I Am Not Your Doormat

Unless you have not been paying attention, there is an abundance of hurt in the world today. Unfortunately hurt breeds hurt. Hurt is not a bad thing and let me be clear, it is not only okay to hurt it is necessary. Hurt serves to keep us in check with our emotions, and it also serves as a warning buzzer so hopefully we will not repeat unhealthy choices. We must also be willing to hurt the feelings of others to help them recognize unacceptable behavior.

There is a stark contrast between "hurt" and "harm". It is understandable that our response to a given offense is a reasonably measured response to the offense itself. In other words, don't blow things out of proportion, don't make mountains out of mole hills, etc.. Harm comes into the picture when unhealthy responses or actions occur perpetually with seemingly no just cause. I am sure you have heard the saying "hurt people, hurt people". I get that, I can even understand that through a lens of empathy. The issue in our society today is that "hurt people" are harming others.

You have the constitutional right to say whatever you want to. You also have the responsibility to accept whatever consequences result from that. I beg you all to be reasonable in your responses. Be empathetic when you are interacting with people who are hurting. Protect yourself by not allowing their hurt to evolve into your harm. Establish boundaries that guard your heart. I shared in a previous post that one of the biggest lies from my childhood was that "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me". The truth is that the words we speak have great power to inflict pain or encourage. To speak hate or to speak love. To spread rumors or to choose to not be a gossip.

Every member of my Team receives a little bonus material from me in orientation at the conclusion of my PowerPoint slides:

1.??? Hurt people, hurt people

a.???If someone is generally polite, respectful, caring, etc. and then 1 day their behavior seems to contradict the “norm”, there is likely some hurt they are experiencing. Respond with empathy

b.???If someone is always a jerk, disrespectful, toxic, etc. Establish boundaries to protect yourself. If boundaries are not enough, remove yourself from the situation

2.???I will not tolerate someone on my Team to be treated like a doormat

a.???Customer service is paramount, but that does not condone harmful speech or treatment

b.???Horst Schulze established a principle for customer service that in the delivery of customer service, we ought to be “ladies and gentlemen serving ladies and gentlemen”

3.???“When respect and honor return to this conversation, so will I”

a.???Each Team Member is given permission to use this IF they feel they are being verbally assaulted or harmed (they are responsible for reporting the interaction immediately following)

??????????? ?i.???Yelling louder, reciprocating harmful speech, or threatening a physical response WILL NOT win your argument and will certainly not defuse the situation

??ii.???Because you are louder, it doesn’t make you right

???????????iii.???Because your have the right to say something, that doesn’t make it the right thing to do

Like it or not we have a responsibility to provide an emotionally and a physically safe working environment for our Teams and Families. I would also say that we have a greater moral obligation to our friends, neighbors, and cities to foster and model the same. For those who don't know me, I am competitive and protective so I am thrilled and honored to lead in a business that is a certified Great Place to Work! I want more... I want to be the Greatest place to work! I am determined that we will be, but that will only occur through creating and sustaining a culture of emotional intelligence, emotional and physical safety, and a sincere belief that I am responsible for loving my neighbor as myself and that means everyone! Before you assume I am in pursuit of some camp fire songs and making s'mores, let me be clear, to be accountable is to care and yes, the measurables matter. Just remember this, results come from somewhere. Where will yours come from? Are you making a difference to expect a difference?

Chris R. Thorpe

Credit Living Well Ministries (Vicki Goodrich) in Brunswick, Georgia with: "When respect and honor return to this conversation, so will I"