”. Then I heard it.

And … well …

Not much changed for me. I instead started to think about how it didn’t even make me feel better. It didn’t do anything. The more I heard it, the more I got angry. It wasn't even a necessity anymore (and it never will be).

I am enough. I love myself enough to never have it compromised regardless of your decision to respect me or not.

Shalina Lodhia