I am a woman in tech with ADHD.

April 1 is April Fools Day. But to be absolutely clear, I’m not fooling anyone today.

April 1 also marks the beginning of Neurodiversity Awareness Month, and I thought it would be fitting to use this month to bring awareness to “invisible disabilities" that impact so many people in the workforce. Cognitive and neurological conditions often lack external physiological symptoms or forms, and thus, can go unnoticed, undiagnosed, and untreated for years at a time. Some of your colleagues may be living with one of these invisible disabilities, and there are things you can do to help support them.

I'll start by sharing the story that's closest to home: mine.

TL;DR:

• There are a lot of myths about ADHD, but it is a lifelong condition afflicting men and women, with a biological basis (not mentally conjured).
• Symptoms are hard to describe, but drastically impact daily life, and worsen with chronic stress. Treatment is not only possible, but critical and life-changing.
• Well-meaning neurotypical (normal) people often try to empathize, but in doing so, can sometimes inadvertently cheapen the challenging experiences of neurodivergent people.
• The best way to support neurodivergent people at home and in the workplace is to ask questions, learn about their condition in great detail, trust their sincerity, and remember that honest mistakes are not moral failings.

(Estimated time to read in full: 10min. If you're still up for it... let's begin.)

I have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

Specifically, I have ADHD-I (Inattentive Type). Yes... I know. I’m not a male child. Shocking. But there are a few myths about ADHD that we need to bury for good:

1. ADHD is not just hyperactivity.
2. ... it's not a childhood-only condition.
3. ... and it's not a male-only condition.

1. ADHD has three types: H - hyperactive; I - inattentive; and C - combination.

As the type names suggest, there are different predominant symptoms. I don't have the type which plagues people who often get in trouble (hyperactive), so my "coming out" as a neurodivergent person may be a surprise to some. What all three have in common, though, is an inability to regulate dopamine (the "reward hormone") in the brain. Researchers are still unsure of the exact causes, and there also may be structural differences in the brain which decrease impulse control, muscle control, and impact decision-making abilities. The point is: ADHD is biological in nature, and not psychological (mentally constructed).

(If you're curious how the symptoms differ between the three types, Healthline has an excellent article series about this. )

2. ADHD is a lifelong disorder. (And yes, it is a disorder recognized by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders - DSM-5 .)

It often looks like a childhood condition which people grow out of, because children who are diagnosed are often actually treated by the time they're adolescents... and then seem to function as normal adults afterward. Little does the public know, children with ADHD become functioning adults due to treatment actually working, not due to no longer needing treatment.

3. The condition is highly under-diagnosed in girls and women (with a prevalence of 11.7% of males and 5.7% of females according to Healthline )

.... because it presents differently, in ways that allow girls to go undiagnosed and untreated, only to be diagnosed later into adulthood. Young girls don’t often make a scene in school; perhaps due to female neurology, but also perhaps due (in part) to societal pressures for young girls to take fewer risks or to not pick fights with others (another topic for another day).

Whatever the reason, young girls with ADHD are less likely to get in as much trouble during elementary school years, and thus a lot less likely to get diagnosed as children. As a result, our symptoms are often seen as character traits rather than mishaps. We are often called things like: spacey, ditzy, forgetful, talkative, or "having selective hearing."

I didn't get diagnosed until I turned 30, last year.

That’s thirty years (including the entirety of my undergraduate and graduate educations) of not realizing that my inability to focus, access working memory, or maintain awareness of the passage of time, had a biological cause, and was not a morally corrupt choice, or a demonstration of character values. As you might expect, I had a moody childhood and adolescence, and my coping mechanism was creative writing (big surprise, given that I'm writing a full-length article on this. /s)

It can be hard for others to relate to invisible symptoms...

... but I find that analogies really help when I explain ADHD to others, so please humor me.

Imagine having an itinerary for some destination...

.... or a planned GPS route on Google Maps. You're ready to go with bags packed and you're so excited to reach your destination! ...but the car doesn’t start when you want it to start. Then, when you finally get the car to start, it doesn't stop when you want it to stop. The brakes don't work consistently. Sometimes your GPS disconnects and forgets where it was, and in the blink of an eye, the clock on your dashboard has advanced 4 hours. Also, you've missed the exit for your destination. That is how executive dysfunction feels.

