I Don't Know how to...Stop getting banned from things!!

Here is a little storytime for you all, I woke up this morning, like I do every morning and whilst trying to ensure my eyes stay open long enough to navigate my way to getting a coffee from the kitchen, I put the TV on and up pops "Good Morning Britain" with Susanna Reid and Richard Madeley.

I continue navigating my daily routine of washing and getting dressed, whilst trying to inject the caffeine into my veins (not literally!) and struggling to muster up the energy to ensure my children are washed, dressed and fed before shipping them off to school for the day....oh and not to forget actually getting myself ready and signing in for a full day of work.....It is a very relatable routine I am sure the majority of working parents have every single morning...

This morning, Tuesday 30th April 2024, the background noise of "GMB" was garnering more attention than I would usually give it. In between the fluffy segments of Richard Arnold telling us rumours of the next Strictly contestant and Andi Peters trying to persuade me to "Text to Win" ￡100,000, there was a chat with Labour Leader Sir Keir Starmer and the focus was centred around.....

"Banning Trans Women from Single Sex Spaces on NHS Wards"

Great! Another morning of waking up, a 30 something Transgender Woman, and hearing about a NEW thing that I am now banned from.......all before I have even finished my first cup of coffee!

I gave my attention to the "talk" where Susanna Reid, who I personally respect as a newscaster, drilled Kier for his quote stating that "Not all women have cervixes" (I am of course paraphrasing) which highlighted to me that Sex and Gender is once again being confused/ignored on the type of conversation occuring. Keir Starmer, remembering his current position and possible future as PM, remained very much on the fence, if slightly falling either side, and if I am being honest here, that is what I expect.....He isn't a transgender woman, his answer should come from a place of trying to understand and learn......but asking that from politicians is difficult in a 5 minute segment where a definitive answer is almost expected, just so they can refer to a YES/NO Twitter poll!

Here is my quick take on the NHS single sex ward issue, as someone who hasn't been in hospital much, thank god, but my recent "Appendix surgery" I was assigned a single room, there was no discussion, no uproar and no choice really, I was simply placed there and went about getting my "appendix" removed. For me, a single room was great for me, but I am aware that single rooms are not exactly available for everyone and also we could see how it might look like hiding the "Trans" person away.....I personally didn't feel that way, but maybe my resilience or outlook is more focused on my own health and making sure I am ok. Am I taking this room away from anyone else? I don't know, like I said I didn't have a choice.

Getting banned from so many things seems to be a regular occurrence for me, and every other trans woman in the world, and the funny thing is, I have no say in it whatsoever! Growing up, I feared being "banned" from anything, as the term had ultra negative connotations to me.

Banning refers to the act of prohibiting, excluding, or formally forbidding someone or something from participating in or accessing certain activities, places, privileges, or rights. It can be imposed by individuals, organizations, governments, or authorities, often as a punitive measure or as a means of enforcing rules, regulations, or societal norms. Banning can take various forms, including legal prohibitions, social sanctions, restrictions on access, or removal from a particular space or activity. It may target individuals, groups, behaviors, content, products, or ideas deemed unacceptable or harmful according to specific criteria or standards.

Reading the above, the term "Ban" sounds horrendous right?! I mean let me explain that my understanding of the world and how we can best support one another with respect and dignity comes from a place of empathy, listening and learning. The idea that "banning" people, a blanket ban at that, just creates such a "excluded mindset" and even "segregation"!

Since starting my transition in 2021, I have been banned or specifically been stopped from the following

• Playing in Women's Elite Sports! - Ok, for me this is very much a non issue as my actual level of athleticism is way below par and my actual participation within womens sports would bear no impact or effect on the end results. Just to note, I was terrible at sports when living as a guy too!
• Playing Women's Chess! - There goes my goal in life! The idea of transitioning hinged on being able to sit opposite other women, play chess and use my biologically advanced brain to ease to victory!!........I am obviously joking here, the idea of this makes no sense to me! But either way, I am banned from that.
• Entering Single Sex Spaces (ie Women's Toilets) - Although this one isn't so much a ban, it's a major talking point from various outlets. The push to prevent Trans Women entering women's toilets or changing rooms is hotter than ever. I will not sit here and throw fire on the already burning topic, as I am a firm believer of taking into consideration of everyone's needs and experiences when it comes to sharing a single sex space with a trans woman. The safety of biological women and women in general doesn't need to be a diminished into a topic about exclusion and more of a discussion around inclusion. It is ok to not have all the answers, but it's important to ask the right questions.

The list is pretty exhausting and without going into topics like "travel" and "Recognition certificates" it goes without saying that Trans people (That includes transgender, non binary and non conforming people remember) get a lot more "bans" imposed on them at the moment.

You might start thinking that we are some sort of ban magnet, but let me set the record straight: I understand the importance of protecting women's rights. I get it, I really do. But here's the thing: sex and gender are not always as clear-cut as society would like to believe. And while we navigate the murky waters of identity and inclusion, let's not forget to extend a hand of empathy, understanding and open mindedness.

I urge you to read back through my articles (blogs!) on my Trans journey and own lived experience, as you will see how my approach allows for acceptance, support, questions, open mindedness and empathy. I am not someone who points the finger or attacks beliefs of others, I will question them of course, but with respect and dignity. Is it easy to do? Nope! but it's the only way I know how!

Anyway, back to living my life as a rebel who get's banned from things without any involvement.......

#IDontKnowHowToBeTrans #TransVoices #GMB #NHSwards #TransBan #Empathy #Respect #Listen #Transgenderintheworkplace #LGBTQ