I BEGGED HIM CRYING MY EYES OUT AND HE CALLOUSLY THREW ME OUT

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It’s not every day that a patient gets abruptly and unilaterally kicked to the curb by their psychologist in an email. This happening after a two-year therapy is almost unheard of. The only reason a therapist might do this is if they feel personally threatened or someone in their family was threatened. But I assure you that this wasn’t the case.

Here is the shocking “goodbye email”

Dear Sandy,

After listening to your voicemail message on Saturday, it’s clear we are no longer able to work together. I am confident that you will be able to continue your psychotherapy with someone else. I send you all good wishes.

Sincerely,

Dr. Pogany

When I received this email, I was in a state of shock. Having borderline personality disorder, I am used to ending many therapies and relationships this way. It’s the coward’s way out from having to say things face to face to someone. It’s a good way of avoiding conflict and responsibility. I’ve been in therapy for over sixteen years, and I have never had a therapist end therapy so abruptly, using email as the way to do in a unilateral decision with no discussion with the patient.

I immediately called him back and left two voice messages on his answering machine to see me for a last session, which is the professional thing to do. I also wrote Dr. Pogany –

It is totally unprofessional to end therapy of two years with a patient via email WITHOUT a last session. I know you’re in a “reactive/protective state”, but I am imploring you NOT to end it like this…. WITHOUT a last session to discuss things. I KNOW we can work this out. I have ended therapy countless times like this. I will admit this is the FIRST time a therapist has done it to me.

Dr. Pogany, you are BETTER than this. PLEASE allow me my session tomorrow.

Sandy

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Hours after the phone messages of my begging him to see me for a last session and this email he finally called me back and relented. I had hoped that this meant I had a chance to clear the air with him. Unfortunately, it didn’t. He had his mind made up before I even got to the appointment. I went in for my two-thirty session very nervous and fearful of his rejection. He greeted me with a tense look. As soon as I sat down, I explained to him that I was in total shock by his email abruptly ending the treatment. I said that as a borderline patient I have done this countless times before to therapists, but this was the very first time a professional has ever done so with me.

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Borderline personality disorder, which is what I have, is characteristic of having extreme fears of abandonment and trouble staying in relationships. To treat a borderline this way is reprehensible.

I was already reeling from my last psychologist who was unethical and had a sexual relationship with me for two years. Now this one was kicking me to the curb. I sat there, threw my pride out the window, and begged him not to end the treatment. I was drinking heavily and needed help. All he said was “I can’t.” Through my swollen face and streaked tears, I said “you won’t”. And then he repeated that back to me, confirming the obvious, that he had his mind all made up before I had even entered the door and sat down for the session. He said the phone call was what did it. But he also spilled off a laundry list of the things I did that he didn’t like in the last two years.