Or, to use another analogy, it's almost like always wearing horse blinkers (also known as blinders).

When you’re focused you can see exactly what you need to do, and what you care about is within your sights. However, you're unable to see what is in the periphery, often being startled by something you remembered from earlier, but forgot momentarily in your effort to finally focus. Things like birthdays, events, errands, or chores, suddenly come to the forefront, coupled with assumptions that you didn't care enough to remember. That is the double-edged sword of hyperfocus and limitations in working memory.

These and many other symptoms really impacted my self-esteem and a sense of belonging, since it seemed like others couldn’t relate to my challenges. Or, if these challenges were relatable, they were often seen as easy things to overcome.

Why "we all have a little ADHD," really does not help.

At times, people would try to empathize: "We all have a little ADHD sometimes!" They are referring to the conditional, contextual distractions of an information-dense, hectic, over-scheduled world... which can absolutely cause ADHD-like symptoms. However, this reassurance wasn't actually empathetic at all, in the sense that it assumed a neurodivergent brain would behave the same way a neurotypical (normal) brain would, in those circumstances... but it doesn't.

While normalizing symptoms can come with some benefits, like destigmatizing certain struggles, the problem that comes with that is a cheapening and dismissal of the severity of the symptoms in people who actually have the condition.

What separates ADHD (the disorder) from ADHD-like experiences:

ADHD (the disorder) severely impacts daily, ordinary living, and is worsened by chronic stress, while ADHD-like experiences might be caused by chronic or temporary external stressors, or extraordinary circumstances (like living through a pandemic), but do not persist beyond those stressors.

Well-meaning advice from others would range from "just do it," or "why don't you just make a list," or "break it down into realistic tasks" with the sincere belief that these would make things easier. However, these are precisely the things that a neurodivergent person struggles with because of dopamine regulation challenges, not vice-versa. Lists can become invisible quickly, and "realistic tasks" are hard to evaluate when time blindness is a challenge.

None-the-wiser, I used to take this advice in earnest, and it would only marginally help for a short time. I also took it to heart whenever people suggested "maybe you don't really care, because if you did, you would try harder." It was frustrating. It hurt.

I consistently felt like an inept child at the steering wheel of an adult’s body and brain, and soon everyone would find me out. What I didn't know was that I had a unique neurology which is, as Dr. Edward M. Hallowell puts it, "turbo-charged like a Ferrari, with the brakes of a bicycle. "

My life changed after diagnosis and treatment.

Professionally, I’d always known certain ADHD tendencies are highly undesirable in the workplace, so I exerted a lot of effort (and still do) to make up for my inadequacies, or mask how I typically operate. I'd often work later into the day to compensate for a particularly tough day focusing, or show up way earlier to work or meetings than I needed to, just so I wasn’t late. If I did catch a wave of hyperfocus, I would ride it into the ground, leveraging the momentum of being able to think and write clearly, forgetting to eat, drink water, or stand up once in a while. But it would often come at the cost of other responsibilities.

As you might guess, these habits don't exactly do wonders for your personal life or maintaining healthy relationships with others.

Consequently, last year was a low point (as it was for a majority of people, being the start of year 2 of the pandemic). I finally saw a behavioral health professional who happened to specialize in diagnosing ADHD and learning disorders. He was able to quickly see what was happening. While other therapists or BH professionals assumed my "low point" was causing my memory, motivation, and focus challenges, it was, in fact, the other way around. Living with an undiagnosed and untreated neurological condition for my whole life was why my mental health had been poor.

Another analogy: It was like I'd been living with a toothache for 30 years and wondering why it’s been so hard to brush my teeth, but every dentist I saw assumed I'd just been brushing my teeth wrong because brushing teeth is not supposed to hurt. Finally, thanks to a medical professional who took the time to listen, I was able to start addressing the real problem at the root.

(*badum-tss!* ...I am so sorry.)

