I didn't mean it that way...

There is a quote attributed to George Bernard Shaw that has been cycling around in my head this week, ""The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” Wow, did he nail that one. I know this is one of the biggest areas of continuous improvement in my life. How many times have I felt like I was clearly sharing my thoughts and later learned, nothing really was taken away? Or, sometimes even worse, something that felt light and easy had a huge impact. It turns out the stuff that is in our heads and leaves by text or speech is probably not absorbed and processed like we hope.

I think if George was living in a hybrid meeting, Zoom Session, flood of emails and Teams Messaging world he would feel pretty affirmed in his beliefs about communication.

The things I am trying to grow in relation to communications are:

Being open and transparent- It may feel like getting over my ski-tips sometimes, but I would rather be more open than controlling the narrative. Taking the risk of sharing an idea, vision, or plan is hard. But, the risk has potential reward by creating an inclusive culture.

Accept Feedback: I believe we grow through feedback. When I open my mind to hear, I?know I gain way more than I give. There is something about active listening that can build a new view of what is shared. Letting go of the need to be ‘right’ is a bit healthy.

Be Flexible: Our minds become fixed too easily. As we move through life our brains physically alter to process information faster, but the synaptic pathways become fixed, and our views get pretty locked in. Other perspectives can help us see through other lenses.

And, to be very clear, these are not my gifts or talents, they are areas for my personal growth (as almost everyone who works closely with me will tell you). As leaders (and we all are) we have a need to demonstrate active listening and effective communication. This week has been filled with opportunities for me to recognize the need for growth in these areas.

I know I often hide behind a statement like, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.” Intent is something inside of us, but impact is what happens inside of others. If my impact is a long way from what I intended, it is my responsibility to learn why and adjust my behavior to produce a different outcome. Two things I am hoping to learn how to do better are to pay better attention to the non-verbal cues around me and listening for understanding. I know I need to stay curious and ask, “Tell me more about how that is influencing you.”?

It is too easy to hide behind “I wouldn’t say something to hurt somebody, they must not really know me.” Or “That’s not what I meant. They need to be more sensitive.” I believe?leaders have a responsibility to own their impact. Part of owning it is understanding the experience of others and purposefully exploring the way things are coming across.

Please know that I value each of you and your perspectives, thoughts, and feedback help me grow as a leader, but more importantly, as a person I hope to become (some day).