"I do what I want!"

I’d love to know:

How does a sentence like this make you feel?

Would it make you think less of me if I said it?

Would you think I'm a petulant, entitled brat?

That I’m selfish and disrespectful?

That I’m thoughtless and irresponsible?

All the above?

For most of my life - through childhood and adulthood - I’ve been terrified of choosing what feels truly good for me in my work and life -

precisely because I’ve felt like making any decision to meet my own needs and desires is equivalent to getting up on a podium, flipping off the world and sneer-shouting “I DON'T CARE, I DO WHAT I WANT”

Exactly like a little petulant, entitled, selfish, disrespectful, thoughtless, irresponsible brat.

Because of this, I’ve spent all my life making ‘acceptable’ choices even though they’ve ultimately hurt me and kept me small.

I’ve taken on jobs I didn’t want to.

I’ve agreed to things I didn’t actually agree with.

I’ve always prioritised what I ‘should’ do rather than what would light me up.

By not doing what I want, I’ve been doing what (I think) everybody else wants. (People pleaser, much?)

In the end, nobody really gets what they want.

I certainly don’t. And ‘everybody else’ gets a resentful, watered-down, dull version of me that isn’t bringing any passion or verve to anything.

Lose lose lose.

So here’s a reframe

To “do what I want” isn’t actually about flipping off the world and being an @rsehole.

It’s clarifying what truly aligns with your deepest-held core values, beliefs, aspirations and desires.

Separating that from all the noise and tangle of what society / family / your boss / Auntie Doreen expects or idealises.

And giving yourself permission to do it.

More than that, it’s giving yourself permission to do it with joy and peace and satisfaction;

and without guilt, or shame, or making it mean that you’re selfish.

It is honoring what will light you up and serve you best - so that you can bring and be and enjoy all your best bits to the party.

As a bonus, you’ll be of even greater benefit to others too.

Win win win.

(Also, you don’t have to shitty about it. Doing what you want ≠ being rude, disrespectful, aggressive. You can 100% do what you want while stating your boundaries and desires with kindness and respect).

So, next time you’re feeling pummelled into something you don’t really want to do

• take a beat
• check in if it fits what you really stand for and believe in
• separate it from external expectations / demands coming from someone/somewhere else

and when that's clear, declare proudly to yourself, “F*ck it. Imma do what I want”.