I discovered it was all a bunch of "BS"

As today is International Women's Day, I have been reflecting on success, and what it means as a woman.

I've had the privilege of having a very successful and lucrative corporate career as well as my own business.

The last few years as I've really become comfortable in my own skin, and have observed not just my own journey, but that of colleagues, friends, and my own clients I've been finding myself resonating less and less with, and as I type this, I think that maybe the correct way to say it is that something I've been finding myself more and more "repelled" by - ???? ?????? ?????????? ?????????????????? ???????? ???? ?????????????????? ?????????? ??????????????????????????, ????????????????????, ?????? ???????? ???????? ?????????????? ?????? ???????????????????? ?????????? ????????.

???????????????????? ???? ?????? ???????????????? ????:

• "????????"- (without "working hard" of course...)
• Be "Fabulous" or is it a "Goddess" or is it "Glam"?
• Always be growing - or else we're dying
• "Look the part" of living a "charmed" life on social media - perhaps sipping champagne in the South of France (or some other "up-levelled" 5 Star experience) with other "Fabulous" (goddess, glam, chic...) entrepreneurs - simply for optics & FOMO - not because it's truly helping us create what we want.
• Measure our success by the size of our shoe closet, the designers we buy from, or how many times a week we have a "blow out".
• Have a team and "support" - making sure to talk about it so that everybody knows that we don't do any of the mundane. That is how a CEO Femme thinks and acts right?
• Have photographs taken at places that we'd never actually visit or doing things we've never done because it conveys the impression of wealth (even if the photoshoot puts you into credit card debt)
• Raise our standards in everything ...make sure the home is spotless, ultra organized (fitted sheets included), even making sure we "unpack" our suitcase when we are at our hotel - because "up-levelled women" don't live out of a suitcase.
• Go to as many events and mixers as you can with the top entrepreneurs and world class experts - how else will you get noticed?
• Not get taken out by challenges, heartache or struggles that distract, or exhaust us, or cause financial stress, or perhaps that require us to consider someone else's needs first. - Otherwise we simply don't want it bad enough or have our thinking straight.

?? ?????????? ???? ????, ?????? ?? ?????????? ?????? ?????? ?????? ??????????????.

I definitely compared myself and bought into this narrative at one point.

While I believed all of this ?????????????????????? success, I also believed all of these things, were an important part of ?????????????????? success.

Yes, that's right. These markers weren't just a milestone to indicate "you've made it" but rather, as an entrepreneur you’re conditioned to believe that’s how you were supposed to up-level your thinking, your mindset, and your actions.

It doesn't matter if it caused a lot of financial, relationship, or life trauma on the back end. Because the “only thing that should matter is your desires”.

??????????, ?? ?????? ?? ?????? ???? ???????????? ???? ??????????, ???????????? ???? ???????? ???????? ???????? ???????? ????????

It was surrounding me, it was surrounding all of us.

(?????? ?????? ?????????? ?? ???????????????? ?????????????? ??????????, ????'?? ???????????? ????????)

When I bought the Ranch, my entire life and lifestyle changed, along with my priorities, and I slowly and surely started to wake up from that narrative.

I found a deeper sense of purpose, fulfillment, and joy. It was gritty, it was raw, it was dirty sometimes, it was challenging, and it was real.

?????? ???? ?????? ??????% ????

?????????????? ?????? ????????ds ????????????????????, ???????? ???????????????? ?????? ???? ?????? ?? ????????, &?????? ?????????? ???????? ???? ?? ???????? ???? ???????? ??????????????. ?????????? ?????? ???????????? ?????? ??????'?? ?????? ?????? ???? ?????? ????????????????.

It doesn't matter how good and devoted your team is. It doesn't matter how fierce and horrible the weather is.

Actually, now that I've lived through a few intense weather events on the farm - 2 river breaches and one heat dome, I can tell you the worse the weather is, the MORE you need to show up as the owner.

My husband and I had both been entrepreneurs for years, and nothing had prepared us for what it meant to take that up a level to owning a farm. And even though I had a horse for many years, suddenly being responsible for a full herd, AND incorporating horses into my business, was a space so immense, I thought at times it might drown me.

And then a year and a half in, even though we were still being humbled daily, we did start to feel that we had established a bit of a groove, and that "yeah we got this". And then 2020 arrived with a bang and I felt like I was hit over the head with a 2X4.

And um, yeah, life has a funny way of humbling you, more than you ever thought you could be - I had to realize pretty quickly:

"?????? ???????????????????? ???? ??????????????" - ?????????????????? ?????????STUFF???????????????.

My dog died, a horse moved out, a river breached and flooded our property, (one of the most terrifying things I've lived through), then I sat at my mom's bedside as we turned off life support and let her go. 3 weeks later the pandemic was declared, the world shut down, and so did the equine retreat part of my business.

So much that I loved - people, animals, and dreams were GONE in a matter of weeks.

When it came to the business, in a blink of an eye, the dream I worked so hard to create and risked everything for, by buying and renovating this farm just a few months earlier, crashed right in front of my eyes.

There was NO federal or provincial aid or support for my business, I fell through all the cracks. And while I could lay my team off, I still had 4 VERY large mouths to feed, house, and care for.

Later on that year, one of my horses was badly inured with an arterial bleed, and I sat underneath him, putting any concerns for my own safety aside, getting SOAKED in his blood trying to stop the bleeding until a vet could get here, praying he'd live while panicking about how I was going to pay for this (emergency equine vet bills are no joke, they are in the multiple thousands, never mind trailering, medication and aftercare).

None of these events were caused by "Mindset" or my subconscious mind- it was real, it hurt, it was terrifying, it was financially stressful, and humbling.

I also turned 50 that year.