I wish I could tell you it’s been all sunshine and rainbows since then. I still forget things. I still get distracted. I still have a messy office that I don’t invite others to see. But... I can tell you that things are a lot better. I’m able to better control my attention. I am mindful of time passing. I am more productive and also more forgiving of myself. I'm undoing decades of negative talk, learning to love all of my traits (even the ones that don't do me favors). Most importantly, I have supports in place to help me achieve my goals. The supports go beyond my treatment plan; they include an office with a door, a supportive spouse, supportive family, supportive friends, and empathetic coworkers who trust me.

Treatment is only as effective as the things that support it.

I'll be honest. I'm one of the lucky ones. Treatment can be very expensive if you don't have insurance, or if your insurance considers therapy or behavioral health services to be an "elective" service. Luckily, my insurance covers it. But even with my treatment plan, if family, friends, or coworkers doubted my diagnosis or questioned my need for treatment, it could certainly be tempting to forgo treatment altogether, or avoid seeking support to avoid the stigma. Many people unfortunately do this when funds are limited and skeptics reinforce the myth that mental health is a luxury, not a right.

While I might need those supports for the rest of my life, I know my condition is also a gift. All the times that I dismissed my wild, untethered ideation as "weird," I was actually leveraging the unique pattern-recognition strengths of my condition. The number of times I found administrative requirements overwhelming could be equally balanced by the number of emergency situations in which I was able to keep my calm and make sound decisions where others might have panicked. There are many unique positive traits that often make my condition a gift, and it doesn't always have to be a "curse."

If you got to the end of this article and don't have ADHD (and chances are you don't... the funny paradox of ADHD is writing a lot, but struggling to read a lot), I applaud you, and have one humble ask: if you'd like to support your neurodivergent brethren (sist-ren? sibling-ren?) keep the following tips in mind:

1. If you know someone who may be neurodivergent, please be patient with them, trust that they are being sincere, and ask them questions. Give them ownership over what will help them succeed.
2. Each condition has its own unique symptoms, and each person has their own unique needs and strengths. Not everyone needs an extended deadline - some people want earlier ones. Not everyone wants a highly flexible schedule, some people need more structured ones!
3. Don't make any assumptions - assumptions lead to caricatures rather than true depictions of reality.
4. Try to envision what living with that condition might be like. Learn as much as you can about different neurological conditions, proactively.
5. Keep an open mind, and know that honest mistakes are not moral failings. That especially goes for those with ADHD as well: remember that honest mistakes are not moral failings.

The way we move forward as a society is by recognizing people for who they are: whole beings with hopes, dreams, and earnest desires to do the right thing for each other.

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Thanks for reading this installment of my Neurodiversity Celebration Month article series! I've published an article for every week of April. I've written this article plus three others:

• #2 - The Key to Succeeding with Neurodivergence: Embracing It (Apr 10, 2022 - 12 min read) - This installment covers language, mindsets, and specific strategies that may help neurodivergent people bring their best selves to the workplace (and, as it turns out, will probably help other people too)
• #3 - Celebrating Neurodiversity in the Workplace (Apr 18, 2022 - 14 min read) - Neurodivergent employee strategies will only be as successful as the supports in place to pursue those strategies. This article covers: what is legally required by employers, how organizational trust plays a major role in the ability to create an effective accommodation plan, and 3 (or 5?) P's to build competency and foster a culture of inclusivity and accessibility.
• #4 - The Neurodivergent Prospect: Tackling the Hiring Process (Apr 30, 2022 - 13 min read) - In this article, I cover some observations and advice on personal branding and professional networking. It's just a representation of my own personal experiences, but I hope it sparks more discussion on how to make the hiring process better for all, ND and otherwise.

It means a lot to have the support I've been given over the last month, and I am sincerely grateful for your attention (especially if you have ADHD, that attention is precious). I would love to pay forward the kindness I've received, so if you or someone you know is a neurodivergent person in the UX/tech space, please don't hesitate to connect with me. I would love to keep the conversation and momentum going.

If there are any other topics you would like me to write about, please share in the comments. Thank you for reading and for your support!