I asked a guy out and here is what happened

(Best of 2024 Newsletter Series)

His name was Michael Caruthers

I was 18 years old…

I worked at Thrifty Foods in my hometown. I was a cashier and he worked in the produce department.

He listened to punk rock music when he was working alone in the back, and I’d often cut through the produce department (even though it was out of the way) when coming back from my break just to see what he was up to.

He had some spiky hair and that kind of emo look that at the time I found incredibly attractive. (The things that now make me cringe — this one makes the list)

He was definitely responsive, when I’d see him in the aisles and he’d make a point to come through my checkout on his lunch break, even if there was more of a lineup.

So I knew he was into me. (This was before self-checkouts existed btw)

I figured he would ask me out at some point…

I mean why not? I kind of took for granted that he would…

It seemed to me like the chemistry and the vibe was so obviously there… I wasn’t sure What was going on!

Then I talked to my dad and my dad said, “He’s probably afraid you’ll reject him.”

And my dad encouraged me to just go for it and ask him out myself.

He said, you never know otherwise! And what if he has a girlfriend, whatever the case you gotta find out!

My dad was highly invested in my dating life lol.

And really… I didn’t want to miss out on the love of my life because HE was too much of a chicken to ask me out. (What did I know at the time) ??????

And I wasn’t the kind of girl who was told to look pretty and wait to be asked, my dad was like, no you go for it lol.

So I did.

I casually went up to him one night we were both working the 4-10 pm shift and I asked - what are you doing this weekend?

He said “Nothing”

I said: “Wanna do something?”? ***cue holding my breath***

He said “Sure”

Then we exchanged phone numbers and he texted me and we made plans to go for dinner and a walk on the beach!!

OMG, I was so excited! I could have died.

But the experience wasn’t as I’d dreamed of.

Far from it.

Aaah! I messed it up big time! I was so self-conscious and I f***ed it up.

He didn’t call again, I waited and waited days and days until I couldn’t take it anymore and I saw him at work and just blurted out: “why haven’t you called me?”

He said: “Oh yeah about that"

He said: “Look I don’t know what was going on with you but you were very different than I expected…"

I said: “Oh what do you mean?”

He said: “Hmm I dunno, and he paused (trying not to hurt my feelings) he said: “I wanted to go out with the confident girl who was flirting with me, the one who asked me out. Not the one worrying about her weight or worrying about how she looked or what she said” I don’t know he said it just wasn't what I thought."

I wish you the best though. Blah blah blah I didn’t really hear anything he said after that.

I was mortified and as I walked away tears started welling up in my eyes.

I went to the bathroom and cried until my break was over.

Micheal Caruthers didn’t end up being the man I was meant to be with. (Which worked out in the end)

But the experience was a mandatory life class.

I remember being on the bus home that evening crying. But weirdly enough, It felt like a “hurts so good, kind of cry”

I actually felt… like I had made the move and found out how it was gonna play out you know?

I wasn’t still waiting around for him to ask me out and, what he said to me was absolutely right.

From then on I never self-deprecated myself on dates again. I just didn’t say those things anymore.

And at the time I did really like this guy so it HURT!

Don’t get me wrong…

But the thought I remember was this: ??“I’d rather feel this pain than nothing at all” ?? It was a 3 day grace song??? that actually got me through it. ??

I didn't die from having this experience, I actually felt more alive.

Because you know what?

I now knew I could live through that, & that meant I could live through anything.

And I was proud of myself. Life is too short to spend time “waiting around” wondering.

So… now it’s your turn.

What opportunity is currently looking at you?

Consider it a signal from the universe to go over and get it.

??Ask for the conversation.

??Ask for an interview.

??Ask for a recommendation.

??Ask to present the idea.

??Ask to present the proposal to solve a problem.

??Ask for the raise.

??Ask for the promotion.

Keep asking.

Ask bigger.

Ask fearlessly and courageously.

Because you have nothing to lose if you think about it.

The worst that happens is exactly what you have right now.

If you’re actively asking for the big and bold enough times…

You know you will inevitably get no’s.

So?

My ask is: What’s really the problem with that?

Here’s what most people don’t know about this:

What you’re doing all this for isn’t the yeses.

It’s for your dignity, for your self-worth, for your self-esteem.

It’s for the very important purpose of telling the universe that the things you are asking for matter!

That you matter and what you want is important.

That you’re someone who prioritizes a fully lived life over your fears.

That you’re someone who proactively guarantees your own success.

Someone who is their own creator of success, not reliant upon any one person to deliver it because you know you have this skill in the bag.

That’s the actual lifetime value of this incredible skill.

It’s the self-respect that feels so grounding and has the roots needed to sustain bigger goals and see how you actually go after them!

This is like the ultimate “how!” And mastering it gives you the keys to your own kingdom.

That feeling is better than getting official validation from a member of the royal family.

Better than a room full of people chanting your name.

-Natalie

P.S. Join our free workshop, 'How to Finally Value Yourself to Get Paid What You Deserve in 2025 (And Why You’re Not Valuing Yourself Yet),' happening this Friday, Dec 13!

How to FINALLY VALUE YOURSELF (What’s included)

• How you value yourself is directly reflected in how much income you earn in salary
• Why I ended up in an emotionally abusive and neglectful relationship for 10 years
• How I professionally valued myself to achieve a 60k raise in corporate & competing job offers
• What happened to make a radical shift in my personal relationships
• The 5 categories of professional value
• The VCVC method (Value Creation and Value Communication)
• Identifying the difference between high value and low value environments quickly
• The 3 critical components required to land jobs and repeatedly move up and belong in High value environments as your normal