I Don’t Look Like an Introvert, Should I be Offended?

Maybe it was the bright orange top. Or, maybe it was the fact that it was a noisy, social, networking event and I wasn’t cowering away in a corner. Whatever it was, whilst networking this week, I was told by a woman that I do not look like an introvert. This got me wondering, what on earth is an introvert supposed to look like anyway.

Turning to my trusted friend Google, I used the search term ‘introvert’ to see what images came up and whether any of them looked like me.

There was an image that was split into two and on one half someone was zonked out on their desk with a picture of a drained battery beside them. On the other half were two people sat at a desk having a drink with a picture of a fully charged battery next to them. There were images of people all on their own. There was a cartoon image of someone standing out in a crowd looking sad and miserable. Words such as social anxiety, shy, misunderstood and anti social on bright coloured backgrounds took pride of place at the top of the page.

There are many misconceptions about introverts, which arise from a lack of understanding as to what introversion is and what it isn’t. In this article, I highlight 5 common misconceptions that I regularly come across. Things that many people attribute to introverts but which could equally apply to extroverts as well.

Before I set out these 5 misconceptions, it might be worth sharing a bit of where the extrovert introvert thing originates from by going back to the daddy of it himself, Carl Gustav Jung, the founder of analytical psychology.

Jung categorised the way human beings act and react into two attitude types namely extroverts (the original spelling was extravert from the Latin meaning of extra, i.e. outwards and vertere meaning to turn) and introverts. Extroverts are more able to deal with objects that are external to the psyche. Introverts are more able to deal with the interior personalities of their psyche.

To cut a long story short, he also categorised people into the following 4 function types according to their preference of gathering information and making decisions:-

•       Sensation – likes things to be specific 
•       Intuition – acting on hunches
•       Thinking – what is fair and true 
•       Feeling – what it is worth for us 

Sensation and Intuition are concerned with gathering information and are (as he termed) irrational functions. Thinking and Feeling are concerned with making decisions and are rational functions.

The way in which we perceive information will determine our preference. People who are exposed to natural conditions, use their intuition a lot as do people who take risks in unknown fields. Intuition is a perception that goes by the unconscious. Each person has one of the 4 dominant functions.

Combing the two attitude types and the 4 functional types provides 8 psychological types. These psychological types have been further developed to form many psychologically based personality tests such as Myers Briggs.

Jung’s typology can be somewhat misguided as the traits introversion and extraversion sit on a continuum and people may fall into different points along the continuum. There may be certain factors that affect where an individual sits on the continuum according to the environment and what is going on for them at that moment in time. For example, although I am an introvert, there are situations and environments where I veer towards the extroverted side of the continuum.

Anyway, enough of the brief history/psychology lesson…. back to the 5 misconceptions: -

1.  All introverts are shy

Despite the first listing on Google defining introvert as meaning shy and reticent (not such a trusted friend after all!), not all introverts are shy.

Someone who is shy is said to be nervous or timid in the company of other people and someone who is reticent is said to not reveal their thoughts and feelings readily. Both could equally apply to extroverts.

Some introverts are very confident when they are in the company of other people, just as some extroverts are not.

2.  All introverts lack confidence

Because someone is an introvert, it doesn’t automatically mean that they lack confidence. Likewise, because someone is an extrovert, it doesn’t automatically mean that they are overly confident.

As an introvert, I am a confident person and I know many other introverts who are confident too. I also know extroverts who lack confidence. Confidence doesn’t mean you must be loud and talking all the time. To me confidence means being comfortable with who I am and having the courage to do all that I need to do.

Sometimes the way an extrovert’s lack of confidence shows up is that they go on overdrive with the talking, talking non stop. For some introverts, a lack of confidence causes them to withdraw into themselves.

3.  Introverts hate public speaking

I love public speaking. I can become quite animated when I am speaking on a topic that I am passionate about. It’s the same for many other introverts. Get them on that stage and they will certainly give you a great, engaging performance.

Yes, there are some introverts that hate public speaking, but you know what, there are extroverts who hate it too.

I often find that those who hate public speaking (both introverts and extroverts alike), dislike it because deep down they fear rejection, or that they will fail at it. They believe that they won’t be any good, or people won’t like what they have to say. Some think that they will get asked a question that they can’t answer, or they’ll make a complete fool of themselves.

I have noticed an increasing assumption that public speaking means you have to do it in a loud, run on to the stage, high five, Tony Robbins, turn to the person next to you style. This is totally opposite to how many introverts are. In fact, that style of public speaking makes many introverts cringe to watch (extroverts take note if you want to engage the introverts in the audience).

When introverts do public speaking in their own authentic way, they light up the stage.

4.  Introverts don’t like networking

Some introverts like networking, some introverts don’t. Just like some extroverts like it and some of them hate it. For both introverts and extroverts, if they are shy and lacking confidence, it might not be an enjoyable experience.

In my experience, the reason why the introverts who are not shy and who don’t lack confidence don’t like networking is because they don’t like making small talk. They don’t like flitting around a room like a social butterfly speaking to as many people as they possibly can, the way some networking events are set up.

We prefer to have more deep and meaningful conversations with a few people. Some of us also don’t like those noisy, large environments, where there is loud music on at the same time as you are trying to talk. Talking over the noise in a buzzing environment can be draining and zap the energy out of us.

5.  Introverts don’t open up about how they are feeling

There are many introverts AND extroverts who don’t open up about how they feel. Sometimes it’s a trust issue. Sometimes it’s because we’re private people. Given the right conditions, we introverts have been known to bare our souls.

To say that all introverts don’t open up and don’t show how they are feeling is a bit like saying that all men can’t multi task.

Introvert or extrovert, we are all created equal. It’s just that in a quest for power, some of us have marginalised others along the way. In the case of introverts and extroverts in the corporate world, it is often those who shout loudest who get heard.  Sometimes even when this is not the best or the right thing to do.

So back to the comment that I don’t look like an introvert... no I am not offended, but if any of you know what an introvert is meant to look like, please let me know by commenting below.

ABOUT ME:

I am The Coach for High Achieving Introverted Women, an Executive, Career, Business Coach, Writer, Speaker, UK top 50 Business Adviser and the founder of Abounding Solutions . With over 25 years coaching and leadership experience, I help women (with a particular emphasis on introverted women) to be authentic, bold, confident leaders and excel in their careers and businesses.

I also help organisations develop the talent pipeline of female employees so that more women make it to senior management roles.

I write here on LinkedIn, on my website and on Huffington Post on subjects to help women achieve optimal potential in their careers and businesses.

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