I Can't Stand Them

I can’t stand them. Have those words ever escaped your lips for certain individuals? They definitely have for me. It’s natural to have our set of likes and dislikes, and we don’t hesitate to lump people into those subsets as well. Life is replete with judgmental, critical, and nosy family members, “friends,” acquaintances, and strangers. Regardless, we cannot always ignore such personalities or confine ourselves to a bubble. Ultimately, everyone serves a purpose, and how we view that purpose is up to us. In this week’s newsletter, I share ways that help me manage my relationships, be it professional or personal, with people I dislike.??

Years ago, when I watched “Bridget Jones’ Diary”, I was appalled at Bridget’s demure reaction at social gatherings to other people’s unwelcome comments on her relationship status, appearance, and intelligence. I’m aware that the movie is a romantic comedy, but, back then, when I imagined myself in Bridget’s shoes, I knew I would blow a gasket. Little did I know that losing sleep over such people only leads to ill health and negative energy. Thankfully, I’ve matured since then and developed the strategies below to cope with people I cannot necessarily cut off from my life.??

Reclaim your power?

When you ruminate over others’ personalities and comments of yourself, you hand them your power on a silver platter. You give them permission and authority to upset you, anger you, and hurt you time and time again.??

You can change this dynamic by paying attention to your thoughts of such people. Ask yourself how much space these people’s words and actions take up in your head and heart. This question matters because your power is yours alone. Within that power lies your unique and infinite self that nobody gets to dismiss or uselessly criticize.??

The next time your mind races or you shed tears over someone you can’t stand, take a deep breath and reclaim your power. Nobody else, but you, deserves this power.???

Steer clear?

Around some of my extended family members, I often feel singled out or at the receiving end of unfair opinions. My past experiences with them have mostly been unpleasant and disheartening. Consequently, a few years ago, I made a promise to myself: I had nothing to prove to anyone nor did I need to surround myself with toxicity. I am still respectful towards these family members and speak to them politely, but I limit my interactions with them for the sake of my overall health.??

The less time you spend with people who brazenly and repeatedly overstep your boundaries, the better it is for your whole wellbeing. Instead, purposefully seek and surround yourself with other people, including friends, who help you overcome the limitations of the support system into which you were born. Make the effort to balance out your social circle in ways that enhance your life instead of diminishing it.???

Empathize?

As humans, we constantly project and let our behavior be an extension of the pain and trauma we carry within us. These difficult emotions need an outlet. Sadly, people who do not get the help they need end up coping with that pain through hurtful words and actions. Unfortunately, I am guilty of such behavior during my lowest moments. Thankfully, in those instances, the people around me were kind enough to grant me grace and understanding.??

You may not be able to fully grasp why someone is the way they are, but you can take a moment and see beyond the traits that bother and irk you. What you dislike about someone may just be the only way they know to cope with their circumstances. Not everyone may be as reflective or self-aware as you ???

Take the good and leave the rest?

Sometimes, the people we don’t like can be the mirror we need to see past our deeply ingrained behavior and thought patterns. Recently, I encountered a professional contemporary whose criticism of my social media presence was humiliating. Initially, I was taken aback by her demeaning and harsh comments. Nevertheless, when I reflected on our conversation, I realized that although her delivery needed work, her feedback was relevant and valuable.??

I chose to pay attention to the parts of the dialogue that mattered to me and let the rest go. I didn’t want to ignore constructive criticism all because her communication was poor, arrogant, and condescending. Sometimes, the people we don’t like help us see beyond our rose-colored glasses, which can lead to monumental change and progress.?

Set boundaries?

This habit has been the toughest for me to practice. The people pleaser in me has shrunk significantly, but it still exists. Somewhere, the validation and approval of others are still connected to the self-worth of young Chaitni.??

I am consciously learning to say no or to let others know when they’ve crossed the line. I don’t always do it elegantly, but that's also a piece that is slowly coming together.??

When you are unable to set those boundaries or you hesitate to do so, ask yourself what you’ve got to lose. Ask yourself if you’re worth it, and if not now, then when. When I set boundaries, I constantly remind myself that I am not in charge of other people’s expectations and assumptions; I can only be in control of mine. This reminder is liberating and empowering for me.??

Don’t stoop??

At times, it is tempting to purposely hurt and insult the people you don’t like. That behavior works if you want to completely cut off ties, but that’s not always possible in most relationships. I believe that the people we dislike are the true test of our character. Tit for tat and reactive behaviors are exhausting and immature.??

On the contrary, say what you have to say but let your delivery be stern instead of mean, direct instead of personal, and clear instead of muddled by your ego. Only practice and self-knowledge can get us to this point. If we work at it, it’ll become a part of our personal constitution.??

I went from saying, “I hate people” to saying, “I want to understand people.” Our likes and dislikes are a projection of our beliefs, principles, and morals. When someone questions them in any way, we conclude that the person is not likable. On the other hand, when we choose to understand such people and ourselves better, relationships with those same people become more manageable.??

As always, I am here to support you all the way. I love hearing from you, so if your heart desires, drop me a line or more. It will be an honor to read your story, thoughts, and feedback.?

Learn more at www.imperfectbodies.com. If you enjoyed this information, then please share it with others.?

My guide to overcome stress available here: https://fierce-originator-1156.ck.page?

Check out this week’s wellness video content on YouTube: Knowing and Managing Your Menstrual Cycle Part 2?

All the best,?

Chaitni?