I believe in your lived experience. Period.

This is an interesting and yet common scenario, Maryann. I might look at this a bit differently. "Jane and Jerry" both have feelings that are not easily reconcilable in the scenario above. Their feelings are very real, and more importantly, they have a right to those feelings. People have a right to how they feel - no matter how awful we might think their feelings are. So we cannot regulate feelings. We can empathize and validate that their feelings are real to them. What we can also do is examine words, behaviours and actions, and their tangible outcomes and impacts. They matter tremendously in these circumstances. I work with this principle in my personal relationships, and have also tried in my professional roles: if we can agree as friends, that our end goal is to support and grow the friendship, then confrontation or conflicts ultimately become opportunities to build a stronger relationship. If we can agree that the disagreements in the workplace are rooted in determining what's best for the organization or cause, the same can happen here. I think this is healthy and can inspire creativity and collaboration- through brave spaces. But it is still complex and requires work. And the core tension may be about something completely different which makes this even more difficult! Lastly, South Africa is a nation that continues to struggle, and falter when it comes to reconciliation. It's complex and messy, and the best intentions continue to fail so many people. However, the process of active reconciliation in a good thing- we still have to acknowledge that the healing process can still harm. #solidarity

Thank you for your insight and courage!

My father was a trouble-shooter. It was his job to go in and start digging into what was happening in the organization - the culture, the structures, and the results and make a new plan for the path forward. He was good at it. Through the years he's given me excellent advice. His favourite subject is building teams and his true passion is sales. One piece of advice he’s given is, "trust your gut." Another is, "document everything - when you have a hint that things aren't right document, document, document." I find that last piece hard. The idea of gathering proof that you are being mistreated or that there's something amiss is heart breaking. I’m high on the harmony chart – I have come to learn that positive conflict engagement can help you, the team and the organization grow. But you need to have trust built to engage in that. Building that takes time and care. And it’s hard work. It’s been difficult for me to be challenged by a leader and not acquiesce – even when my gut said, “What he’s saying is not true” or when I felt backed into a corner and the best answer would mean losing my role because it challenged the status quo. This is not to say I don’t speak my mind – you’ve experienced that Maryann, but you did the work to build trust. It is hard work being a leader of people. It is a role not to be taken lightly. In my estimation it should be viewed as an honour and privilege and not about the prestige or “I know best” of it – for another piece of advice my father shared is, “everyone is replaceable.”?

So much energy trying to rectify the drain of energy. When I deal in the workplace with competing truths I settle things quickly by putting a limit on things In this case the board needs to demand that the ceo and organization goes through a inclusive but objective assessment to unearth silent killers like this that stall Strategy and drain energy but worse that dont allow truth to speak to power. If they find similar then act fast to solve this. Various solutions are available. Either way we set parameters for behavior that don’t reward this behavior. This is classic UNLEARNING territory. Not forgetting but simply setting the irreconcilable differences off to the side , and taking action to move forward. Worst case bad apples get culled quickly. I’ve done this exact situation hundreds of times