I DON'T DRINK COFFEE.

“Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his coffee before it was cool." – Barista Life

?I don’t drink coffee. I never really have. I CAN drink it, I just don’t like it. This is like the seafood/fish question when I say this out loud to people. “You don’t eat seafood or fish?!! Have you tried [insert your personal seafood or fish favorite here]? You’re probably just haven’t had it prepared correctly.” ?“Gee, I never thought of trying it. What a great idea!” Picture the extreme look of east coast sarcasm etched indelibly across my already sour mug from this conversation. Add the rolling eyes of a teen age girl engaging with her parents about the negative effects of social media and technology, especially TicTok, and how it ruins your brain cells by the minute. And my wife is a personal chef who can cook anything and make it awesome. Trust me, I’ve tried it and it never gets any better for me. My dad used to take me and a few of my friends on this annual trip to Algonquin Provincial Park in Canada. We would canoe and portage for days to get into the middle of nowhere and fish and live off the land. As a kid who grew up in the Boy Scouts, this was a blast, practicing my wildness survival skills, creating lean-to’s and building an experiential remote camp with a full kitchen out of logs, moss, sticks and stones that a Bear Grylls meets Bobby Flay clone would come up with and be quite proud of. If you’re up for such an adventure, here are the approximate GPS coordinates if you’re interested: 45.70503° N, 78.59129° W. ?Did I mention the part where we didn’t really bring much other food with the expectation that we’d eat everything we caught and survive off the land? (You can only eat so many wild blueberries and evergreen shoots for a week as a growing young man!)

The best part about this trip, aside from the ability to survive and build cool stuff out of logs was on the way up we would stop at this Canadian truck stop/diner – Weber’s – that served these amazing hamburgers and French fries with gravy on them. Man, my mouth is watering just thinking about that food. Maybe it was because it was our last meal before we went off into the wild blue yonder to eat fish and drink lake water. If you’re ever that direction, you definitely want to try this place out. Here are the GPS coordinates: 44.69400° N, 79.39889° W. Speaking of drinking lake water, giardia[1] is a thing, you know. I think maybe it didn’t exists way back then because we never got sick. Maybe it a tech thing so people can sell you the wilderness water filters. Whatever. But, of course I digress…. This is not about fish or seafood and any crustaceans for that matter. (Think Sebastian the crab from Disney’s The Little Mermaid animated movie dipped in a steaming hot pot of boiling water. You know I’ve worked with Jody Benson, the voice of the Little Mermaid. She’s awesome! But I digress again…)

?“I have measured out my life with coffee spoons." - T.S. Eliot

?This is about coffee. Yuk. “Wait, have you tried the …” Oh please! Now let me clarify, I LOVE the smell of coffee. My dad brewed a pot of coffee every morning. My grandparents always had coffee brewing (along with fresh loaves of Mancini Italian bread and chipped chopped Ham from Islay’s in Coraopolis, PA every day! Those hills and cobblestone streets were brutal. But fun playing frisbee and skiing with my grandfather in the cemetery! Here are the GPS coordinates if you have a hankering for great Italian fresh-baked bread: 40.47140° N, 80.07098° W. But here I am digressing from digressing…)

?“A morning without coffee is like sleep.” - Unknown

?I love coffee ice cream, and the stuff some of you think is coffee from Starbucks or those phoofey coffee shops these days. Sidebar[2] here: Starbuck’s doesn’t sell coffee. Starbucks sells hot or cold milkshakes or candy bars in a cup with LOTS of dairy and LOTS of sugar. THAT is NOT coffee. ?Coffee is that dark brown sludgy stuff that comes in a tiny diner mug that tastes much like liquid dirt. It cost a quarter per cup, that's at the expensive places. At Weber's, I think it was still a dime. I know because I tried it once when my dad and I were on another fishing trip, fly fishing to be exact in upstate New York in the Adirondacks. (Here are the GPS coordinates for you: 43.85260° N, 74.59140° W).?We were cold from fishing and we stopped at a diner (because that’s where all the good stuff comes from in my childhood days!). Dad ordered two coffees to go. When we got in the car, I tried to open mine and it spilled all over my lap. Hot coffee surprise! Being the good kid that I was, I had my seat belt on which only served to make it more difficult for my dad to help me get out of the spilled hot coffee situation at hand. Needless to say, coffee has never really been my friend.

