I can't get no...

My mom recently told me that when I was five years old and constantly on the move, she and my dad took me to the doctor to make sure nothing was wrong with me. So much energy. So many words.?

The pediatrician tested me and reassured my parents that I was fine: I was just an energetic and intelligent kid who would need constant challenge and stimulation.?

It was no surprise to them when I grew from a super-active young girl into a woman who still needed to be on the move. Up the corporate ladder. Fast-paced at the gym. Traveling by plane. Out at dinner, theater, sporting events, and with friends. I couldn’t possibly wind down without a hot bath and a glass of scotch.

Even at night, Restless Leg Syndrome kept me moving when my eyes were closed.

After years of being in constant motion, something in me has recently flipped.

I’m not spiraling late into the night with energy as I have for the past sixty years. In fact, I now fall asleep while watching TV.

My eyes sometimes close during the day, too. I never understood nappers until now.?

Unlike any past phase in my life, I can go to sleep without taking a bath to wind me down. I still do daily workouts, but I’m not chomping at the bit to get to the gym. If my only exercise is a long walk with the dog, I’m OK with it. Recent thoughts of more travel have yielded sighs of resignation rather than enthusiastic pre-packing.

I’ve gone to my primary care physician multiple times in the past year, concerned about fatigue, lack of energy, and not feeling like myself.?

What is happening to me?

Am I depressed?

Did I burn out early?

Did I live most of my life in the first half and run out of fuel before my finish line?

Am I sick? Old? Worn??

Part of me is mourning the loss of my high-energy self.

But part of me is celebrating Anne 2.0.

I didn’t initiate this hard reset. I didn’t see it coming. In fact, I think it’s emerging from somewhere deep.?

Inner-peace deep.

I’ve reached a point in my life where “being” often feels better to me than “doing.”?

I know I’ve talked about this before, but I’m realizing that I no longer need to suck the marrow out of life. Instead, I can let the moments of life wash over me, sometimes conscious of the wave and sometimes abstractly touched as though the moment was a vague but sweet dream.

I don’t think I’ve ever known (until now) what it feels like to be satisfied.

Even as I struggle at this moment to put feelings to paper (these monthly missives don’t always roll off the keyboard), I can accept that the rise and fall of my breath is very different from the deep inhales and exhales that used to accompany me through the course of my high-energy life.

While I’ve long-ditched my Apple Watch because it was making me too step-obsessive, I’ll bet that if I could track my breathing over these past few years, I would note that my inhales are getting deeper, my exhales are extending longer, and the pattern is slower and more consistent than in the past.

While the health checks will continue, I’m currently chalking it up to:

Liking who I am.

Liking where I am.

Liking what I am.

Liking that I…. am.

I wish I’d seen this coming, but maybe inner peace could only arrive when I was ready to let it catch me.

Have you entered a new life chapter??

Share it Small: The more we talk about these transformations, the less unfamiliar they will be for others when they enter them too. Share where you are with those you love. It’ll let them know what might be coming for them and provide space for them to share their transformations as well.

Share it Big: Does your “new state of you” open up possibilities for you to become more deeply aware of the small things around you that you might have missed? Enjoy those moments of seeing, feeling, and being… and bring those you love along for the ride.

Share it with Me: We all learn from each other. If you have had a revelation, a breakthrough, an insight, or a triumph, we can learn from you, so please tell me about it here! I'm collecting stories of these cascades of good for ongoing community building and to track The Parlay Effect in action. I would love nothing better than to hear how you lifted, were lifted, or observed something in others that made you feel good and recognize your own power.