I cared too much, you didn’t care enough. That was the problem…

I had a colleague with whom I shared a close bond. We used to discuss many topics beyond work. These include planning forward for her career, her interests and in general how she sees the world. I had several coaching sessions with her. But as it happens, the enthusiasm usually fizzles out in few days and then we are back to the drawing board. I was getting repeatedly disappointed. I felt that the other person is not taking it seriously and it is just one more thing for her. After getting disappointed several times, it reached a point where the behavior started hurting me. Hence I took few steps back and started having only formal conversations with her. She might have noticed but never questioned or asked me about it. Post several weeks of that happening, I started wondering as to whether I should give it another chance. There were no guarantees that I will not be hurt again but may be the bond was precious for me and I really wanted to see her happy and successful. This let me to think whether doing that will be a good idea or not.

When you’ve been hurt, betrayed, or disappointed by someone you care about, it’s hard to imagine giving that person another chance. If you generally give people too many chances, you’ve probably been called naive, and your intelligence might have even been questioned once or twice. People are all about distrust now, they want to assume the worst in people. They believe that if someone does something once, that represents who they are, and they are no longer worthy of chances, trust, or love.

But we aren’t like that, and though we may take a bullet from time to time, we make the world a better place.

We always look for the good in people. We believe people are born good, and that things happen to them along the way. They either keep their goodness or it’s clouded by experience, but we believe that people will do the right thing, more often than not. We gravitate toward uplifting and inspiring stories and generally surround ourselves with kind people. We like to live in a world that is gentle.

We believe that people can change if they want to. We don’t believe that people are fixed products. We think that people are always changing, whether they want to or not – so if there’s something that needs to change, they can change it if they really want to. We believe in the power of people and their ability to recreate their lives.

We’re very skilled at forgiveness. We’ve forgiven so many times, so many different people, that we’ve gotten really good at it. We actually believe that forgiveness is one of the most important things in life. Not being able to forgive means you’re living in a very cold existence, burning bridges over petty issues when they could have been worked out.

We love the idea of being in love. We love the idea of real, enduring, do anything for each other, see each other at our worst. The kind of love that builds families and lasts for generations. Giving someone one chance too many is so worth it, if it means we could have a chance at that.

We trust until we’re given a good reason not to. No matter how many times our trust has been broken, we find a way to mend it. We will trust someone for as long as we want to, for as long as we think they have good intentions. We need to be shown, without a shadow of a doubt, that a person no longer has good intentions for us before we refuse to trust anymore.

We’ve been hurt, and we’re stronger for it. When it comes to care and love, we’re kind of like warriors. We know we’re walking into a battle and we accept that outright. We don’t care. To us, everything is worth it. All of the risks, the scars, are worth it because we keep getting stronger, we keep evolving so we’re more and more equipped to meet our one.

Mutual desire for a relationship is essential for longevity. Oftentimes people break up because they don’t feel acknowledged, appreciated, or valued. If this fits your situation: communication is your remedy. But before you say yes, make sure both of you have spent time reflecting and communicating to each other what you need. And, whatever you do, don’t say it for them. Sometimes it’s excruciating to confess the deepest parts of your heart, but a second chance requires it.

Because they are honest. Honesty is a must. Honesty to yourself and then your ability to communicate it to others. If your partner has this, they’re a keeper. Everything else in a relationship is negotiated and will take time and compromise. Honesty can take a lifetime to cultivate. So give it the respect it deserves and reconsider your love. Because they do what they say.

No matter our circumstance, love and kindness are the ultimate goal. Loving yourself and treating everyone kindly. Hence I am going to give that relationship another chance hoping that things turn out better this time. After all, there is a difference in giving up and knowing when you had enough.