IF I WAS A CLOCK, I WOULD HAVE FROZEN THE TIME

The way we are racing against time, no wonder the years have passed before we could get habitual to write them in numbers. The months have passed like days and the year like weeks. Never realised how much life has changed us in such a short span of years. When we look at past, the old memories seem start rewinding. There was a time when Doordarshan was the only channel and Chitrahaar the best program, that came every Wednesday and Friday at 8.00 PM.

We all children sat together in any of the house that had TV and we were allowed to sit. Some brought something to eat for all of us and some switched it off giving us indication that we had to leave. But we were smart too. We used to go out for a while and again come back. This time, feeling embarrassed, they allowed all of us.

I remember when the lights used to go, we were the happiest children. Our intuitions were much stronger than GPS connections. Without any message or WhatsApp or Instagram or mobile calls we all used to assemble in the middle of the park and play hide & seek. The night without light was the most appropriate moment and opportunity.

In hide & seek game, generally, with all the innocent mischiefs, we secretly used to select the one who was most eager to play with us and we never wanted. He was strategically selected to become the den and find all in hide & seek game. Slowly he understood that we all were making him fool purposely.

One day, I was that unlucky person who was chosen as den. When I could find none for about a good 30 minutes, I went back to my home. After sometime all my friends started searching for me and found me very conveniently watching TV. No one spoke to me for about one week. I was made to stand outside the playing area in the most unwanted position. Even if I tried speaking to one of my closest friends, they all would scare me with broad eyes and ask me not to come near. With a lot of apologies and a promise to never repeat it again, I was pardoned and brought back into the team.

We never carried grudges or hard-feelings forward once everything became normal. We were kids, didn’t understand manipulations, politics, or cunning-ness. We were simple, naughty and forgiving.

It all seems so nostalgic and unbelievable. Thinking of those days brings a feeling of being old and as if there is nothing left to do or achieve in the balance years of life.

If I was a clock, I swear, I would have frozen the time forever.

Sometimes, I think of again uniting with those old friends. I can see many people searching for old buddies and finding them as well, they are very lucky. But I have been not in touch with my old hide & seek friends. I searched them on Facebook and other social media handles but could not find them. All I knew them mainly was by their nick names - Pappu, Bittu, Nikki, Kalu, Bhalu, Rinku, Guddu, Gittu – how do I search them on social media. I never knew their school names or surnames.

I do want to find those old friends who ate my tiffin before lunch time, who used to put water in my school bag while I slept in the class, who stood in front of me when someone bullied me but later ran away, leaving me to take their share of kicks.  Finally, I do want to find my those friends who made me do their homework and still I scored better marks than them.

Time seems to have passed without taking a break and it seems we all have become older before our age. We have become practical, when emotions were important. We have become independent, when we should have remained dependent on family and friends.

If I was a clock, I swear, I would have frozen the time forever.

One day I was at Delhi airport and I saw a gentleman coming straight to me. Feeling a little uncomfortable, I rudely looked at him and looked suspiciously. He smiled and asked me, “Bhaiya are you Pavan”. I nodded in surprised. I could not recognize him. He asked me many times. “recognize me Bhaiya, I am meeting you after 30 years”. I was still surprised and feeling embarrassed. Finally, he told me his name. I had no clue even now. Then he told me his nick name “Bhanu”. Oh god, he was younger son of my aunt. I hugged him. Few tears rolled and then we began to talk about how everyone was in the family and how he has been doing professionally.

While sitting in the flight back to home, I was only thinking how far we have come from our beloved ones. At one time we were inseparable, though separated at a very young age.

One day I got a message from one of my seniors from the school on the Facebook – “How are you Kunwarsahab (meaning prince).” I had played this character in a very popular TV Play on Doordarshan. Till now she calls me Kunwarsahab. She is lucky to have united few school friends and they meet regularly.

Every time she sends me few pictures of their get-together, I keep searching for the ones I had known.

Everyone speaks about race against time, who has won against time? When the time passes, we all realise. When we are passing during the phase of life, we all want to move ahead, saying when will this time pass. We all want to grow as quickly as possible. We all want to get into the shoes of our father even when our feet is smaller. We love wearing our father’s shirt when we know it will still take a lot of time to fit-in.

We act like an adult, not knowing one day we will miss our childhood.

Finally, If I was a clock, I swear, I would have frozen the time forever.