I DON’T ENJOY SEX

Hi Doc. I went through FGM, Female Genital Mutilation. It has affected my marriage because my husband keeps on cheating and he has never been interested in me sexually. I have three kids under the age of 6 - please advise me. I am desperate. My clitoris was cut and so I have no sexual feelings during sex, but when we do have sex, I try as much as possible to please him.

MY REPLY

First, your husband has no justification for cheating on you. You must respect yourself enough to demand a higher standard from your husband. You must demand an end to extra marital affairs with immediate effect or you dissolve your marriage. You’re far better alone than with a man who does not respect your marriage. Faithfulness in marriage is a non-negotiable issue.

Clearly your husband is not remorseful. He despises you so much that he doesn’t hide his dirty lifestyle. If he continues with this behavior, your self-confidence will be destroyed completely. And you will never be a productive human being. If you are robbed your humanity, you’ll be a shell of your true self. You must guard your self-worth with your life.

Though I recommend you visit a gynecologist to diagnose why you’re not enjoying sexual intimacy, please note that women experience both clitoral and virginal orgasm during intimacy. While clitoral sensation may have been compromised by FGM, you should be able to enjoy intimacy with a caring husband. Whereas we condemn the practice of FGM, you cannot afford to live in your past.

I want to believe your husband knew that you had gone through FGM before he married you. In marriage, we must accept both assets and liabilities that our partners bring along for we chose them consciously.

DR. K. N. JACOB.