I can't say something nice, so I'll repeat myself

“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothin’ at all.”

These are the wise words of Disney’s Thumper. My mom used to quote them to my younger self when I’d get my undies in a bunch about who-knows-what had happened at school that day. Sensing that I was about to huff and puff about some playground drama or lunchroom injustice, she’d remind me to save my words for more constructive talk.

Mom was a model of kindness and tact. So was Thumper.

But “nice” isn’t always what’s needed, and silence isn’t always golden.

If you suspect I’m referring to the state of things in the United States of America, you’re right. I’ve been biting my tongue a great deal of late, reserving my comments until I could find something constructive and original to say.

The struggle is real. And persistent. I have nothing new to offer.

And yet, I don’t want to be silent.

Rather than say nothing at all, I’ve decided to repeat myself.

For more than a year, I’ve been posting weekly 1-minute videos to encourage and inspire people who want to communicate better and flex some creative muscle at work. Each message is a micro-dose of the advice I deliver to my consulting clients.

Looking back through that history, I chose 6 messages worth repeating—whether you’re striving for success in the workplace or struggling to stay calm in America.

Here goes.

1. Always tell the truth.

The president of the company where I worked was retiring. He and I had collaborated on some exceptionally challenging communication issues, and I respected him immensely. So, as he packed away his last few personal belongings, I asked: “What advice would you leave with me?”

You know what he said?

“Always tell the truth.”

It sounds like advice we would give to a child. It's also good advice for us grownups, for so many reasons. Telling the truth means:

• You never have to wonder what you said. No need to backtrack to make things "match up."

• You and your colleagues can easily be consistent. No need to waste time "aligning."

• People will know they can trust the integrity of your message. No need for them to question or check your facts.

Always tell the truth.

2. Think for yourself.

In the 1950s, a researcher conducted the Asch Conformity Experiments?to study how people might be influenced by the views of others—even when those views were obviously incorrect.

Alas, nearly 75% of participants opted to follow the crowd and answer incorrectly, rather than stand apart with a contrary but correct response.

This experiment may have taken place decades ago, but conformist behavior has yet to become outdated.

What a shame.

You're smart and observant. When you look around and see things are wrong, please summon the courage to go your own way. Say and do what's right.

Trust your own intelligence.

3. Sometimes you need a sweary first draft.

Have you ever considered a sweary first draft? Not a messy first draft (which I often recommend), but a sweary one.

I found this technique helpful when a long-term project was nearing its end, but none of us had found the words to articulate our recommendation to leadership. Out of sheer frustration, I sat down and banged out a profanity-laden tirade about all the work we'd done, what we'd found, and the action plan we envisioned as a result.

So. Many. F Bombs.

The next day, I scoured away the bad words, softened my tone, and focused the message. When my teammates read this (clean) version, they agreed: "This is IT!"

If you're struggling to find the words, let yourself write a version you'd never share with anyone. Get the raw emotion out of yourself and onto the page. Then set about editing and revising to create a palatable version that will inspire the results you need.

Sometimes you gotta start sweary.

4. Everyone needs an editor.

“I’m my own editor.”

I always wince when I hear people say this, whether they're talking about a novel they're writing or some business communication that they're creating. Why? Because you are your own worst editor.

You are unreliable.

So if the message matters, share what you've written with somebody else before you release it to your target audience.

Another person might spend mere moments scrolling through your draft and find that misspelling or missing word that you're blowing right past. Maybe your colleague needs 30 minutes to review your detailed report. But if the message is important, isn't it worth that little bit of extra time?

When the message matters, don’t be your own editor. Get a second set of eyes on your content.

5. “You’re not listening” won’t change anything.

"You're not listening!"

How tempting it can be to blame the audience for missing your point.

But no.

If your message isn't breaking through, that's on YOU.

This is true whether you're trying to reach employees, collaborators, customers, prospects, investors, reporters, friends, relatives ... anyone.

If you have the sense that people aren't picking up what you're putting down, then make adjustments. Change what you say. Change where you say it. Change who's doing the talking.

Change your action, and you're more likely to change your audience's reaction.

6. W.A.I.T.

W. A. I. T. is an acronym that stands for “Why Am I Talking?”

What a great reminder that our own self-expression is only a small part of communication. The rest (and the most) is thinking and listening.

W.A.I.T. reminds us that we don't always need to be talking.

And T can stand for more than "talking." I like to replace that word with "typing" or "texting" to keep myself from needlessly or hastily blasting written words into the world.

W. A. I. T.? Why am I talking/typing/texting? Does this even need to be said?

It takes but a moment to pause and ask this super-important question.

Are you taking that pause?

And that’s all I have to say. For now.

Beth Nyland is the Corporate Poet & Cutter of C.R.A.P., proving every day that creative business communication is?not?an oxymoron. In addition to serving as guide, mentor, and thought partner to leaders and their teams, she co-founded the Story Mode program with her friend Jill Pollack, and in 2024 opened Anthology for Books, a small, independent bookstore, with her husband Jim Nyland. Learn more about Beth's work and ideas at www.spencergrace.com. And connect with her here on LinkedIn. She loves making new friends!