I applied (very seriously) to be an ESA Astronaut - Reporting malfunction on the launchpad!

“Act your age, not your shoe size” was one of the best retorts around the playgrounds of my youth. Applying for one of the four European Space Agency corps positions this week, I wished for once age and shoe size (European units of course) had matched! ?

I missed the launch window (50 years old max) by a substantial margin : true!

However, I know first hand that this candidate still had gas in the tank (make it Rocket Propellant 1 in this case) and was go-for-ignition:

• Research, Operations and Leadership experience – check
• International and collaborative experience - massive check
• Regularly push own, and others’, comfort zone – check
• Prior experience under stress with team; resilience – check – check
• Tough-mother-who-don’t-take-no-nothing-from-nobody* – check
• Motor and handiwork (ice hockey as a bonus) skills – check
• Pilot, diver, paratrooper, caving experience, safety training – check-check
• Body punching in lower age group; pass pilot medical - check– check
• Kickass cover letter - check
• Age at time of application – “not admitted to selection process - disqualification at pre-screening” – Abort – Abort – Abort 

Dear European Space Agency,

Please know this upbeat/beat up non-millennial falcon with a substantial amount of useful flight hours was primed to take off and go the distance.

If "youth is a matter of the will, a quality of the imagination, vigor of the emotions … appetite for adventure over the love of ease … freshness of the deep spring of life”*, this fountain has been running for decades and shows no sign that it will dry up soon. 

Fellow candidates, I know some of you, … you no longer must contend with me nipping at your heels; know the old man would have pushed you hard if given a chance. Good luck - give it all you’ve got.

As my brother suggested, Zhurong may need a chauffeur. If anyone in my network has a contact and a good translator, let me know. I need to work on Plan B and own driver’s licenses in various countries.

Houston signing off.

#oldguyscangotospace #spacecowboys #sixtyisthenewforty #givethegeezerachance #majormalfunctiononlaunchpad

(*) With references to Samuel Ullman, Rudyard K., Disney, and credit to the folks that have played along with this fantasy for the past few weeks.

cc: Josef Aschbacher Lucy van der Tas Florence Loustalot Guillaume Weerts Stéphane Ghiste Geraldine Naja Philippe Baptiste Jean-Jacques Dordain Diego Klahr