A few weeks back I saw a brother / sister duo perform an original song on AGT called, “People Don’t Talk About.”
Two years ago their mom passed away from suicide. They decided to write this song to encourage people to talk more about the negative internal dialogues we all have, with the hopes that it can prevent another person from taking their life.
It got me thinking about the things I don’t like to talk about, or have never talked about. And I decided to share them here. Why here, on LinkedIn? Because the things we don’t talk about, impact us at work. We like to believe they don’t, but they do.?
Some of the items on this list are funny, some are quite serious. Some I have never shared with another human being, ever. Not even my wife.
Do me a favor, after reading this - pick one thing you don’t like to talk about, and talk about it with one person. Can’t think of anyone you are confident won’t judge you? Call me. After reading this list, you will see I am in no place to make a judgment.
I don’t like to talk about…
- Being afraid of the dark.
- Why I don’t like holding lizards, frogs, or snakes.
- My crooked nose.
- How my voice sounds.
- My own cleft lip and palate with children who also have a cleft lip and/or palate.
- How the people who have hurt me the most, are the people who love me the most. I want to find some closure, but I don’t know how to do that without making them feel bad. So I keep it all inside. It sucks.
- On paper, my resume looks like I can’t hold a steady job. In reality, after some work related trauma with a large international brand, I chose to work at start ups and smaller companies. All of them sold and cut back labor, went under, or downsized. But how do you put those stories on paper? Do I look unreliable, weak, and unwanted?
- When, after applying for hundreds of jobs, getting many interviews and just as many denials, a resounding theme at one of Utah’s largest business events, was hire more women and people of color. I felt completely discouraged, depressed, and hopeless. I agreed with the principle of the messages. But so many people said it, so many different times, that I gave up believing my experience had merit any more. I left that conference feeling worthless. It’s been quite a few years now. Those feelings are deeply seeded and rooted.
- The bridges I may have burned trying and failing. Have these people given up on me? Do I come across as a waste of time in their mind? Do they think I am a loser? Those thoughts wander around my brain all the time when I see their names pop up in my LinkedIn feed.?
- That there are two dominate ways I would end my life with suicide if I ever got to that point: stage a car accident or death by cop. I have never gotten past ideation. But these are the ideas that resurface the most when my mind goes there.?
Here are three reasons why we should all embrace the uncomfortable feeling of talking about things we don’t like to talk about.
- Build our mental health muscles. None of us are 100%, 100% of the time. Shoot, we are actually doing good if our mental health is at 50%. When we talk it out, we take away the power from voices that want to take us down.
- Develop empathy for others. When we talk it out, we stay humble. We see our own imperfections. We stay grounded in reality. That grounding keeps us appreciating the strength others have to conquer their own battles.
- Improve our emotional intelligence. As we dive into the why’s behind our own fears, trauma, hold ups etc - the process teaches us how to think that way for others. Instead of rushing into decisions that impact others, we will have developed the awareness to consider how our choice will: a)? impact the workplace environment and culture, b) improve or decrease motivation, and c) contribute to or take away from community building.
At the beginning of this article I encouraged you to identify one thing you don’t like to talk about, and find someone to talk about it with. Take that challenge seriously. I promise if you do, you will find yourself more empowered by the process.?
Looking for a community of people to share this journey with? Here are some people, organizations, and events you can connect with to tackle mental health.
Empower Leaders | Turn Managers Into Leaders | Improve Performance | Improve Mental Wellness In the Workplace | (Not a coach)
4 个月James Keddington ??we just watched that episode a couple nights ago...what a great song and message. Your article is great, too! When you open up, it empowers others to do the same, thank you! Also, sorry for the late reply...I was trying read your article in the dentist chair yesterday and couldn't respond, haha! Thanks for the work you do!
A Wiser Approach to Healthy Living
4 个月James, thank you for sharing this... POWERFUL. Thank you for willing to be vulnerable - that's huge. This is such an important subject and something so many deal with. Thank you again for your willingness to share. I also saw the AGT performance - raw and beautiful.
Trauma-Informed Care Consultant | Coach | Emotional Wellness and Behavioral Expert | Speaker Honored Listee
4 个月Thank you for sharing this James! Your vulnerability continues to inspire me and keep me motivated to make a difference everyday for others! Oh and I don’t like talking about my caregiving experience, in fear of being judged about my true feelings. It was literally the most challenging experience I have had yet. I’m still recovering….
Suicide Prevention Advocate | Mental Health | Lived/Living Experience | Community | L & D | Trainer | Facilitator | Programs Management | Advocate | Speaker | Researcher | Evaluator
4 个月Thanks for sharing this. I don't normally like country music, but the passion and the meaning behind this song is truly poignant, and yet so beautiful and powerful ?? P.S. - I don't like talking about conflict.