"I don't feel worthy of getting the job that I want."?-?Amy's?story

I’ve waited 10 years to give her this response.

Just before my sister Amy passed away by suicide, she and I took a walk to talk about life, her struggles, and what her future looked like. She had recently quit her job where she had worked for decades in pursuit of a better opportunity. She opened up about many things and at the time, I wasn’t much more than a listening ear for her. I didn’t have the right things to say and regret it to this day.

One statement she made stuck with me almost more than anything else.

As we walked, she expressed…

“Mike, I don’t feel worthy of getting the job that I?want.”

While I didn’t know what to say to her at the time, a decade has passed since losing her. Over the years, I’ve thought about how I might respond, mentored many people, and watched as an eerily similar trend of feeling unworthy emerged amongst my colleagues. It pains me to see my friends and coworkers express similar feelings as those shared by my sweet sister.

I think I’m ready now to give my response. Hopefully what I say can help someone else now that Amy is gone.

Yes, You Are?Worthy

You dedicate so much of your life to your work. We often tie our self-worth to our achievements, careers, or roles we play in life. True worth comes from who we are, not what we do. Your worth, dear friend, isn’t tied to your job or any position you hold. Your worth is inherent. Your worth is the kindness, empathy, smile, laughter, and ability to make others feel valued— these qualities make you invaluable.

Many of us fall into the trap of believing we must be perfect to be worthy. We think we need to have it all together, be flawless in our work, spotless in complexion, impenetrable in our character, and never make mistakes. But perfection is an illusion. Your imperfections, quirks, vulnerabilities, and struggles make you human and connect you to others.

You have dreams and you deserve to pursue them without the weight of self-doubt. And social media sure doesn’t help. It’s easy to see everyone’s best moments and feel we don’t measure up. Remember though, we’re usually comparing our behind-the-scenes with their highlight reel. Be careful not to get caught up in comparison.

It’s easy to feel you’re not good enough, especially when stepping into new and uncertain territories. But taking risks is precisely where you’ll find growth and fulfillment. Your dreams are valid, and you are more than capable of achieving them.

We don’t have to navigate our struggles alone. It’s okay to reach out for help, to lean on friends, family, or professionals who can offer support. I regret not having the right words for Amy then, but I hope others who hear this message understand that seeking support is a sign of strength.

Your struggles and your feelings of unworthiness are part of your journey, and while I wish you wouldn’t have to experience this pain, I also know it’s shaping the person you are. Your story can be a source of strength for those who feel lost or unworthy.

I want to remind anyone reading that life is precious and fleeting. It’s important to cherish every moment and to find joy in the little things. Too often, we get so caught up in our worries and insecurities that we forget to appreciate the beauty around us. Your presence is a gift and your spirit uplifts the hearts of those who love you.

You are worthy.

Your dreams matter.

Your struggles do not define you.

They can however shape you into a stronger, more compassionate person.

The 5 Immutable Laws of Worthiness

Now, imagine I am sitting across from you, looking you directly in the eyes. I see your struggles, pain, and doubts, and I want you to hear me, to really hear me, because what I say next is for you. I can’t say these to Amy anymore, she’s not here.

But I can share them with you now.

These are what I call my 5 Immutable Laws of Worthiness. These laws remind you of the truth that sometimes feels distant but is always within you. They are unchanging and constant, regardless of circumstances or time. These laws remain steadfast and true, no matter what challenges or self-doubts one may face.

1. Your existence is a miracle

Listen to me. You are enough. Not when you get that job, not when you achieve that milestone, but right now. Your worth doesn’t increase with your accomplishments or decrease with your mistakes. Your essence, your being, your very existence is enough.

2. Your value isn’t earned, it’s inherent

Understand this deeply: your value isn’t something you need to prove or earn. It’s inherent. From the moment you were born, you were valuable. Your unique perspective, emotions, and experiences — all these contribute to the irreplaceable person you are. No job, title, or achievement can add to or take away from that intrinsic value.

3. Your imperfections make you real

Your imperfections make you real, relatable, and wonderfully human. They are part of your story and your strength. They make you uniquely you, and connect you to others in the most profound ways. Whatever has happened in your past does not determine your future. You are constantly growing, learning, and evolving. Your worth is not tied to past mistakes, experiences, or regrets.

4. Your dreams are valid

Do not let anyone, including yourself, diminish your dreams. They are a reflection of your deepest desires and potential. You have every right to pursue them, no matter how big or small they seem. Believe in your dreams because your dream could be the thing to change your life and the lives of others.

5. Your strength lies in action

Believe in your abilities. You have the skills, the passion, and the drive to achieve your dreams. Do not let self-doubt hold you back. Trust in your capacity to succeed and take that leap of faith. Take bold, decisive actions to realize your dreams. Start small if you have to, but start. Courage is action’s trusty sidekick. Failure might come, but you are resilient and capable of overcoming any obstacle. Pursue your next steps with relentless determination.

Life can be incredibly challenging, and feelings of unworthiness can be overwhelming. Amy’s story reminds us how important it is to recognize and hold onto our worth. While I can no longer share these thoughts with her, I hope they resonate with you.

You are enough, just as you are. Your worth isn’t tied to your job, achievements, or any external validation. It’s rooted in your very existence and the unique qualities that make you, you.

So again, dear reader, yes you are worthy.

You are worthy to get the job and career you want.

You are worthy to be happy.

You are worthy to exist.

Finally, you can likely tell from my jumbled advice that I am not a therapist or a professional in this subject. If you’re struggling with similar thoughts and feelings, please talk to someone. We all need help sometimes. Seeking it shows strength and courage and that you understand the value of healing and the power of vulnerability. Surround yourself with people who lift you up, who remind you of your worth, and stand by you through anything.

Dedicated to the life and memory of my dear sister Amy, 1972–2014. ??

Thanks for reading!

Originally published on Medium by Mike Curtis.

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