I am who God says I am

I really thought something was wrong with me.?

I grew up in a place where Mexican culture is dominant and unescapable. Yet it was not my culture. I went to the school where the influence of Mexico was in everything but not in me nor a part of me. I remember asking my father if I could have a Keen Sierra (Quincea?era) birthday party like my friends did and when he said no, it felt like denial and not rejection. You see, when denied, someone is not permitting you to do what is right by you but when you're rejected you are being forbidden but still included. I now know the denial was only because the Mexican influence was inescapable in my mind.

I wanted to be strong and represent black culture but the examples were so far from me and not often seen. My Dad was a loving man and I didn’t stay mad at him for long. Like everything else, when he said “No,” I knew it was for a great reason and protection had something to do with it. He also had a way of making you feel like you never really wanted what you requested in the first place. I don’t remember all he said after the “No,” I just know that whatever we came up with for the birthday was better than what I asked for or at least that is how he made me feel.??

Growing up, I remember walking into the stores in El Paso and having only a small section with black products for my black skin and hair. I remember the radio station was full of mexican music, rock and roll and country music and every now and then I would hear a black artist's song. The only times we would be able to hear R&B music on the radio was late at night or on the weekends blasting from a neighbor’s record player. Black Gospel music was unheard of during the week on the radio. We got to hear gospel on Sunday morning during the Betty Robinson radio show. My oldest brother worked for the radio station and on Sunday morning he and Betty Robinson would be talking about the Lord and playing “I’m coming up on the rough side of the mountain.” We were sure to hear that song every Sunday. However, that was one of the few times– and I mean very few times– being a black Christian in El Paso, Tx, I felt included.

Because of this experience growing up, I felt like there was always something wrong with me. That I did not fit in the Black culture, the White culture or Mexican culture. But regardless of how I felt back then, right now the one thing I do know is that I am who God has said that I am and I fit in the Kingdom culture of God.?

In God’s kingdom all are accepted and what you need is custom fit just for you. Jesus said in the bible to his disciple I am that I am. This is a title that God gave to Jesus. In the book of Exodus 3: 14 God tells Moses to tell the children of Israel “I Am” has sent me to you. The significance to this is that when the children of Israel were in the wilderness God was whatever they needed when they needed it. This gives hope to those that may be seeking identity as I was. Our identity is in knowing who God is. You see God is our creator and Jesus is our Savior. The bible says in Isaiah 37:16 “O Lord of hosts, the God of Israel, who is enthroned above the cherubim, You are the God, You alone, of all the kingdoms of the earth. You have made heaven and earth.” Therefore, I believe what God says I am and in Psalms 139: 13-16 says, “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.`` It also says in 1 Peter 2:9 says, “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.”

So, regardless of when or what identity issues you may be going through, whether it is the influence of culture or lifestyle, know that you are who God says you are and I am who God says I am and that prevails over it all.

Churchgirl Gwendee Smiles ??