I Chose Differently, and I Like It

Hello from the other side.

The other side of burnout, that is.

I'm going to go ahead and call it, and say that at the start of my fourth and final week of sabbatical I'm no longer in full on, hair on fire, charred and blackened fingernails level burnout.

I've been actively not worrying, noodling, stressing, or processing for several consecutive days now. Case in point, I'm writing this latest installment from a brewery at 1pm on a Monday (don't tell my personal trainer...but I've totally jettisoned his whole "let's not drink during the week" plan while I'm in burnout recovery).

Related, you might have noticed that this "daily" newsletter that I so diligently penned for the first few days of my sabbatical fell quickly off to something more akin to a "periodic" missive.

And that was by choice.

For the first time in five years I chose differently. I chose to miss commitments (even if they were ones I made to myself and/or those of you who are interested in what I have to say).

I took long walks while listening to audiobooks (yay learning!).

I pulled my daughter out of camp and spent the day doing whatever she wanted. She scarfed down multiple Snooze pancakes, skipped through the interactive art exhibits at Meow Wolf without a care in the world, and reveled in my saying that yes, we could have popcorn for lunch and ice cream on the way home. Tomorrow I'll take my son out and do whatever he feels like.?Prediction: more reading, less skipping, equal amounts of ice cream.

This is the first time I've opened my laptop in days, except to print my in laws' boarding passes. They flew here from Texas to watch the kids while the hubby and I spent three days in Colorado wine country.

And you know what we didn't talk about during that whole trip? My job.

For five years I've been consumed by my work. Did we land the client? Is the pipeline healthy? Do we have enough staff? What crisis am I managing in this moment? Am I ready for next week's presentation?

None of that came up.

Don't get me wrong, we talked about the business models of the wineries we visited, comparing the customer experiences and what led us to buy bottles vs. join a wine club vs. leave without a purchase. I'm never not an entrepreneur anymore, but it was fun to solve hypothetical problems that don't impact my life, instead of mission-critical ones.

I haven't been in "CEO mode" for a good solid three weeks now. But you know what book I'm listening to on my epic rambles? Great CEOs Are Lazy. And I'm LOVING it. I first bought the audiobook and within 24 hours had the physical copy on its way. I need to touch this book, to mark it up and scribble in the margins. Kindle just won't do here.

In case it wasn't clear, the book is a metaphor. For the first time since I went offline, I'm excited to go back. I can see a different way of doing my job, one that serves both me and my business. There's a way to do what's needed for all concerned parties.

Four weeks ago I 100% didn't know what this week would be like. There were many potential paths ahead of me, and many of them were unmarked and uncharted. But this feels like a fork in the road rather than an about-face. Like maybe I'm changing shoes (because blisters), downing a granola bar, re-applying sunscreen, and turning 30 degrees North. The next stage of the climb will be different. But who wants sameness anyway?

____________________________________________________________________

For those curious about how I got to the other side of burnout, I'm happy to share what's worked for me so far:

• Someone else has been managing my email in my absence. I've logged in 3-4 times to grab a relevant message that happened to come to my work address before I signed off, but there's been no need to "check in," a moment that would have inevitably led to a rabbit hole of work stuff and hours of distraction.
• I worked with my email manager for a couple of weeks before my sabbatical so she'd know the kinds of messages that tend to come in and how to route them. The plan is to continue this level of involvement from her so that email doesn't run my life nearly as much as it used to :)
• Likewise I turned off Slack notifications and haven't logged into my AgileSherpas instance at all. Same reasons as email. Of course the team knows I'm offline, and that the only way to reach me is via text message or my personal email address.
• All my clients knew about this four week check out, and I worked a lot in the 3-4 weeks leading up to it to make sure they were sorted. My grandfather passed away two weeks before I signed off, and it would have been very easy to use that as an excuse to eat into my time offline. Instead I forced myself to find ways to remove to-dos or punt them to PS (post-sabbatical). It was an excellent reminder that I run a professional services business. Nobody's lives are in danger if I delay things a few weeks.
• I started off assuming that I'd somehow magically return to 2017 Andrea the moment I unplugged. That there'd be a fount of energy that I could instantly tap into and devour books, run 5 miles everyday, and reorganize every closet in my house. It took a full two weeks of haphazard meandering through my days before the well of energy started to fill back up. I gave myself permission to wander without judgement. Week three was more energetic, but I was still guarded about overcommitting and draining myself too soon. Now in week four I look forward to a few blocks of cranking through tasks later this week, but if they don't materialize I'm quite certain it'll be fine.
• If we take our primary success factor as binary, i.e. is Andrea refreshed and rejuvenated or not, then the sabbatical is a success. If we take any other productivity metric as our primary success factor, it's a failure. I barely finished one book -- and not even one full jigsaw puzzle! I haven't worked out everyday. Not a single closet it more organized than it was four weeks ago. Even now, it's hard for me to write those sentences. I had this vision of emerging butterfly-like from this month with every aspect of my life perfected. Instead I emerge with greater grace for every part of my life. I'm cultivating a love for the process of getting here, and an excitement about the journey to the next place. That next place seems unlikely to include perfectly organized closets either. I'm good with that.
• It's been crucial to state what I need from the people closest to me, in my case my husband and two kiddos. For example, although I'm "not working," I haven't done every single drop off and pick up this month. Some days I want to sleep in, get a facial, or just stay in my PJs and read. I negotiated the days when my husband could get the kids just like we would have done if I was working, so it wasn't 100% on him either, but I didn't sign up to be a full time parent. I know myself well enough to know that wouldn't be a means of rejuvenating in the least.

No doubt there are other strategies that will occur to me in this final week; I'll keep you posted as time and inclination permit :D