?“Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break." – Earl Wilson

?On another occasion in my twenties, as I was the major media contractor with ARA Services (now ARAMark) in Philadelphia, we were shooting a bunch of segments in Chicago. One of the segments was with the people at that time who created most all of the coffee blends for almost anyone you can think of (Dunkin Donuts, etc, etc.). They had this amazing setup where the beans were mixed and ground together, then put into little white ceramic cups on an rotating table. Steaming water was added to each cup as the beans were allowed to brew. The “tasters” would come up and quickly slurp from each cup, not actually drinking or ingesting the coffee, just allowing it to get to their pallet at the back of their tongue. It would slosh around for a bit, and then they would spit it out into a fancy brass spittoon right there between their legs and they’d rotate the table to move to try the next blend. ?There’s nothing sexy about it. Slurp and spit, slurp and spit. But I will say, the aroma in this place was incredible! Wow! Coffee, coffee, coffee! So there came this one point while we were shooting and the taster person was making this raspberry blend of coffee, and I gotta say, it smelled amazing. You could picture the taste it was so amazing! I must have said something out loud so the taster person said, “Here, let me pour you a cup.” “No thanks, really, thank you,” I said, trying to get back to work.

?“A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.” - Alfred Renyi

?“No, here.” And there was a cup of coffee in my hand. This happened to me with cigars once too. I was at Super Bowl 50 in San Francisco, and on Thursday night of media week was the "Cigars with the Stars" fundraising event hosted by Mike Ditka and Ron Jaworski (Jaws). Well, we arrive and there is a line literally around the block of people wanting to get into this event. I'm ready to just leave when one of the bouncers yells to me, "Sir... Sir, this way." I look around to see who he is talking to because I am most certainly NOT football size, so I assume he is yelling to someone near me. "No, YOU Sir, please come in," the bouncer points to me and my crew. We walk up to the entryway and the bouncer, proudly hands me a bag, "We're so glad to have you here. Here is your gift bag. Mr. Jaworski will be glad to see you," and he ushers us into the event in front of the block-long line of other people waiting. Now let me tell you, this event is all about drinking Scotch and smoking cigars. I have to be honest here; I don't really do either. So we walk in, and Jaws sees me and yells, "Nick... Hey Nick... over here." I, again, am looking around to see who "Nick" is and wondering whose dad named a kid while shaving. Mr. Jaworski, happily filled with scotch I might add, comes over and gives me a big hug and we start talking. I still don't know who Nick is. As the conversation continues, Jaws starts to introduce me to others, proud that "Nick" made it to this special party. At this point, it would be good for you to know that apparently at that time I looked exactly like Nick Buoniconti, the famous tackle of the unbeaten 1972 Miami Dolphins Team. FYI - Nick was considered too small to play football out of Notre Dame for the NFL. Drafted in the 13th round by the Boston Patriots in 1962, and switched to linebacker, Nick made an immediate impact, and was named the team's rookie of the year. In 1969, he went to play for the Dolphins. (I finally told Jaws that I was not Nick, and we all had a good laugh about it, and even to this day, when I see Mr. Jaworski at any of the Super Bowl events, we have a laugh about it again. [BTW-This year will mark my 19th Super Bowl Coverage.]) And it helps for getting me into places. All I need is a Miami Dolphins Super Bowl Ring!

So that's how I got in. I know nothing about cigars and this place was filled with famous cigars folks handing out cigars and those little blow torches. As a media guy, I can't help myself when there's a story to be told, so into learning mode I went. I approached one of the vendors and asked how to determine a good cigar. This guy starts yarning on about tobacco and rolling and drying and before you know it, he has this really famous cigar in his hand and is snipping the end off, lights it up and pops it in my mouth before I can even react. I start hacking up a lung (I am a non-smoker remember). But I quickly learn that if I keep this cigar in my mouth all night, I won't need to be bothered again. Although when I got home, I decided to throw out all of those clothes - Uck! But again, I digress.

