I don`t know I just know

Why on earth did I decide to not eat for twenty-one days? Fasting is something most religions practice. In the past, I have fasted for three days, seven days, and my longest fast was for ten days. But 21 days? I don`t know?

I had this yearning in me for longer than I can remember to do a twenty-one-day water fast. Normally, I fast to satisfy my insatiable hunger for the Holy Spirit.

But when I finally decided to commit to the twenty-one-day fast, it was a mixed bag of reasons. The first and biggest reason was to hear from God. There is something about hearing the still small voice of God that cannot be described. Once you’ve heard His voice, you start living for that reason only. God speaks to us in many ways, but when you hear Him speak in your heart, it is the source of life. When you hear God`s soft whispers you come alive.

The second reason why I decided to commit to the fast was for me to get traction in my newest venture as a Christian Coach. The idea was that I would do a daily live video on my experiences while fasting and in that way deliver quality content that will impress LinkedIn algorithms. While conveying a message to my audience that testifies to the fact that I am committed, have grit, and have what it takes to accomplish what I set out to do for them.

After recording day two of the fast, I suddenly realized that what I was doing was to profound, it became such a deeply personal experience that I no longer wanted to use it to gain traction in my coaching business.

Trying to describe what happens in a man's soul during an extended fast is challenging; the inner conflict between your body, soul, and spirit is relentless.

In the first one to three days, there's a kind of excitement, perhaps even an anticipation of losing a little weight. Then come the voices, the voice of the whispering enemy - total waste of time, you may as well stop. My own voice telling me that what I am doing is wrong, I cannot impress God or twist His arm - total waste of time, you may as well stop.?

But then there is this knowing, not knowing what and how but just knowing, it is in the Spirit, I couldn’t say I heard Him, most of the time I couldn’t really feel His presence, at times the silence caused a despair of epic proportions.?

Try to imagine you are in the middle of the ocean on a very small sailboat. There is no wind, not even a breeze. It is so quiet there isn’t even the sound of the water against the hull of the small boat. Quiet day in and day out. The only thing you can hear is your breathing, and sometimes, yes, even the pulse of your own blood flowing, ringing in your ears. Yet, you know, you just know, you are not alone.

When I tried to reason out what is happening in my being, there was just no use to it. It is something you cannot put any logic or reason on - it is simply God, transcending human understanding yet feeling completely natural and life-affirming.

Let's put this into context. Imagine going without food for twenty-one days, driven entirely by your own will and that voluntarily. That’s three weeks - three Mondays into the future… Waking up each morning, facing the usual challenges at home and work, the never-ending responsibilities, but without food.

That’s mowing the lawn three Saturdays, taking a lunch break but without food. It’s coming home three Fridays, excited for the weekend, only to realize there won't be any special Sunday lunch with your favorite dessert.

Why am I doing this? I don’t know, I just know.

Life, in its entirety, is lived from moment to moment, choice to choice. Each decision, made in split seconds, profoundly impacts our lives. “I call heaven and earth as witness against you I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life…” The choice is always yours.

God gave you the freedom to choose your path, making you the captain of your own ship. However, choices are fragile, susceptible to changing?circumstances and emotions.

Seven, eight, nine days pass without food, with only water and coffee for sustenance. Still, only silence, no divine word, no miracles, no celestial music in my heart.

Why did I decide to commit to such a long fast?

I don’t know, I just know, and that’s all I need to know.

Why fast? It was a decision, my own, no one forced me, especaily not God. Yet, I knew from past experiences that it would once again transform my life. To decide is to make a pact with oneself. Once decided, there's no turning back, no room for excuses or surrender to the undermining whispers of the enemy.

Days thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, and beyond, still nothing noteworthy to report. No clear directives from God, the hunger seemed to have dissipated. I feel great, energized, even relaxed, but stil haunted by the question: why inflict this upon myself? Why sit at the dinner table, serving food I prepared, without even a taste?

Day nineteen, twenty, day twenty-one! Still no divine message, no palpable miracles or breakthroughs.

Finally, I can eat. It’s Sunday, the fast is broken with small, cautious bites. Overeating too quickly can be dangerous. Why did I fast? Why did I choose to abstain from food for three long weeks? Then! Suddenly, it all became clear.

“EXPAND” – a single word rise in my spirit, clear as the break of dawn. Expand - that is it, just expand… simple

And once again I know that I know: one does not live on bread and water alone, but from every word that comes from the heart of God