The "I Could Never" Trap - Could it be preventing you from achieving your dreams?

Yesterday, I saw a man with no arms and no usable legs, walking his dog.

He was in an electric wheelchair, which had been modified so he could drive with his toes, and his chihuahua was tied off the front.

It was happy, he was happy, and it made my heart soar to witness human spirit and ingenuity at its best.

Which then made me think about the other side of the coin...

The people who aren't doing what they can to live their fullest life possible...

To the people who aren't following their dreams...

And a single phrase popped into my head.

I COULD NEVER...

I've heard it said so many times, by so many people, about so many things...

And what I realise now is that it is actually being used in 2 different ways.

Let me explain.

There are 2 main reasons that people find themselves saying the words, 'I could never':

1. Because they actually just don't want to do whatever it is that comes at the end of the sentence

2. As an excuse, because even though they want it desperately, they feel it is too hard, or not possible for them, so they were using the words ‘I could never do that’ as an excuse, and self-sabotaging themselves.

I want to talk about these 2 groups now. Let’s start with the first group. 

Okay so imagine this...

You've rung a friend and they're chewing your ear off, raving about the new exercise regime they're doing.

It involves getting up super early every morning, drinking raw egg yolks, and working out till they puke.

They're raving about how amazing they feel, and how much weight they've lost, and how radiant their skin is.

Things that have one hand creeping down to feel the softness of your belly, while the other explores a pimple that chose that morning to reveal itself to the world.

But even though you would also like to lose weight and feel amazing, you don't want it enough to do what your friend is doing.

You open your mouth and you say...

'I could never do that.'

Now I want to ask you something...

Is that really true???

No. Of course, it's not.

You just don't want it bad enough to go through what your friend is going through. Secretly you think she's gone a little bit crazy...

I mean exercising till you throw up??? That can't be good for you.

SO why did you choose those words?

What I've found is that when somebody is telling us something, rather than truly listening to what they are saying, we are, instead, interpreting what their words mean about us.

And so when someone is talking about something that they are doing, and they are talking passionately and it is obviously something that is good for them, but we just don’t want that, then we interpret that to mean something negative about us.

AS if somehow the fact that we don’t want that means there is something wrong with us.

Which is not true.

Everybody is different. Everybody is unique, and it is not only okay to be different, it should be rejoiced.

WE don’t need to conform to other people's idea of the norm.

SO next time you feel the words I could never do that building up in your throat, and it is because you actually wouldn’t want to do it, give yourself permission to be okay with that, and instead use other words, like...

...‘that’s great, good on you. Sounds like you are going great guns.’

Say whatever you want, but don’t feel that you need to make excuses for who you are.

Right, now I'm going to talk about the second group...

Those of you that would secretly, or not so secretly, love to be doing something, but you're not acting on that desire.

The ones who have a dream, but for whatever reason are just not going for it...

The ones that are using the words ‘I could never' to self-sabotage themselves, and are letting their dreams fade away.

SO what is really going on here?

These people are at point A, and they would love to be at point B, but they’re not even trying.

If this is you, I want you to imagine that the words, ‘I could never’ are a blanket lying on the ground. (Sounds weird but work with me here!)

Now, onto that blanket you have piled all this stuff...

Things like, I don’t know what to do', 'I’m not good enough.’

Whatever it is that pops into your head when you think about going after your dream, those are all lying in a jumble on that blanket.

At the moment, you have tied those corners of the blanket together, you've heaved it up off the ground, and you are carrying it around with you.

All neatly packaged up....

Just one big bundle of ‘I could never’...

Except it’s a bit of a burden isn’t?

Having this bundle of excuses with you all the time.

Subconsciously gnawing at you.

So, what can you do about it?

Okay, now I want you to visualise that bundle, and I want you to put it down on the ground and look at it.

Untie the corners of the blanket and spread it out so that it is flat.

SO, now you have your blanket, and on top of it are a whole heap of things, all tangled together in a big, knotted mess.

These are the things that are stopping you from getting you to where you want to be.

I want you to start untangling them...

Pull each one out and dust it off and take a good look at it, then, write it down.

Make a list.

Now keep going until you have them all there in front of you. Everything that is currently keeping you stuck where you are.

SO for instance for our clients they are normally things like:

I don’t have time

I’m a single mum - it’s all too hard

I’m not sure where to start

I don’t know what to do

I’m not good enough

Everyone will laugh at me

I’m not tech-savvy

I don’t know how to sell

I don’t know how to get clients

My friends won’t like me anymore

Now you will see that some of these things are actual blocks, and some are mindset issues.

So, I’m not good enough, people will laugh at me...these are just stories that we tell ourselves to stop ourselves from having to get into discomfort.

But there will be some doozies on our list.

I don’t know what to do - That’s a legitimate problem.

Now I want you to separate your list into mindset issues, and into functional issues.

Your mindset issues are things you need to spend time unravelling, to see where they came from...

To see them for the stories that they really are...

So that you can dissolve them.

These are things that will keep coming up at each stage of growth within your life or business, so you must always be on the look out for them. 

The functional list is the list that becomes your to-do list...

They are the puzzles that you can work out, that you can overcome, and your job now is to do that.

I know that feels impossible, but I want you to imagine that you're in an obstacle race going from Point A (your now) to Point B (where you want to be) but along the way are these obstacles.

So you’re running along, making good time, and then you run into a rope wall.

Is it difficult? Yes.

Is it impossible? No, of course not.

None of the things on your functional list are impossible.

Like the man with no arms and no functioning legs walking his dog, you just need to work out a way to do it.

Sometimes you will be able to work it out yourself, sometimes you will need help.

SO over the next few weeks, I am going to talk about some of the blocks you might have, and how you can overcome them.

I’ll also be sharing some tools that we have created to help you get there. So keep an eye out for those emails.

I know things seem dire at the moment, but this is the winter before the spring, and the spring will be all the more glorious because of what we are going through right now.

SO, I want to tell you that there has never been a better time to start working on your dreams. And I want to help you get there.

In Your Corner,

Donna