Back to coffee in Chi-town: Not to be rude, I took the cup, all the while being watched by the taster for my reaction to this incredible blend that would no doubt end up somewhere on the shelves of your local grocery store within the next few months. I politely sipped the freshly brewed raspberry blended coffee, and just as quickly spit it out, with this look of “I just ate a lemon” on my face. The taster was truly concerned, like something was wrong. “Arrrgh,” I moaned. “It’s coffee – yuk!” I may have offended the top coffee taster in the world at that moment. Granted, there was this subtle hint of raspberry amidst the sludgy, dirt-water taste of coffee. I guess maybe that’s what makes it so good. Ugh! ??

?“I was taken by the power that savoring a simple cup of coffee can have to connect people and create community." - Howard Schultz

For you coffee snobs, this is the public service part of my article, just for you, so you can feel like you got something valuable out of this read. My friend Chatty (ChatGPT) has this to say about the pros and cons of coffee:

Coffee is one of the most popular beverages in the world, enjoyed for its rich flavor and caffeine boost. Below are the pros and cons of drinking coffee:

"Coffee, the favorite drink of the civilized world." - Thomas Jefferson

Pros of Drinking Coffee

Health Benefits

1. Boosts Energy and Focus Caffeine improves alertness, concentration, and reaction time by stimulating the central nervous system.
2. Rich in Antioxidants Coffee contains antioxidants (like polyphenols) that combat free radicals, potentially reducing inflammation and supporting overall health.
3. May Reduce Risk of Certain Diseases Studies suggest coffee may lower the risk of: Type 2 Diabetes Parkinson’s Disease Alzheimer’s Disease Certain Cancers (e.g., liver and colorectal).
4. Supports Liver Health Moderate coffee consumption has been linked to reduced risks of liver disease, including cirrhosis and fatty liver.
5. Enhances Physical Performance Caffeine increases adrenaline levels, which can improve physical endurance and strength.

Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after." - Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Mental Health and Mood

1. May Lower Depression Risk Moderate coffee drinkers have shown a reduced likelihood of depression in some studies.
2. Social Connection Coffee culture encourages social interactions, fostering relationships.

"As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?" - Cassandra Clare

Convenience and Enjoyment

1. Customizable Coffee is versatile, available in countless flavors, styles, and preparations.
2. Appetite Control Caffeine may slightly suppress appetite, potentially aiding weight management.

"Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self." - Terry Pratchett

Cons of Drinking Coffee

Health Risks

1. Sleep Disruption Coffee can cause insomnia or poor-quality sleep, especially if consumed late in the day.
2. Dependence and Withdrawal Regular consumption can lead to caffeine dependence, with withdrawal symptoms like headaches, fatigue, and irritability.
3. Increased Anxiety and Heart Rate High caffeine intake can trigger jitters, anxiety, and palpitations in sensitive individuals.
4. Digestive Issues Coffee can irritate the stomach, causing acid reflux, heartburn, or an upset stomach.
5. Bone Health Excessive coffee consumption may interfere with calcium absorption, potentially affecting bone density.

"Coffee is a liquid hug for your brain." - Unknown

Nutritional Considerations

1. Added Calories Specialty coffee drinks (e.g., lattes, flavored syrups, whipped cream) can be high in sugar and calories, leading to weight gain.
2. Dehydration While coffee is not as dehydrating as once believed, excessive consumption may have mild diuretic effects.

Long-Term Impacts

1. Potential Blood Pressure Spike Caffeine can temporarily increase blood pressure, which may be a concern for individuals with hypertension.
2. Overstimulation Excessive intake can overwhelm the nervous system, leading to fatigue after the initial stimulant effect wears off ("caffeine crash").

“Good friends and great coffee make the perfect blend.” ?- Unknown

Is Coffee Right for You?

The effects of coffee vary depending on individual tolerance, metabolism, and health conditions. Here are some key guidelines:

• Moderation is Key: Experts suggest 3–5 cups (about 400mg of caffeine) per day as safe for most people.
• Listen to Your Body: If coffee causes jitters, sleep issues, or digestive discomfort, adjust your intake.
• Healthy Add-Ins: Opt for unsweetened milk alternatives or spices (like cinnamon) instead of sugar or syrups.

