I am not What You Think I am

"I am not what I think I am, I am not what you think I am, I am what I think you think I am." - Charles Horton Cooley

Do you hear that nagging voice telling you your achievements are flukes? The one whispering that your success is undeserved? You're not alone. While you've probably heard about impostor syndrome before, understanding its psychological roots can help you recognize why you feel this way and, more importantly, how you can overcome it.

The Looking-Glass Self: Understanding Your Self-Perception

Your self-image isn't just shaped by your own thoughts or even by how others actually see you. Instead, as sociologist Charles Horton Cooley explains through his concept of the "looking-glass self," your self-image is primarily shaped by how you think others perceive you. This mental mirror profoundly impacts your sense of belonging and legitimacy in your professional and personal life.

Think about the last time you received praise at work. Did you accept it at face value, or did you filter it through what you thought others expected of you? If you're like most people, you probably measured yourself against an idealized version of what you think others expect—and found yourself coming up short.

Your looking-glass self affects your impostor syndrome through:

• How you form your self-image through interactions with others
• The way you interpret feedback and reactions from colleagues
• Your internalization of perceived judgments
• The gap between what you think others expect and how you see yourself

Are You an Introvert, or Is It Impostor Syndrome?

You might wonder if you're just introverted or if you're experiencing impostor syndrome. While these can exist together, they're fundamentally different:

Signs You're an Introvert:

• You naturally prefer quiet reflection
• You recharge by spending time alone
• You process thoughts thoroughly before speaking
• You work best independently
• You're selective about your social interactions

Signs You're Experiencing Impostor Syndrome:

• You doubt your abilities despite clear evidence of your competence
• You fear being "exposed" as a fraud
• You struggle to accept praise
• You attribute your successes to luck or external factors
• You're excessively perfectionist

Understanding this distinction is crucial because your approach to each should be different. If you're an introvert, you need to manage your energy in social situations. If you're experiencing impostor syndrome, you need to address your underlying beliefs about your competence.

How Impostor Syndrome Affects Your Life

When you don't address your impostor syndrome, it can impact various aspects of your life:

In Your Professional Life:

• You hesitate to speak up in meetings
• You pass up opportunities for advancement
• You over-prepare and strive for impossible perfection
• You find it hard to accept recognition
• You struggle to advocate for yourself

In Your Personal Life:

• You experience chronic stress and anxiety
• You feel less satisfied with your work
• Your work-life balance suffers
• Your self-confidence diminishes
• Your personal growth becomes limited

Strategies to Overcome Your Impostor Syndrome

Understanding how your looking-glass self affects you allows you to develop more effective strategies for overcoming impostor syndrome:

1. Reframe How You See Yourself

• Question your assumptions about what others expect from you
• Keep a record of your achievements and positive feedback
• Remember that you don't need to be perfect to be competent
• Recognize that showing vulnerability and asking for help demonstrate strength, not weakness

2. Assess Yourself Authentically

• Create clear criteria for evaluating your performance
• Learn to distinguish between your feelings and facts
• Acknowledge both your strengths and areas where you want to grow
• Use trusted peers' feedback to check your self-assessment

3. Build Your Support Network

• Find professional communities where you feel safe and supported
• Develop relationships with peers who understand your challenges
• Connect with mentors who can guide you and offer perspective
• Form accountability partnerships where you can be completely honest
• Participate in regular feedback sessions with colleagues in your field
• Consider joining or starting a peer support group

4. Embrace Growth

• Set achievable goals and celebrate your progress with your support network
• View your challenges as opportunities to learn and share these insights
• Become a mentor to others—it will reinforce your own expertise
• Share your experiences with impostor syndrome to help others feel less alone
• Take calculated risks with your support system behind you
• Use feedback as a stepping stone for growth rather than validation

Your Team's Role in Addressing Impostor Syndrome

Your workplace environment plays a crucial role in helping you and others overcome impostor syndrome:

Creating a Safe Space:

• Look for teams that normalize discussing challenges
• Seek environments that encourage open dialogue about mistakes
• Value workplaces that celebrate diverse perspectives
• Appreciate regular, constructive feedback

What to Expect from Good Leadership:

• Leaders who model vulnerability and a growth mindset
• Opportunities for skill development
• Clear expectations and success criteria
• Recognition for your contributions
• An inclusive environment where your voice matters

Signs of a Supportive Team Culture:

• Collaboration over competition
• Established mentorship and peer support programs
• Safe spaces for sharing experiences
• Feedback systems focused on growth

Conclusion

When you understand impostor syndrome through the looking-glass self, you can recognize that your self-doubt often comes from your interpretation of others' perceptions rather than reality. By knowing the difference between introversion and impostor syndrome, you can better address your self-doubt while honoring your natural tendencies.

Remember, your path to overcoming impostor syndrome isn't about eliminating all self-doubt—it's about developing a more accurate view of yourself and finding supportive environments that help you grow. Through your own efforts and the support of others, you can build confidence in your abilities and contributions.

Your success isn't a fluke, and you've earned your seat at the table.

One last thing;

Albert Einstein expressed self-doubt in a letter to his sister Maja in 1898, writing, "What oppresses me most... is the [financial] misfortune of my poor parents... I am nothing but a burden to my family. Really, it would have been better if I had never been born".

Wow, and that is Einstein.