I Didn’t Want My Sons to Struggle Like Most Adults Do—So I Taught Them This First

I never wanted my sons to grow up simply “managing” life—I wanted them to thrive in it. From the moment they were born, I knew that the world would demand a lot from them. As Black boys in America, the stakes were already high. The world would tell them who they should be, how they should act, and what limitations they would face. But before anyone else could define them, I wanted to make sure they knew how to define themselves.

That’s why, from as early as I can remember, I taught my sons emotional intelligence. Not because it was trendy. Not because some parenting book told me to. But because I knew that no matter what they faced in life—disappointments, failures, racism, heartbreak, rejection, or success—they needed the ability to regulate their emotions, think critically, and respond instead of reacting.

And let me tell you, raising emotionally intelligent boys has been one of the most intentional, necessary, and rewarding things I’ve ever done.

The Decision to Start Early

Most parents focus on milestones like talking, walking, and reading. Those are important, but to me, learning how to understand and navigate emotions was just as critical.

I made a conscious decision to start early. My goal wasn’t to raise boys who didn’t feel pain or disappointment—it was to raise boys who could process it in a way that didn’t destroy them. I knew that if I equipped them with the right tools early on, they wouldn’t grow into men who struggled to articulate their feelings, bottled up emotions, or felt the need to prove their worth through external validation.

I didn't want to raise men who had to unlearn everything later in life. I wanted them to get it right from the start.

What Emotional Intelligence Looks Like in Toddlers

When people hear “emotional intelligence,” they often think of adults in boardrooms managing conflict or leaders guiding teams with self-awareness. But emotional intelligence starts way earlier than that.

Here’s what it looked like in my house with toddlers:

• Labeling Emotions Early – I taught them how to name what they were feeling: “Are you feeling frustrated?” “Are you feeling excited?” “That’s called being overwhelmed.” Giving emotions a name helped them express themselves rather than act out.
• Teaching Self-Regulation – Instead of saying “stop crying” or “calm down,” I asked, “What do you need right now to feel better?” That simple shift taught them that their emotions were valid, but they also had the power to manage them.
• Encouraging Healthy Expression – If they were mad, I let them be mad. But I also guided them on how to express it. “It’s okay to be upset, but hitting isn’t how we handle it.” Instead, I encouraged deep breaths, stepping away, or using words.
• Leading by Example – Kids watch what you do more than they listen to what you say. If I was frustrated, I named it out loud. “Mommy is feeling overwhelmed right now, so I’m going to take a moment to breathe.” That showed them that emotions weren’t things to be hidden but managed.

The Long-Term Payoff: Raising Emotionally Intelligent Young Men

Fast forward to today, and my sons are older, with one graduating this year and the other next. They are stepping into the world as young men who understand themselves deeply. They know how to articulate what they need, set boundaries, and recognize when they’re reacting from emotion instead of reason.

I see it in the way they handle disappointments.

I see it in the way they carry themselves in a room.

I see it in the way they interact with people—with confidence, empathy, and self-awareness.

While other parents were focused on making sure their kids got straight A’s or made the football team, I was focused on making sure my sons had the emotional intelligence to handle life—because the truth is, that’s what determines success more than anything else.

Why Emotional Intelligence is the Foundation for Everything

In my experience, emotional intelligence isn’t just a “soft skill.” It’s the foundation for everything.

• It Determines Your Ability to Handle Setbacks – Life will knock you down. It’s a guarantee. But how you respond to it is what makes or breaks you. People with high emotional intelligence bounce back faster because they don’t let failures define them.
• It Shapes How You Handle Success – Just as failure can ruin a person, so can success. I’ve seen people make a little bit of money and let their egos destroy everything they built. Emotional intelligence keeps you grounded, no matter how high you climb.
• It Affects Your Relationships – Whether in business or personal life, your ability to communicate, regulate your emotions, and understand others is what builds strong, lasting relationships.
• It Helps You Navigate the World as a Black Man – I had to be real with my sons. The world will not always be kind to them. But instead of teaching them to suppress their emotions, I taught them how to channel them productively. Because when you know how to navigate your emotions, you’re not easily broken by what happens outside of you.

The Hardest and Best Thing I’ve Ever Done

Teaching emotional intelligence wasn’t always easy. It meant having tough conversations. It meant being patient when I wanted to react. It meant modeling the behavior I wanted to see in them.

But it was worth it.

Because my sons are walking into adulthood with a skill set that many people don’t develop until their 30s or 40s. They don’t seek external validation. They don’t let emotions dictate their decisions. They know their worth.

And that, to me, is priceless.

If you have children, start early. Emotional intelligence is one of the greatest gifts you can give them. If you weren’t taught this growing up, it’s never too late to learn. Emotional intelligence is the key to resilience, success, and peace.

And in a world that is constantly testing us, it is one of the most powerful tools we can have.

I’m Shalea Brown, the founder of The Content Amplifier—a done-for-you content solution for agencies that need expert content execution without the hassle of hiring in-house.

With over six years of experience helping service-based businesses scale, I specialize in content strategy, social media management, and digital marketing systems that drive real revenue—not just likes.

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