I-Dent-It WHY?

I Dent It Y? A dance of Soul and Ego

1900 Words – Reading Time: 7 minutes.

 While the word identity would normally be written ‘identity’, for this piece, I would like you to say out loud “I –Dent- It-Why”? – in the I hope that it might help us to connect at the level of our minds… within the level of the One Mind…

 On May 1st, 2016, I had a break in at my home. During the early morning, while I slept five meters away from a large window in my cottage, thieves stole my laptop, ipad, Irish passport and my South African identity book. They also stole a TV and a Cohesion workshop suitcase with writing materials in it.

 In essence, my identity was stolen!

 When I woke up and saw the window open and the materials were not where I had left them, I was distraught; oh no!! I cried (literally), they stole my laptop, my ipad, my passport, my identity book. I sobbed like a child whose toys had been stolen while they were not looking.

 Yet, within a few minutes, I had composed myself, and I could only feel the joy that has been sitting within me for the past few weeks; since I did an ancestral clearing with the energies of my parents and grandparents.

 While there was no violence in the robbery, and I later found a white feather beside my bed, thieves entered the site where I live, and they waited and they watched. The security guards left the site while they were hiding in one of the out-buildings; and then because they were inside the perimeter sensors, they went about their nasty work undetected.

 Of course I felt violated and targeted. Earlier on in the week, ants had attacked my Apple Mac, and here they were again, bigger ants had stolen the same device. The signs were there for me to see.

 I was being asked to ‘be nobody’; no passport, no laptop, no ipad, no Internet, no email, no Google, even my journal on the ipad was gone.

 However, I felt a resolute joy and a clear feeling that I was not going to be driven from the sacred land where I live, by the malicious act of a few thieves and vultures.

 Yes, my work tools were stolen, yes my connections to the matrix were ripped off; they even stole my spectacles which meant that I had blurred vision; yet being stripped of these material things, invited me to look within.

 I was astounded at how quickly the Universe rebalances. The previous days, ending on April 29th, I had only finished holding space for sixteen beautiful souls over seventy-two hours in our first Cohesion Community of Practice Dialogue Guide Container – where the last dialogue circle was about ‘loss of identity’.

 I began to ask where I have stolen from others, where have I targeted others, where I have laid in wait only to steal from them? I wondered was Karma visiting me once again?. Where have I sneaked in, in the middle of the night and stolen someone’s window on their world, how have I robbed their identity?

 My mind moved to wonder whom these thieves were? Were they hungry, were they drugged, were they unconscious? They are certainly poor; most people in South Africa are poor. Are they dangerous? Are they afraid? Did they steal to eat? Did they steal to feed their families just like my own ancestors?

 The value of their haul was around 50,000 rand. Yet the values that they left behind are worth much more than that. My joy is priceless; no one can steal that from me. My happiness is priceless; no can rob me of that. I retained my perspective and I stayed awake.

 Fortune smiled on me that they had not stolen my backup drive, which was on my desk. My data was safe. Fortune also smiled on me that I was able to retain my joy and my awareness.

 They did not disturb me in my sleep. No shots were fired unlike the last time in December. My life was not under threat of murder. My heart refused to anger. Yes, my ego was sad, but I had a backup, and I do not mean the data backup. My backup is that I am not a victim.

 But if I am not a victim, then surely I remain a perpetrator? I knew that I would be able to replace the hardware. I knew that my resolve would be strengthened. I knew that I could keep up my good work. I knew I could transcend the bad. I knew I could repel the attack.

 It’s perhaps the broken windows theory of Malcolm Gladwell – keep replacing the broken windows, and eventually those that break them realise that breaking them has no impact.

 I wonder would they have killed me for a laptop and an ipad? I wonder would I have killed them over the same laptop and ipad? These are frightening questions because of the anger of the answers.

 I began to think I need my own security system. The site security has failed me twice now. The old man who runs the system is not to be trusted. The Senex is a failure. The Puer shall take over his own security.

 I though that when I build my own venue to be called Sanctorium, that we shall have the same threat, and we must be prepared. We best be secure from the start!