?"I'd rather take coffee than compliments just now." - Louisa May Alcott

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Did I mention that I LOVE coffee ice cream. Seriously. It’s my favorite. (Well, maybe a close second behind Rum-Raisin. That’s a whole other article in itself!) And I don’t mind chewing on those chocolate-covered coffee bean things. They’re awesome! Many people enjoy coffee for the caffeine boost. Caffeine doesn’t affect me. I could drink a Mountain Dew and then go to bed and sleep like a baby. But I did have this weird experience once in Seattle. I was visiting some friends with a new LED Volume Studio, and of course, part of the Seattle experience is, of course, coffee. So their studio had their own coffee shop right there. My friend asks me if I would like anything – he would make it for me. Being polite (Ugh, I gotta stop being polite!), I just said, “Yea sure, whatever you’re having.” He rattled off some fancy named thing not unlike the crazy people at Starbuck’s when you hear that person in front of you say something like “I’ll have a quad long shot grande in a venti cup, half calf double cupped no sleeve, salted caramel, mocha latte with 2 pumps of vanilla substitute, 2 pumps of white chocolate mocha for mocha, and substitute 2 pumps of hazelnut for toffee nut half whole milk, and half breve with no whipped cream extra hot extra foam extra caramel drizzle, extra salt, add a scoop of vanilla bean powder with light ice well stirred.... oh by the way, I have a free reward.”

?"Coffee smells like freshly ground heaven." - Jessi Lane Adams

?If I was that barista, “Next!” Anyway, my friend makes me this drink and, I gotta tell you, it was delicious! It was a candy bar in a cup… a BIG cup of warm coffee ice cream hugs. I downed this thing like nothing and we moved on with our work and tour. This was about 11am. Well, before I left, he asked if I wanted another coffee to go. Sure! Why not! Being polite and all. (I really gotta stop being polite.) So he makes me another one of these things and I head out. That evening, I feel great, not real sleepy at all. But man, for some reason, I just did not sleep like my usual self. I called my wife in the morning to catch up and tell her about my lack-of-sleepness, and she asks me about what I ate and as the keeper of my health, all that stuff. “Nothing unusual,” I say blindly. And then I remember the two cups of coffee and I explain that to her. Apparently, this coffee thing I had that was soooooo delicious (BTW – thx Dan! It WAS really delicious!) is normally juiced with a couple of shots of expresso, and since this was the BIG one, it was double the double expresso’s, times two, because I had another for the road. I was enlightened as to the intake amount of pure eight shots of espresso caffeine I drank in my hot coffee ice cream surprise, and this was probably the reason I couldn’t sleep. So maybe, just maybe, caffeine, when injected directly into one’s system at those levels of near-death experiences, might keep me awake. (I’ll keep that in mind if I’m ever driving and feeling drowsy!)

?Love to hear your thoughts on coffee! Espresso yourself!

?FINAL NOTES: My wife LOVES coffee. I think she’s addicted. (Oops, was that my outside voice?!) But I think that’s okay. I love her, and I love that she loves coffee. There are enough good things about coffee that outweigh the bad things. And remember, to me, I LOVE that smell in my house – it’s like a walk down the good lane of childhood memories - almost as much as I love the smell of Friday night homemade Italian pizza cooking smell! (Maybe that’s my next article?!)

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Jess Stainbrook is an 8x Emmy Award winning producer/director and university professor who is passionate about raising up the next generation of creative professionals and visual storytellers.

[1] Giardia, a microscopic parasite that causes giardiasis, can be found in?lakes, rivers, streams, and ponds?worldwide, including in the wilderness.?It can contaminate water sources from agricultural runoff, wastewater discharge, or animal feces.?Giardia can be present in natural waters that look, smell, and taste good, and where wildlife may drink without hesitation.?There's no way to tell if giardia is present by looking at the water.?

To minimize the risk of infection, you can:

• Treat backcountry water with a filtration or purification system?
• Collect drinking water from a moving source like a stream?
• Disinfect all drinking water before consuming?
• Wash hands with soap and disinfected water after going to the bathroom and before preparing food?

Symptoms of giardiasis include diarrhea, increased gas, loss of appetite, cramps, and bloating.?Symptoms may appear a few days to a few weeks after ingesting Giardia.?If you experience these symptoms within a few weeks of your trip, ask your doctor to test for it.?

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[2] Another word for digression.

[3] Cudos to anyone who actually looked up all my GPS locations. They ARE real!