I cried, screamed, and snotted.

Wow, what a week can do. I write this as I'm emerging from a 7-day intensive "retreat" in the hills of Petaluma, CA, called the Hoffman Process. And when I say retreat, I don't mean matcha lattes and restorative yoga, but marathon 10 hour-long days with 30 strangers doing the most unbelievable things I've ever seen. I mean shared bathrooms, tiny twin beds, and no phones, email, internet, television, books, exercise, or (pardon me here) masturbation. The effort isn't to make your life a living hell, but for those 7 days to jolt you out of any numbing activities to stay present in the work you are doing. And it is work.

For those 7 days I watched executives, attorneys, actors, college boys, retirees, beauty industry titans, and one billionaire scream, snot, cry, and both beat and snuggle pillows that throughout the week played many characters from our upbringings. There was a dance contest and visitation from Santa (I know). There were days of silence. There were days of play. There were psychic funerals held. Over those 7 days, we experienced anger, resentment, joy, loss, hope, and love together.

The others at the retreat came with real traumas: abandonment, molestation, abuse, neglect. Day after day, I watched each of their faces become brighter, their eyes clearer, their presence more magnetic. People who showed up in monosyllabic misery begin to crack (actually funny) jokes. And when we left? I swear to the heavens everyone looked like they'd had a facelift. The beauty expert went so far as to say that Hoffman was worth the price of its cosmetic benefits alone. And by the end, I had a new family.

I'll admit, I gained a few lbs from the excellent food, but what I gained most was hope. And more than hope, knowledge--that people can and do change. That we don't have to walk through our entire lives with our parents' damage acting as trauma colostomy bags. That shit can be exorcised, and it was.?

THE TAKEAWAY

Many of us feel doomed that we can’t change, but we can. Your past doesn’t need to dictate your future.?