I don't care about your hair

I've got a bit of an unpopular opinion to share today: I don't care about your hair, your nails, your shoes, your outfit, or your lipstick colour.

We need to stop complimenting women on their physical appearance.

From a very young age, girls are taught to believe their appearance is the most interesting and important aspect of them. It's NOT!

We’re constantly complimented and criticized for our appearance.

“Don’t you look pretty in that pink dress!”

“Your hair looks so nice with that bow.”

“You would look prettier though if you combed your hair.”

Meanwhile, the boy sitting beside her is complimented on the amazing Lego tower he’s just built or how well he can draw robots. No one cares about his hair...

One day last year, my 6-year-old daughter came out of school with scarlet red lipstick painted on her mouth. In shock, I managed to hold in the first words that came to mind: “What the F#$%?!”

The story was that her girlfriends had brought their moms’ make-up to school, and they let her try the red lipstick. Apparently, the teacher had thought it was a perfectly normal activity for a girl in grade 2 …

Before we even reach puberty we know how important it is to be pretty and good. We also start to understand that we aren’t pretty enough - we need to cover our faces with make-up to be more attractive to boys. From that point on, our bodies are scrutinized ruthlessly – too thin, too fat, too short, too tall.

Our ability, our strengths, and our smarts are always an afterthought.

By the time we enter the workforce as young adults, these messages are deeply ingrained in us and reinforced by sexist and stereotypical expectations. (Take a peek at your workplace dress code – is it gender neutral?)

We start to look for and even expect compliments about our appearance from both female and male colleagues.

Imagine a group of men in a meeting room, greeting each other like this:

“That outfit is so cute! Where did you buy it?”

“Did you get your hair done? It looks great today!”

“Those pants look fantastic on you!”

Too many times to count, I’ve doled out superficial compliments to other women. Each and every one of them deserved better.

We need to STOP complimenting women on their appearance, and we need to STOP normalizing sexist dress codes in the workplace (implicit and explicit).

SO, WHAT CAN WE SAY INSTEAD?

? “I was really impressed with that client presentation you gave yesterday.”

? “It was kind of you to offer to help our new team member.”

? “I can’t believe you managed to deliver that project on time – well done!”

? “Your quarterly report is excellent. It’s clear, concise, and full of insights.”

? “I really appreciate how you spoke up for me at that meeting. Your visible support means a lot.”

? “Thanks for believing in me when I didn't believe in myself."

Ciao! ?? I'm Lisa.

I help BOLD Ambitious Women Leaders with their Business English

Ready to start? Email: [email protected]

Photo Credit: Pexels - Lisa Fotios

Photo Description: Gold-rimmed eyeglasses, a flowered notebook, lip gloss, and a make-up brush are laying on a pink surface. The notebook cover reads: "WELL BEHAVED WOMEN RARELY MAKE HISTORY."