I can’t breathe…..nurse… I can’t breathe...please can you help me….nurse….

These are the cries of my husband at 8.43, morning of Saturday 20th June 2020 while in a hospital ward surrounded by nurses and doctors. 

In this article, it is my intention to highlight to you, the importance of listening to hear with the intention to help rather than listening with an agenda, policies and procedures in mind. 

It has been a series of traumatic, unforgivable and unforgettable, events for my husband and our family since they admitted him into the hospital. 

But the most traumatic was Saturday, when I spoke with my husband at 8.43, he told me he could hardly breathe. He said he needed Ventolin because he was struggling. I asked him to get the nurse quickly….after many attempts, he rang me at 9.48, still no one had been to help him. 

By this stage, I was panicking, he was not been attended to, he had no oxygen and no one was helping him. 

I rang and spoke with his nurse and these were her exact words ‘’ I’ve asked the doctor on the ward 3 times now, he has other patients to attend to, I can’t follow him around you know’’.....WTF! ‘’Are you serious, my husband cannot breathe, yes, yes you can demand him to attend to a patient who cannot breathe, he could die... Do you understand...he could die….’’ Her next words to me were what broke me….’’ there’s nothing more I can do’’ ’and hung the phone up….

You can imagine how I felt..my heart sank.. at that moment I felt helpless...I felt empty...I felt angry...I felt sick. I got on the phone straight away and rang to speak to someone higher up….in the end, my husband got the attention he needed at 11.45….DISGUSTING!

There was no validation, no acknowledgement, no urgency, no human. Nothing...

So, what happened here...why didn’t the nurse hear my husbands cry for help...why did she not attend to him...why did she not hear my cries…?

The nurse was not listening to hear….she was listening because she was told by her supervisors there’s a protocol, a process and you must follow it.  

This could’ve ended badly for my husband and for our family, had I not persisted and pushed. 

For what purposes do we not listen to understand? 

For what purpose do we forget ‘’our own purpose’’? 

We get into autopilot, into process mode and forget that there’s a human being, with feelings, emotions, a family, kids, grandkids, behind it all. We’re so concerned and caught up in ourselves, scared about bending the rules, challenging the status quo, rocking the boat, getting into trouble that we forget about our own individuality, our own morals, values, opinions, beliefs; so instead, we take on that of our environment, the culture in which we surround ourselves in. A culture that does not feel good, that is not good for us, is not good for those around us, yet, in times of desperation, in times of need, we just do it anyway, regardless of the consequences. We follow the rules that are given to us.  

The problem with most organisations, companies, businesses, is that people are not encouraged to ‘’think’’, people are not encouraged to make decisions, people are not encouraged to be themselves. There is no room for this. There is no room for free-flowing, instead it’s filled with bureaucracy policies and procedures.

What if there was a culture: 

• That supported and fostered the vision. In our case, their vision is to provide exceptional health and community care. Well, this clearly was not the case for my husband, quite the opposite in fact. 
• Where they actively notice and comment on team members who are not living up to the vision, mission and standards? 
• Of transparency about what’s expected - clear standards and expectations 
• Where the leader, the supervisor seek out or focus on making sure no-one is feeling stretched and overworked
• That supported and empowered their staff 
• Where they seek to understand and to be understood

Things would've been so different.

The disconnect in most organisations and between people is the need to get things right, to follow the rules, to obey the people in charge; instead of challenging what’s not working, finding another way, a new way, a better way, encouraging ideas and innovation. 

The disconnect in many organisations is the lack of human connection.

Managers, leaders, are the critical bridge between the organisation and its people and must consider ways in which to communicate and engage effectively, because effective communication is vitally important in providing top-quality customer/ patient care. Any breakdowns in communication can lead to serious problems and in this case, potential complications or death. 

In conclusion, I wonder: 

• how well do you and your people listen to communicate? 
• Do you listen to hear, understand and acknowledge or do you listen with an agenda? 
• Do you challenge what's not working or do you just follow suit and hope for the best?

So many people who dominate, push, force and ignore will typically do the following:

- Talk too much...

- Ignore concerns, wants and needs of the client/patient

- Push for what they think instead of the clients needs

It’s not about having something to say, it’s about understanding the person you’re listening to, because, when you understand, you respond with relevance. 

Here's the thing, people know when they are not being heard or validated.

Be less focussed on dominating and more intent on listening.

Listening to communicate is an art that requires less ego and more vulnerability.

Saturday afternoon, my husband was transferred to ICU Cardiac Unit...

In a world full of souls seeking to be understood, the person who seeks to understand first is the disruptor.

BE the Disruptor...