 As I sat there contemplating the robbery and the loss of identity, I remembered that the previous night I had a first date with a lovely woman. My mind turned to those possibilities. But when on the following Monday, she decided to journey on with another man, I once again was faced with a choice for sadness or joy. Once again, I chose joy.

 Then, strange things began to happen to me. I did not have the immediate cash to replace my equipment. So I sent the thought out into the universe that I needed to replace my stuff. By 5pm on that very day, I was offered the 50,000R that I needed. And I had asked nobody in person. I just put the call out there.

 Next day, I was sitting in a coffee shop when a text came into my phone from an insurance company. This was the same insurance company that had refused cover when I rang them last December. Lo and Behold, within 20 minutes I had contents cover for 500,000R for all my possessions. And Guess What! I even got identity cover J

 My joy simply expanded. I used the same data with the same company, but for some reasons that I can ever know, I am not the same me at all.

 I began to feel the alchemy of edging into a new maturity. Here and Now, Being Here Now; I am getting a chance to get a new identity, discovering a new way of doing things, exploring a new way of being.

 I am beginning to feel different in my being. I am feeling my own maturity, I feel joy. I realised that soul mates are easy to find, we are all One; yet Ego Mates seems much more difficult to connect with. My consciousness is expanding; I can love and let go. I can feel the sound of my guitar more deeply within me; my songs come from a deeper place.

 I have found a teacher within, a guru on whom the light of grace shines; he is father, he is grandfather, he is an innocent child, he is a perpetrator. Yet he wants to be lover and husband. He wants to build his Cohesion Movement, and he wants his toys too!

He is planning his impact on the world of business with a one hundred year business plan. He is manifesting a global dialogue. And he is planning to let go, focusing on being Somebody, so that he can let it go in order to Be Nobody.

Soul and Ego together must collaborate, learning a robust and mature emotional and spiritual vocabulary. They must remain curious about people, even the ones that harm us, maybe especially these ones?

 Soul and Ego must not only embrace change, they must create it, manifest it and be able to hold the space for others who join that change movement with strength and vulnerability. Together, they must remain good judges of character by dropping judgments and opinions. They must be more and more difficult to offend; instead accepting fist and fight in the way of a Zen warrior.

 Soul and Ego must know how to say no, to themselves and to others; letting go of the shame and guilt of past mistakes and to give; expecting nothing in return. They must together hold no grudges, not even of each other, and this will enable them to neutralize toxic people.

 They must not seek perfection; instead seeking the multiple truths that make up reality in the human curriculum they are both learning. They must appreciate what they have, spending no time thinking or mourning what they have not.

 They must find ways to disconnect from the mundane and the profane, continually and continuously getting back to mother nature. They must continue their practice of stopping negative self-talk quickly and lovingly.

 Now that Soul and Ego realise that no-one can steal or limit their joy, no-one can. They must abandon desire for preference; also abandoning their personal histories and victimisation. They must accept their vertical reality as a prism of the past, present and future, lived in this moment.

 Together, Soul and Ego can remember that they are not IN this life; realising instead that they MAKE UP this life; and they can make up anything they want. They can re-member that their developmental journey is not an external teaching; it is an internal process, and by looking within, finding that all the world is there.

 They can learn that when they see someone, they have to know ‘who they saw’ and not simply judge who they ‘think they have seen’. Soul must find a new way to control ego, and ego must want to be controlled by that higher power; together they must understand who is slave and who is master.

 They must continue to understand the dual nature of this world; distraught reactions can become joyful responses; knowing that in every darkness there is a light; in every shimmer there is a shadow.

 They must learn to dissolve their internal expectations and allow that which they call their ‘suffering; to become their teacher and healer. Then, in one moment, they will realise that joy and sorrow are the same thing, they come from the same place; any hell can be transformed into a heaven.

 Through all of this episode, I realise that my joy is more important than my identity; my awareness is more important than my intellect and my soul is not so much more important than my ego; but with my soul alone, without the collaboration and energy of my ego; my persona’s and my identities will remain in turmoil for many more years; many more lifetimes.

 In this episode, enlightenment is not that I am landing in some new place; it is my process of ever expanding in love. My toys may come; my kids may join me in this far away place; my beloved may come; my wealth may come; my legacy may come…

 If and when they do, I shall be ready to en-joy them…