The journey and inner reflection of reaching that milestone, along with the stressful and sometimes traumatic events of the year brought me to this realization:

This "Success Narrative" it's ALL a COMPLETE LOAD OF BS. ABSOLUTE BS

Not to mention it's FREAKING exhausting...

I found myself asking "who exactly created this narrative about femininity, success and glamour? Why are we buying into a narrative that success means buying into this material and external narrative?

Don't get me wrong - I'm not disavowing the nice things or the role our minds play in creating what we desire:

• I like - no, actually -?? ????????- nice things, getting dressed up, and 5-star travel.
• I believe life is too short to drink bad wine.
• I really do enjoy going to events. - ???? - ???????? ????????????,
• I treat myself very well.
• I believe in making financial investments even if they're scary.
• I love making money and building wealth.
• I understand the power of a network.
• I believe that personal growth is a never-ending journey.
• I'm also fully aware that, more often than not, what gets in our way IS a distraction created by our subconscious minds.

However, when the choices I was making, or the image I was trying to live up to, was no longer about what was true for me, and rather what the indoctrination and narrative said it should be - I started to realize this was getting in the way of what true success meant to ME.

I've talked to LOTS of women entrepreneurs who feel the same.

That somehow the narrative, or other people's visual success, has made them feel "less than" when, in fact, they've really created some pretty amazing things.

They are exhausted from keeping up, or sometimes feel shame, or like they have a mindset issue if they can't keep up, or if they don't want to do "all the things".

Instead of looking at their success through the lens of who they were a few years ago, they look at it through the lens of someone who they ?????????? is more successful than they are.

????-?????????????????? ?????? ?? ?????? ???????? ???? ???? ???????? ?????????????? ???????? ?????? ???????????????? ?????????????? ???????? ???? ???????? ???????? ???????????????? ?????????????? (???? ?? ?????????? ????????????).

My soul's purpose doesn't look like anyone else's.

And neither does yours.

Being seen at a VIP table or your local Morning Show, won't change it either.

?? ?????? ?????? ???? "????????" ???? "????????", ???? ???????? "????????????????", ?????? ?? ???? ??????% ??????????.

Femininity can mean dressing up and feeling "fabulous", as much as it can also mean getting wild, raw, and covered in mud. Both are amazing! And it doesn't make you "less than" or "shallow" if you prefer one over another.

It's OK to not fit in, in fact, it's way more fulfilling not to.

Success can only be defined by one person - YOU. NOBODY else gets to decide what success is for you.

Despite the challenges, fear, and heartbreak that year, there wasn't any point in time when I didn't feel successful.

In fact, I felt more successful than ever. Even though there were some very dark moments, I felt more alive than ever.

?????????????? ?? ?????? ???????????????????? ??????????????????.

Because I got to FEEL. I got to feel the full spectrum of human emotions from immense joy to immense grief. Because I had the privilege to tap into that piece of courage to move forward despite probably the most fear I had ever experienced in my adult life.

I wouldn't trade this LIFE, this farm, the joy I get from helping people and horses for anything.

During this time of chaos, I kept my faith, I continued to work with mentors, and I never stopped working on myself.

One of my clients was stressed and concerned about what this shutdown would mean for her business and I asked her " Well, you didn't choose to have this time, but if you DID choose it, what would you want to do with it? How do you want to spend this time so that it feels like a success?"

I heard those words coming out of my mouth and realized I just asked the very question I needed to hear myself.

I decided that success looked like taking a REAL pause and taking time to breathe. While I continued to work with a small handful of private clients, I temporarily wound down my group offerings, obviously, there was no retreat offerings, and I didn't accept any more new online clients in 2020.

I also decided to get off the treadmill of "bigger, better, faster" and took an intentional pause from any marketing or front-end business-building activities until 2021.

The "narrative" would have said this pause was evidence of failure, evidence that I "let life take me out" or whatever other cliche you want to fill in here.

To me, this pause felt like I had finally reached the PINNACLE of success because it was all fully at choice.

And when I emerged from my hiatus I knew I was going to do things VERY differently. I stopped "slaying" and "going for it" and instead cultivated, nurtured, and developed.

During 2020, despite the financial uncertainties, I still grew my herd, bringing in THE most amazing horse ever.

I also realized that you don't have to "always grow" to "not die". You simply need to keep moving forward, however slowly, until you're ready to grow again.

Sometimes you really do need to rest. And that's usually when you come back stronger.

???????? ????, ?????????? ??????, ?????? ?????????????? ?????? ???????????? ???????????? - ???? ?????????? ?????? ???????? ???? ?????????????? ?????? ?????????????????? - ?????? ?? ???????????????? ??????????.

My business, passion, and purpose never left me. In fact, it just became even more intense and powerful.

Here a few other "not so secret" secrets as I consider the narrative for the successful and "up-levelled" woman:

• Horse care always outranks housework for me. My feed shed is immaculately organized, my cutlery and jewelry drawers, not so much.
• And what's this about hanging clothes up when I travel? Pfffft - I have a hard enough time getting my laundry folded and away before I need to wear it again in my own house.
• And if at 51 I still haven't learned to fold a fitted sheet, I'm not going to. Linen closets have doors for a reason, nobody needs to ever look inside other than you.

As I've entered this new season in my life,?? ???????????????? ???????? ?????????????????? & ?????????????????? - ???? ????????, ??????????????, ????????, ???????????????????? ?????? ??????????, ?????? ?????????????????? ?????????????????????????? ???? ?????????? ????????????.

• Real women.
• Real dreams
• Real resiliency
• Real results
• Real wealth
• Real life.

So as I reflect on International Woman's day, I hope that whatever success looks and feels like for you - whether it be "Glam" or "Grit" - that you embrace it fully, without apology, and step into your most free and fulfilling life!

Who's with me here?